David gets some

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Now You see him, now You don't...

Throughout this relationship David has always said that Mistress ‘touches him deep inside’, ‘does things other people don’t do’, he ‘would marry her in a second if he got the chance’. But he has a girlfriend that he wants to have babies with, and She (Mistress) is already married.

I could see that he was in a bit of a spot. Mistress ran (and I mean ran!) to see him at the drop of a hat – any time of day or night, to meet up for a drink or for a 4 hour sex session, and She’s great fun to party with, so if course the guys is going to fall for Her. But then he sees me in the background and what does he think?

So he said to her he does not like being ‘second’ to me - he’s not used to being second.

So eventually he sends her this text: He’s thought long and hard about it, it’s been great fun and GREAT sex, but he’s decided to give it a go with his girlfriend, so regretfully, he will not be making contact with Her again.

Mistress replies telling him it has indeed been great fun, and She understands his desire to make a go of it with his girlfriend, so goodbye and good luck. That was two weeks ago.

Excuse me for being a cynic, but I said that in my opinion, it would just be a matter of time…

Tonight Mistress is out for another office do – one of the girls is leaving. We talked about it and I said David might be there (they originally met at one of her office drink ups – he used to work there).

Apparently he’s not there tonight, but what do you know? He’s just texted Her to say Hi! Surprise surprise – he’s back on the scene.

Just before he pulled out of it all, he started to ask Mistress to Sissify and dom him, and he started wanting to eat Her pussy (and arse) all the time. She told me this did nothing for Her – She already has me doing that for Her all the time – what She needs from him is real man sex (my words, not Hers!). So, She said to me, She was actually glad to see the back of him!

But then ten minutes ago She texts me to say She’d feeling naughty and She wants to text him! Go figure! Then he texts Her anyway!

I’ve been here before with those two – it’s 11 o’clock at night, he’s feeling horny, and She’s feeling naughty – it’ll be 5am before She’s home tonight – and I’m getting up at 5:15 for an early round of golf! I’m not going to wait up – I’m going to have to start to sleep (if I can!) and then hear about it later!

Looks like the late night sex sessions are back! Am I happy, worried, jealous or glad?

The fact of the matter is that I have not screwed Her properly, as he has done, for years, though I want to – I can’t just ask for it and do it – I feel too submissive. And now I can’t even look at a banana without thinking of the fact She loves it when he uses fruit on Her – I’m fucked if She sees him, and fucked if She does not!

This morning I had a secret wank! I’ve not had a wank for years! I was feeling horny thinking about how wild the sex is She has with him, and the fact that She does not do that with me – mad me sad and horny! So what the fuck – I wanked – it was great – nice big cum of self gratification!

I didn’t tell Her – I should do really – I’ll tell Her some time this weekend.

She makes me cum

Last night we were laying together in the lounge watching TV and my cock was hard and horny. Mistress had been texting Her new boyfriend to try and set up a date for him to come out with us and then come home one night when the kids are away for a sleep over. She said She would get me to lick them clean when they were finished.

Mistress saw my hard on and wanked me, saying She wanted to get some sleep in bed that night – so She wanked my until I came – huge quantities of cream spilling all over my shirt – HUGE quantities.

I was so grateful – I still am.

But She never just wanks him. Him She sucks and fucks before She wanks – and usually for 2-3 hours before he cums.

So while I am very grateful for the sex She gives me, I am thoroughly humiliated by the sex that She gives him.

She tells me She never compares us, never thinks ‘this for this one’ and ‘the other for the other one’ – says that never crosses Her mind. It certainly crosses my mind!

Why am I so fucked up?

For years I asked You to get a boyfriend – someone You enjoyed shagging that you could have real fun with and just fuck whenever either of you want.

Then You found one – You were attracted to him, and You nabbed him and started to shag him, and You loved it.

I was so happy for You – this was my dream/our dream come true, and You enjoyed it so much, it was wonderful.

You even let me eat his cum out of Your pussy, You are so hot and kind.

But then what happened?

A few things happened

You told him about me/Us. He accepted that and was excited about the prospect of participating with us. You told me this.

After that, You went ahead to meet with him again. But now things were different – the two of You had said that I could play. So why, if I could play, and the sex with him was so wild and so much fun, would You want to go off with him alone rather than with me? And not just that, but for 4 hour long sessions? I wanted to play too.

So I became jealous. You’d fixed it so I could play, and I wanted to play. In my childish selfishness and jealousy I could not understand how/why You could even want to continue to play without me – even though this is what I’d asked You to do for years.

I am a selfish fucker. I moved the goalposts on your when I saw personal benefit for me, and a dilution of benefit for you to incorporate me.

I am sorry. I should not have done that. I was very unfair of me.

The question we face now is: Given all this, and my jealousy, can You go on seeing him? Can we deal with that?

The answer should be Yes: I always said I wanted it – and when You had it, I loved it for You and encouraged You to go and meet him – so what’s changed now?

What’s changed now is that I have a childish, selfish desire to join your play in the sandpit. That’s got to be wrong. It’s your sandpit – I made it for you and it’s not mine to take away.

So what I should do is step back: Get with the programme. This is Your boyfriend, Your sex, Your fun time. My roll in it all is to revel in Your enjoyment and be here for You when You get back.

And if you ever get me to participate (which You have already done once you kind and loving thing!) then I should be grateful that You are so kind to me – and not demanding of any right that I don’t have to move the goalposts on Your sexual pleasure.

I have been very selfish and self centred. I should be happy for You that You have done so well. The fact that You have even iced the cake by blowing me while he fucked Your arse beggars belief at how lucky I am, and how shameful my jealousy is.

If I were half the man I’d like to think I am, I’d apologise shamefully and give You back Your freedom.

Go with Option 1: Carry on having fun with him. Love it!

WTF

She left in the cab at 11pm. It's 1:45 am now. He lives 10 minutes away. WTF. She arrived there at 11 pm. WTF have they been doing since then - for 2 hours 45 minutes? you can't sustain a hard on for that long - well I can't - and maybe therein we have the problem?

How do I end this? If I tell Her I can't cope She'll probably stop seeing him - maybe. But how do we move forward from that? The questions will be constant - why did I lead Her into this etc.

I tell you, I can't hack it. It hurts too much.

My tears have wet this page

Look, I don’t want to be a missionary. I’m no evangelist, but dudes, I’ve climbed the mountain. Well actually, I haven’t, but I’m doing so now. I want all of you to think about it before you embark on this journey, because it hurts like fuck.

For the last 5 years I’ve begged my Mistress to find a boy friend. About 15 years ago, I used to make her dress up in short skirts with no knickers, and then fuck her all over the place. Yum-mee! Deeeeliscious!

But then I became ‘submissive’ and stopped asking for it. Instead I begged and grovelled, and because I knew She liked a more dominant man and more dominant sex, I suggested she get a boyfriend.

“Get a guy who will really shag You’, I said, ‘Not a wimp like me’.

Now She’s done that. And She’s just got dressed in a short dress with no knickers and gone off to meet him, carrying cuffs for him to tie her up, nipple clamps I used to use on her, and lube for him to fuck her in the arse. And if you think I’m kidding then dude, I’m not.

I can’t even blog about it. I begged her not to go, but she said ‘fuck you’ – ‘for years you asked me to do this, now I’m doing it, and enjoying it, and you want to fuck it up – bollocks!’

So she went. But first, at 10:50 at night, she showered, redid her make up, got dolled up and then went. Holy shit. Looking absolutely wonderful.

My fucking goodness.

This shit is heavy. I think I’m gonna ask Her to please relent – I just can’t cope – I thought I could, but fuck! I fucking can’t - I want Her as mine!

It is personal (to Her)

Mistress tells me he’s sent Her loads of texts today – goodness know how many. She didn’t tell me immediately he sent texts – only after he had sent ‘loads’ of them.

That’s the hardest thing about being cuckolded – simply not knowing anything unless She has the grace and generosity to tell me.

For all I know he could have been texting Her since lunch time, but She only decided to tell me now. Maybe he’s texted Her since, and they’ve arranged a rendezvous, and She’s not even told me yet – She could turn up at 8.30 this evening with the lingering taste of his spunk on Her lips, and then tell me whatever She chooses… or meet with him and not tell me anything.

I am only part of it if, when and on the terms She chooses....

HE is feeling horny...

Mistress is at work. She tells me her new boyfriend is feeling horny and texting Her suggestively. She says She might meet him this evening on the way home just to wank or blow him and empty his balls.

I wish I could text Her and get Her to empty my balls in a car park down town. Why can’t I? I always used to do things like that when we first met – why not now?

But like She says, She “would not be comfortable going back to that with me”.

Careful what you wish for, guys. You might get it, and struggle to live with it. ...

Roosting chickens

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Insecurities

My insecurities are not caused by David.

They are caused by finding out that you like having his cock shoved down your throat and you like him using a banana on you - and fearing that you miss having had those things with me.

Have I made a huge mistake in bringing us here?

If....

If you told me that you love our FemDom relationship exactly as it is, and don't want it to change - you want us to carry on with it and move deeper into FemDom, then I'd believe that's what you want, and I'd have no problems - my insecurities would be covered.

My fear is that you won't say this - ergo my insecurities must be justified - you want something else.

OK! 'I want'...

If I had my choice, then Iwant you to:-

(1) Tell me that you are happy with me being submissive = you are happy with our sex life, you don't want me to change, and you want to move on with our LFA lifestyle, and

(2) enjoy carrying on seeing David.

"If I were David"

This morning in bed when I said that “if I were David” I would shove my cock in your mouth or wank over you, it actually had nothing to do with David the guy – and had everything to do with me.

What I meant was this:

Now that we live a FemDom life, I would be embarrassed to just start wanking my morning hard on over you, and certainly would not try to stuff it in your mouth. I would of course be happy – delighted - to do either of these things if you encouraged or allowed me to, but I would be very wary of suggesting them to you, because I don’t feel it is my place to trouble you with my sexual urges. You can tell my cock is hard, and you can choose whether to do anything about it or not, and if you choose to do something about it, you can choose what to do….(it was wow! when you chose to hold it in bed this morning ;) thank you!)

So what I meant by ‘if I were David’ could better be restated as this: “If I were a real man, confident about my sexual relationship with you, then I would take this big, hard cock I have here and either wank it over your tits right now, or stuff it down your throat. But I am not a real man. I am a weak submissive that fears and respects his love for you too much to just do that to you.”

So to interpret this as an issue I have with David personally, or your relationship with him personally, is wrong – the problem I have is with myself and my own inadequacy in not pushing my sexual advances onto you.

Mixed signals

I’m getting mixed signals here, and so I am confused.

Last night when you came to bed I explained to you that while you were out the room I had been wanking. I explained that as I heard you return I stopped and covered myself up, because as your submissive I would be embarrassed to just wank in front of you.

I asked you if you minded this and were happy with it, - do you prefer me to suppress my wanking in front of you as I had done, or would you rather I was open and explicit about it – wanking in front of you.

Your reply was unequivocal. There was no hesitation: You said you prefer the submissive behaviour and I certainly should not wank in front of you.

I was immediately grateful for your guidance, and so happy that I had chosen the correct course of action – which I thought was correct too.

But, there is an area where I am really confused about this – and it is this confusion that scares me – I think it is this confusion that scares me more than your relationship with David: If I might explain:

Years ago when we met I would have wanked over you or cum in your mouth when I had a hard on like the one I had this morning. Now I no longer do that, unless you ask me to, or permit it on those rare occasions I might as for permission to do such a thing.

Yet when you meet David [read any other guy you might choose to meet – right now – and for the first time ever – it is him so I’ll use his name], he does do those sorts of things to you (and that’s great – I don’t begrudge you those things at all – you are a sexy goddess and you deserve them).

My fear and confusion is not about David personally – my fear is about me and the fact I don’t do those things to you the way I used to. Now that you’ve found someone who does, what I want to do is seek confirmation that you are happy with that state of affairs:-

A. Are you happy with me as a submissive who does not do these things to you? Or

B. Would you prefer it if I reverted to a more equal (or even more dominant?) sexual partner?

The reason I ask this question is fundamental to my current uncertainty: If you are happy with me as a submissive, and love and prefer me like that, then we don’t have a problem – my behaviour is making you happy and so I am happy, because I want to make you happy.

But if you are not happy with me as a submissive, and you would actually prefer a more equal or aggressive (not necessarily “dominant” but more equal than submissive – or dominant if you want) then this is fine – I LOVED living a slightly dominant life with you, and if you wanted me to live so again, then I would not question your decision and would gladly release my lust/love on to you in the morning :)

Have I made my point? That my current uncertainty requires only a clear message from you on what you want from me?

I am reluctant to push you either way – both have their + and their -. So in my reverence of you (or wimp-ass way – I guess it depends on the perspective ~ more uncertainty) I look to you for guidance – because I want to live your way. I want to make you happy.

What do I want to do?

If you don’t want to ‘impose your answer on me’ then I have failed to communicate myself to you clearly – because your desire in this respect is not and cannot be an ‘imposition’.

But anyway, if you don’t want to impose your answer on me, and you want to know what I think, then it is this:

I love and worship you, so much so that I elevate you and so submit to you – I am happiest living in loving submission to you – that is what I want, but only if it is what you want.

If you want something else, then I smile - because you want me!. So I smile first, and then I put my reverence and submission to you to one side, next to me, where you will see it only in my love and respect for you, and then I say ‘Great! Let’s work on this other thing you want.’

This morning’s fantasy

I had a fantasy this morning. David came to visit you at home for the first time.

Before he got here you had had a shower and we chatted in the bathroom and dressing room while you/we chose your wardrobe as we so often do – discussing what he might like and how you wanted to look. As usual, you looked absolutely stunning by the time you were ready.

When David rang the bell at the gate you locked me safely away in my study where I started to work on my computer, and I heard your muted voices as you welcomed him in (there must have been a lingering kiss, but I could not see you, and of course did not hear it…. though there was a rather long period of silence after your initial greeting – that must have been a kiss. Was he grabbing you gorgeous ass as he kissed you?) and I heard the two of you moving into the kitchen.

The muffled sound of your chatting and tinkling laughter as you flirted and worked him drifted through to me and all I could hear was the general exchange, peppered by the occasional laugh. I could not hear what the two of you were saying. I could well imagine the beauty of your face as you smiled and laughed with him. What a creation.

You came through to the dining room – and of course I could and did see you (looking so good!) as you walked in and soon back out again, carrying a bottle of red with you (I really should have got that ready for you before he arrived – sorry). You did not pause to acknowledge me, but took the wine through to the kitchen.

You carried on chatting, and I started to work. The two of you might be at it for hours – your current average is no less than 3 hours of sex at any one time - and that’s midnight sex, so I needed to get on with something to keep me busy, and I did.

Then I hear the door from the kitchen open – my ears pricked at the sound of movement as I wondered what you were up to.

You took the few paces to my study door and tapped on it.

“Hello you!” you said. “Put on your blindfold and stand in front of the door”. He had obviously decided he wanted to see me.

You waited smiling and watched as I obeyed you. My last thought as darkness engulfed me was how damn hot you looked in those trousers, and how lucky he was that he was going to fuck the living daylights out of you – and how lucky I was that afterwards you would fall asleep in my arms. Anyway, I watched the curve of your arse disappear as I put on the blind fold, and I stood there waiting to be inspected by your new lover.

When I was done I heard you walking away, and calling to him - I could hear your words through the door now that we were closer, and then the sound of two pairs of feet, one slightly heavier, as you brought him to see me through the glass door.

He talked quietly to you – just above a whisper – clearly not wanting me to hear what he said, and you spoke quietly back – yours a little more than a whisper – you had no need to maintain silence – this is your domain.

You giggled again in your electrifying way, and I envied the smile he must have been seeing on your face. You talked some more, and then tapped the glass.

‘Play with your cock! Make it hard for us” you said, and I reached down and took my limp dick in my hand and gently started to wank it. My god, the embarrassment of him watching me do that. I wasn’t at all sure it would get hard!

Of course it did, and I continued to rub the monster slightly more enthusiastically now that it was hard. I heard the two of you talking as I did so. There was the sound of what seemed to me to be the two of you touching, a cuddle I guessed, and silent slobber of a kiss, then a giggle and some murmuring. I continued to wank.

“Stop now!” you said. “We don’t want you cumming. Just stand there, and stay hard”. I did while the two of you mingled and talked softly outside. There was whispering, and the sound of movement – the two of you obviously weren’t just standing there.

[What happened next?]

Ouch!

Mistress was kind and generous and did not hit me as hard as She could. So I managed to cry real tears. But my cock did not get hard, and my arse is still smarting an hour later.

20 minute wait

Mistress is taking a lunch time snooze in front of the telly after a workout at the gym. I am to wake Her in another 20 minutes when She is rested so She can take me upstairs for the 15 strokes of the cane I have earned this week.

5 are a punishment for not immediately taking the clean clothes upstairs, and ten are for failing to do 5 things exclusively to make Her happy last Thursday.

She seems rather enthusiastically back into FemDom right now. Last night She had me eat Her to orgasm and I got nothing, and this morning I ate Her arse clean and again got nothing.
My cock is twitching with excitement and fear, but it can’t even get hard properly, because 15 is going to be fearsome.

2009 - The year of the cane?

Followers of my blog will know that year 2008 marked the first year in 4 that Mistress chose not to cane me. For Her own reasons – we were living Her way, and Her choice was not to cane me.

2009 is a new year. She has just sent me the attached text from the gym – as you can see She is planning to give me 10 hard ones today.

I wonder, is this a one off, or has She decided that in fact she was better off with the cane and wants it back…

I suspect She will have me eat Her sweaty pussy before She showers too – and I should thing myself privileged to be allowed to lick it, sweaty or not!

My cock is rock hard with fear again. I’m not sure if I want a strict year or not, but damn I’m hard worrying about it!

Touching me

Increasingly these days, particularly in the absence of any overtly FemDom activity on Mistresses part, I feel that my/our pretence at a FemDom relationship should end. Yesterday evening was a classic case in part where Mistress said something really dumb which we were watching telly and I got really pissed off and angry, thinking to myself ‘thank goodness our FemDom is over, because I would really struggle submitting to that degree of stupidity’.

But then this morning as we are lying in bed, She rolls over towards me, reaches down with Her hand, takes hold of my cock and balls and pulls them, resting Her leg on them and snuggling back to snooze.

Wow! I was electrified. She’s not touched my cock for weeks – what was She going to do? Wank me off, play with me a little? I lay there tense, waiting, but She did nothing else. Just lay there with her delicate leg resting on my hard cock.

Eventually I realised She had no plans to play with me again and decided I may as well get out of bed.

Before I did I asked if She would like me to lick Her arse, figuring that if I sucked and stuck my tongue right up Her arse it would partially compensate for my loosing my temper yesterday, and certainly confirm my submission to Her anyway.

To my delight She agreed and I turned down on Her, eased her gorgeous but-cheeks apart and licked at Her with my tongue before pushing it in and around as deep as it could go, licking and sucking at Her arse.

I can imagine how pleasant this must feel, and She has confirmed to me how much She likes the physical pleasure of this, as well as the extreme humiliation and submission inherent in my doing it.

As my tongue probed I found myself wishing She would come home and thrash me for my poor behaviour yesterday, but I’m sure She won’t, and I am not going to suggest it, or any other domination activities, to Her.

Is it all in my mind?

I wonder if Mistress has abandoned the idea of FemDom altogether, and that I am the only one living under this illusion? I don’t think so, but the FemDom is very overt. She has not punished me or threatened to, and does not appear about to.

On the other hand, She did a wash today while I was out, then took the clothes out and left them there telling me to hang them up. And She has not touched my dick since I last blogged about it – so there is something going on, but I don’t understand it.

No matter, I still do my best to serve and will continue to do so. I am not going to push Her into anything.

It is the start of a new month, so I shall be off to get Elise Sutton’s latest update. I usually enjoy most of thatJ

Drought

Mistress has not chosen to actually cane me yet – perhaps She never will?? I don’t talk to Her about it – in fact I never raise FemDom issues, because I want all or any direction in that respect to come from Her.

She obviously still feels She is in a Dom relationship, because She has not touched my cock for nearly as long as I can remember, and many years ago She would not go 24 hours without grabbing or fucking it somehow.

As it is I can’t remember when I last came :(

-

Just as She is Domming me day to day – telling me what to do, not touching my cock – ignoring it in fact – issuing instructions, so too do I submit to her – in particular, although I touch her gently with my hard-on every morning – just enough for me to gain a little, modest pleasure, and for Her to know I find Her desireable - I still do not dry hump Her because I don’t want to be offered canes in exchange for an orgasm…

All is well

All is well on this submissive’s front. The holidays were great, but are over and the kids back to school, and live has returned to ‘normal’.

We all took the kids to school on their first morning back, and then Mistress dropped me off at home on Her way to work. It was the first time we were on the compound alone for months and I was trembling with fear that She might cane me, that being the first opportunity She has had since sentencing me.

In the build up to that date I had been extra submissive, pleasant and subservient, offering to lick Her pussy or arse every morning, without pushing to do so, and not thrusting my cock into Her in the mornings like I used to – I’ve worked out that when I do this She let’s me fuck Her and then sentences me to strokes for being allowed to cum in Her. So I just touch Her gently with my hard on, I don’t ‘dry-hump’ Her leg any more.

Anyway, all my submission paid off and She did not choose to cane me, and has not done so yet, though She has ordered me down on Her a number of times and not given me any stimulation myself, so She is in a dominant mood of sorts – She certainly instructs me plenty.

So all is well. I continue to submit (most of the time) to try and ensure I don’t give Her any reason to lay into me.

I’ll keep you posted…

"Not submissive enough"

Yesterday morning Mistress defined some new standards. As She lay on the floor doing her early morning Pilates She pointed out a couple of incidents of unacceptable behaviour, where She felt that I had made no effort to be submissive or provide service, and asked how I reconciled those with my recent letter.

On one occasion I had argued with Her (in front of my mum) about whether or not I was putting things on the shopping list. As I later confessed to Her, I argued with Her (which is no excuse) because I was trying to defent myself against any punishment She might award me if She concluded I was in the wrong.

On another occasion She had driven home with shopping in the car, and I had not gone to the car to offer to carry it in.

She said this sort of behaviour was not acceptable, and that She should not have to argue with me about anything, nor tell me when and how to serve Her. I should use my initiative in both those areas to make Her life easy – not create work for Her telling me what to do.

Phew! That’s a tricky one! I agree with Her whole heartedly, thanked Her for guiding me in this way, and promised to try harder.

Things could get tricky, but much better for us, if She starts punishing me for ‘not being submissive enough’, or ‘not serving well enough’, which is the only level at which She is going to succeed in influencing this sort of change, if that’s what She chooses to do.

I am awed that so soon following the letter Her fundamental criticism is so basic. Not submissive enough’ is a pretty powerful condemnation.

I hope I succeed in adjusting to an acceptable level. I am already working towards that.

Punishment award

Last night we were watching a re-run of Trading Places. Mistress chose it, but I was very happy to watch it as I’ve always liked the movie and was enjoying it.

But for some reason She got it into Her head that I did not want to watch – even though I told Her many times that I was happy to watch and was enjoying it.

When I got tired, at about 11.30 or so, I declared my intention to go to bed, and She said that was ‘proof’ that I was not enjoying it.

I got rather cross and told her not to be so fucking stupid – I told Her I was happy to watch it then I’m happy to watch it. How the fuck can She tell me whether or not I am happy to watch a movie. Jeez!

She was not very pleased. This morning She told me to mark ten strokes in my book for being rude to Her. In future, She says, if I want to differ with Her I must do so politely, and say ‘Please can explain how I feel’. Wow.

I asked if She wanted to warn me this time, or actually punish me, and She said She would cane me for it. I reached to my bedside cupboard for the book and wrote it in.

I wished for simplicity. I’ve got it.

More for more...

This morning Mistress told me to go down on Her without me offering. Once She had cum She told me to put it in, in exchange for 5 strokes.

I came deep in Her, but She did not tell me to write the strokes down, so I won’t do so, and hopefully She will forget…

Tenterhooks

I have been walking on ice ever since giving Mistress the letter. She has not said anything more about it, but I have this pregnant expectation that something will happen as a result of it. I’m not saying something should happen – because that is of course Her choice, but I feel as if it will.

Before I gave Her the letter She said She would re-introduce the cane to our relationship. What will She do after the letter? Change Her mind?

Her sister-in-law is visiting us at the moment, and the kids are on school holiday so there has really been no opportunity for Her to have caned me since She decided to, nor since I gave Her the letter.

I am carefully resisting the temptation to share my dark, submissive fantasies. Partly because I don’t want an immediate and sore arse, but mostly because I feel it would be wrong to do so – the letter was designed to surrender to Her Way, not to suggest mine.

Sunday night in Bed She had me play with Her with my fingers rather than eat Her. She gets so many blow jobs She has had enough of them! Lucky girl! So I fingered Her delicately for some time before She told me to put it in.

When I did, I was careful not to thrust too hard, so as to be able to keep going for as long as possible, but almost immediately, with no stimulation at all, while I lay still deep inside Her, I came spontaneously and copiously – without permission.

She made no comment, and had me continue to finger Her to orgasm afterwards.

One of the fantasies that plagues me since the letter is as follows:

She tells me to put it in Her at night. She tells me to come in exchange for ten hard strokes. I cry tears of fear and pain as I cum deep inside Her, fearful of the impending strokes. She cuddle s me close as I cry after cuming, and tells me not to cry, because it’s only a few strokes. As I lie in Her embrace and stop crying She tells me She will give me two extra strokes as a reward for stopping crying.

Why the letter, and what’s the impact?

I gave Mistress the letter to read in bed on Saturday morning, while I was downstairs making Her tea.

I had taken a while to write it on the Friday afternoon, and I read and re-read it a few times making a few changes before I felt it was presentable. Mostly the changes were to make sure that I was not grovelling or begging for ‘lashings’ of domination.

I was never truly happy that I achieved that – but when I took those sections out, and was just left with the ‘Your Way’ and ‘Not the man You married’ sections, I did not feel that it communicated my true thoughts well enough, so I sent it as you now read it below.

I wanted to achieve three things:-

· Make sure She did not feel that I thought She should be caning me – because I want this only to be Her decision and not something I’ve asked for.

· Make sure She new that I would gladly submit to Her if She did choose to cane me.

· Pledge my commitment to living Her way.

Presenting the letter

I wanted to make sure the letter had no ‘sting’ in it, so handed it to Her and said “I am confused. And I have some things I’d like to to say to you, so I have written them in a letter. I am not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but here you are.”

Then I went down to make the tea.

20 minutes later I was back with the tea, and as She sipped it She thanked me for the letter, and said that She had read it twice, and that it did provide clarity on a few things She had been thinking, and that it was good. I thanked Her.

I lay there worrying about the rather submissive work I had become, and eventually muscled up the guts to ask Her is She was happy to be with the submissive character I had become, and She said yes. Well, I can’t argue with that! In truth, I was quite pleased with it. That was all that came of it Saturday.

Her first overt act

Sunday afternoon the kids were amusing themselves and I was cutting wood outside when Mistress came out and told me to come up and eat Her. I gladly did, duly delivering a shuddering orgasm to Her gorgeous frame as I cupped Her lovely tits and licked Her pussy.

Once She had cum I probed deep and gentle with my tongue, to maintain the sensation while steering clear of Her now sensitive clitoris. Soon She told me to go back to my wood, and I stood by the bed.

Her first man

As I got dressed I explained to Her what I had been thinking about while I ate Her.

A couple of days ago we had been chatting with Her sister who is visiting, about her kids loosing their virginity. This is a topic I never contribute much to, and have never really opened up to Mistress about my own verginity. But following on from the letter I felt a connection which I explained to Her as I stood by Her bed.

As I ate Her pussy, I thought of all the lucky guys She had given access to that lovely space since She first chose to do so – lucky, virile young men, with hard cocks that She had chosen to allow to fuck Her. None of whom will have eaten Her pussy as much as I now did. All of whom will have taken their way with Her by thrusting into that love passage that I now licked and tongued.
I thought of Her as the Goddess that granted them that pleasure, and they the jocks fortunate enough to be granted it.

I on the other hand lost my virginity at the age of 13 to a two-bit hooker. Right through until age 20 or so at university I only ever had sex with hookers (along with copious amounts of wanking). Never in my teens or at all in my life has any lovely virgin allowed me her cherry.

I explained to Mistress how inferior this made me feel – having had sex with hookers, never blessed with access to a lovely teen pussy such as the one She shared with men She chose to share Her with. How inferior this makes me feel. And how this is why I love to hear and marvel and the activities She got up to with the guys She chose to share Her teen body with.

I humbly explained to Her that this was one of the reasons I felt inferior to Her. She accepted my explanation quite gladly.

Before going back downstairs I asked if She would like me to lick Her arse before I went down, and She allowed me this pleasure, spreading Her behind for me to access. I licked and tongued Her before returning to my wood cutting.

Good thing to have written it down

Last night before we slept I said to Mistress that I was still worried to have dumped confirmation of my submission on Her, and asked again how She felt about it.

She said She was fine with it, and was happy that I had chosen to write my feelings down for Her to read.

This morning She kindly allowed me to lick Her arse before getting up and going to the gym.
I do keep reminding myself that the whole point of the letter was not to attract increased domination, but rather to confirm my eagerness to live Her way.

Letter to Mistress

August 2008

Dear Mistress Wife

I want to share some thoughts with you. I am confused and so to try and make it easier for you to understand my thoughts I decided to write them to you in a letter.

Your way

I am writing to You to let You know how much I love You, and to try to explain my love to You and confirm my dedication to You and most of all to confirm that I want to live ‘Your Way’.

I would like to apologise for telling You my fantasy of living in complete servitude to You. I have thought about this and now realise how wrong it was for me to impose my fantasies on You in this way. This was selfish of me.

I have since realised that of course rather than begging You to dominate me, I should have begged You to lead us to live Your way – whatever way You want – without concern for any desire of mine.

I feel that I am lucky and privileged that You choose to be with me, and I should be grateful for this – I am grateful for it - and in recognition of it I should do all I can to make Your life comfortable and happy above all else.

I know – it is obvious - that any man in the world would be madly pleased to have the pleasure of your company, and that I am not deserving of such a privilege. That is why I am so keen to live Your way.

I recognise the extreme privileges You allow me. Just the pleasure of Your company, let alone the more extreme gifts such as the opportunity to see You naked, to touch You, to sleep with You, to eat Your pussy and more, and even to rub my hard cock on You. These are the greatest privileges on earth of which I am not deserving, let alone the extreme privilege that You bestow on me to even touch my cock yourself, and even permit it to enter You. Those privileges I know I do not deserve and am so lucky to be granted.

Not the man You married

I worry because the submissive I have become is not the man You chose to marry. I worry that You chose a dominant and more selfish person, aggressive in bed and demanding of You. I worry that the submissive me is not what You want.

I now see that against this background, especially with You having chosen not to cane me this Year while living “Your way”, it was so wrong and selfish of me to express my desire for Your punishment and Your domination.

If I could turn back time then I would not be a submissive, wanting to serve You. But I cannot turn back time, so all I can do is try to make the most of what I am and what we have now.
I try to make the most of what I am and have now by begging for the opportunity to keep You close to me, and by doing anything and everything to live any way that You choose in order for us to be happy together. Even offering to try to live more as an equal if that is the way You choose.

I am shocked that I have changed from the dominant person I once was, and I can see that this is not fair on You. In my defence all I can say is that I have lived with You many years, and come to recognise in You my Goddess that I wish to exalt, to serve, and to respect.

Whilst I still have every desire to bang my cock into You as hard as possible and as often as possible, I find it disrespectful to expose let alone impose my selfish and crude desires on an angel like You. I simply do not deserve such privilege, and so I humbly defer to Your guidance in all sexual matters and beg You to lead me in ways You choose.

I have changed so much and recognise the unfairness of this change on you. I also recognise that at times you may just want an uncomplicated fuck and sex with a guy who is more dominating and aggressive in bed. While I do undertake to live however You choose, I urge You to seek out Your sexual pleasure wherever You can, and by all means find a lover or lovers who will be more aggressive towards You. I certainly would not begrudge You this, and would be even happier in my service to You to know You were choosing to get Your pleasure in this way.

So why do I beg for Your punishment?

If You choose to punish me for failing to deliver Your expectations, then You reward me by making Your way clearer to me so that I can better serve it. For this I am always most grateful.
I do hate and fear the cane, but I am so very, very grateful when you bestow Your gift of it on me. I know any man would die to serve You, so for You to actually choose to take time out to punish me rather than simply ignoring me or even allowing another man to serve You is a fortunate privilege for me indeed.

Since Your way by definition must be Your way, it cannot be influenced by any of my desires. I recognise unequivocally that I do not deserve the time or energy it takes for You to punish me. Thus any decision to do so can only be Yours and Yours alone.

So I apologise for imposing my desire for punishment on You. That was wrong. Only You should make the choice as to how we live in this respect.

Why do I beg for Your discipline and humiliation?

You could have any man You want, and when You choose to humiliate or discipline me You bestow the greatest gift of Your time and energy purely on me. So I am so grateful if You do choose to discipline or humiliate me.

When we live Your way then any decision to humiliate or discipline me can only be made by You. If You choose to discipline or humiliate me then you humble me to Your desires and Your way, and I am certainly lucky to be humbled in any manner of your choosing and certainly not deserving of such privilege.

Why do I beg You to enjoy other men?

I beg You to enjoy other men because when You choose to enjoy other men then You choose to live Your way.

There can be no greater indication of living Your way than You choosing to enjoy sex with another man (or woman) without me present or involved.

When You choose to have sex with another person, and then return to give me the privilege of Your company once again, then you bestow on me more privilege than I deserve.

I know you could have any man You choose, young or old, rich or poor, to pamper You, care for You and be with You. For You to choose to spend time with me is more privilege than I deserve.
So I beg You to enjoy other men or lovers at every opportunity and in any way that you choose. In doing so You become aware of how sexy and desirable they find You and how sexy and desirable You in fact are. Only when You appreciate how sexy and desirable all men find You can You really appreciate how privileged I am to receive any attention from You, and how subservient to You I should be.

Our recent argument

How do I reconcile all this to our recent argument?

I recognise the error and stupidity of my ways. I apologise, and I beg Your forgiveness and the opportunity to serve You better.

I offer You myself to deal with Your way, whatever that may be, in order to move us forward.
In my dumb simplicity I wish that You choose to thrash me severely after every or any argument we ever have, as a pre-condition to any forgiveness that I beg.

But this takes us full circle – back to me being selfish and begging for the simplicity of punishment. That is obviously wrong – that is the whole point of this letter. I should be able to recognise the error of my ways and improve myself without the need for You to waste Your energies punishing me. And so I do offer to work to mend my ways in any way that You guide me.

I am so sorry I have complicated our lives with my slide into submission. I hope You are still happy to live with me, and I live for Your happiness.

Lots and lots of all my love

Doomsday book

Yesterday I woke up with a rigid hard on, thrusting hard into Mistress’ oh-so-tender, naked but cheeks next to me. I put my arm around Her and cupped Her tender breasts, kneading them lovingly and gently.

Once She was awake I asked if She would like me to eat Her pussy or arse before I went to make the tea, and She had me go down on Her arse.

I licked and tongued at Her for 20 minutes, probing deeply and licking all around Her tender rose before She told me to lay back up. I did so, gently pushing my hard rod into Her tender buttocks again.

She kindly told me I could put it in, provided I did not cum, and I eagerly but gently inserted myself to Her. Hmmmm! Luxury. I pumped gently, wanting to enjoy it for as long as I could given I was not to cum.

After some time She told me I could cum in Her, in exchange for 5 strokes of the cane. I groaned, and asked Her what She wanted me to do – to control myself, or cum and receive the cane. She told me to cum and I did. Thrusting deep inside Her.

As I lay with Her, wondering if She would in fact give me the strokes, She said that She would buy me a book, into which I should record all the strokes I was due, so that She could give them to me at the next opportunity. This sounded ominous. Perhaps She was planning to actually give them to me.

Next day She told me She has bought the book.

When instructed, She says, I am to write in it ‘Dear Mistress, Please give me [insert number] strokes for [insert reason].’

After She has given the strokes She will tear out the page and give it to me to write ‘Thank You Mistress’ on the page.

She went on to say that I must do Her handwash every Friday religiously, or I would get ten strokes.

I think She is serious this time, and my arse will be bleeding again soon.

It is now over 24 hours since She told me about the book, and already my attitude towards Her has improved. I have done more chores and served Her better, just to ensure I do not get punished.

Oral servitude

Last night Mistress had me go down on Her in bed. I did and licked her to loving orgasm. As I did, She was WET. Only two things have made Her this wet in the past – one is when She has sex with another lady, and the other is when She reads lesbian porn while I eat Her. I wondered what thoughts made Her so wet while I licked at Her last night.

As we lay together after, She having decided that I would not cum, She said She had thought about being fucked by two guys at the same time (‘one each end’ as She called it) and also thought about being eaten while She was fucked. She also thought about and made the decision that I would not cum. These three things made Her that wet.

Well, I was lucky, I got to lick Her wet pussy.

She asked how I felt about Her decision that I should not cum. I replied in all honesty that I loved it not because of what the decision was, but because it gave Her pleasure to make the decision, and Her pleasure is all that matters to me.

2008

Life continues to be busy, which partially accounts for my lengthy silence.

We are now more than half way through 2008, living ‘Her Way’ as we agreed to do at the turn of the year. During that time Mistress has chosen not to actually cane me. To give me credit (!) I have not asked her to, nor suggested that She should (not until very recently anyway, but I’ll come to that in a minute).

Only twice in 2008 has She said that She is going to cane me, but She has not actually gone through with it (thank goodness for my arse!).

I no longer call Her ‘Mistress’ to Her face, I now wank occasionally (this morning, for example!) and I would say we actually no longer live a FemDom life. I have even initiated sex with her about twice this year, and no longer ask Her permission to cum.

So I found it interesting/odd last month when, on the eve of my birthday as I got into bed She said “You can have an early birthday present. Go down and eat my pussy!” And I did. Very grateful for my ‘early present’.

I loved the way She told me that it was my treat to eat Her pussy! How weird is that! But She was right – particularly because She granted me the ‘treat’. That made it all the more of a privilege for me.

Once She had cum, she held my throbbing cock briefly in Her fist, and told me that She was not letting me cum, as She preferred me horny. As we slept, She promised to give me 44 strokes of the cane the next day, as a birthday present.

So on my birthday the next day I asked Her if She had really decided to reintroduce the cane to our relationship, and why. She smiled and said She had decided to reintroduce it. She did not explain why. I mused over it.

Later that day we ended up have a HUGE row, and the cane never materialised. We had an enormous blow up, and it took weeks before our relationship returned to anything near normal, which it has now done.

Since the row, all trace of FemDom has gone from our relationship. Mistress has even made the morning tea for us in bed. Only today, for the first time this week, did She ask/tell me to go down and make the tea.

Last night I went out with the boys for a beer. In fact, while we were out we met the sportsman that Mistress used to have a relationship with. (See ‘sportsman’ in my tag cloud for blogs on this relationship).

As we drank the tea I made in bed in this morning, She told me how She had anticipated my return last night, and had plans to make me lick Her arse and make Her cum.

My cock got hard as She spoke, and as I held my cock in bed I told her of my erection as I asked Her if she really planned to make me lick Her arse.

I told Her that these days my cock gets hard every morning thinking about us re-establishing a FemDom relationship. To my surprise She said that She felt the same way, and said that only yesterday as She was wiping Her arse after a shit She questioned why She was doing that Herself and not getting me to lick it clean for Her.

That thought was too much for me, and I confessed to Her that I dreamed of Her deciding to lead us into an even more strict FemDom relationship than we ever had, where She caned me thoroughly for the slightest infraction – particularly for not offering to lick Her arse enough or serve Her in any way.

She expressed some interest in this, and said it worked well for Her, and she was thinking of introducing it.

I said to Her that I would really not want to do it unless it was 110% domination by Her, with ruthless punishment associated with any failure on my part, which I noted in the past She has been reluctant to apply.

She accepted this previous reluctance, but said that She now thought that it actually worked best for Her when we lived like that, and that She did want to reintroduce it.

We shall see. Meantime my cock is hard at the thought. I am sure she will have me lick Her arse tonight.

Happy Birthday

Nearly a month since my last post: I’m sorry folks. Life has been busy, and I’ve been trying to make sure I live real, and not in a fantasy world.

Well, last month Mistress never did give me the canes She had said She would. I was nervous for days, but it never happened. She chose not to do it.

As recently as two days ago She drove up our drive after dropping the kids at school, on Her way in to work, and I thought She had stopped by to cane me. I was terrified. But She had come to pick something up.

I told Her I was scared that She had stopped by to cane me, and She laughed, saying one day She might just do that.

Today being a Friday I have already hand washed all the delicate clothes She left out for me. Since She sentenced me last month I put a weekly reminder on my phone so I never forget – so She didn’t even need to cane me – just the thought of it made me more efficient.

Today is Mistresses birthday. 36, though She still looks 21. Apparently some people in Her office believed it was Her 21st birthday. Worrying!

Anyway, we went to bed after midnight last night, and She chose to have a Birthday orgasm, so told me to go down on Her, which I gladly did, eating Her to a hug orgasm.

She has started to order me down on Her much more recently. Not always waiting for me to offer, which I like. She should enjoy oral sex whenever She wants, not just when I want to offer.

As I licked and sucked Her pussy She said that She was thinking She might re-introduce the cane to celebrate Her birthday year. The idea clearly turned Her on, though, to be honest, She has not chosen to cane me once in 2008 and I think it is unlikely that She will. But the important thing is that the choice is Hers.

After She came She spooned back against my hard on, and I asked for permission to put it in. She kindly allowed me, but instructed me very clearly not to cum, so I did not, though my cock was hard and the pleasure great.

This morning I asked if I could please lick Her arse before getting out of bed. While generally I am less submissive towards Her now that She no longer canes or openly dominates me much, the one thing I do like to do is submissively lick Her arse in bed before Her day starts. I find that such a powerful reminder of Her position in the house should She choose to exercise it.

She gladly allowed me and I licked deep into Her arse, fucking and licking it with my tongue.
Eventually I had to stop and get up to make tea and breakfast, which I reluctantly did. At least the day started right.

Will she reintroduce the cane? I hope so, and I hope not. We shall see.

Sentence

Mistress came two mornings in a row, both huge, shattering orgasms as I nibbled and licked, which in turn gave rise to two occasions on which She told me to cum in Her – so I have been the lucky one.

On Friday I did not get round to doing the hand wash that I am supposed to do, and Mistress has told me I will receive ten extremely hard strokes of the cane while tied down. So hard, She says, that I will never fail to do the wash on a Friday again – at least not without getting Her prior approval first.

I have already become more submissive and subservient to Her since the sentence was pronounced - going out of my way to do the dishes before they inconvenience Her etc. As I said to Her, if She canes me hard enough then I may have to start calling Her Mistress to her face (in private) so as to confirm my subservience and avoid further strokes.

This morning when I was tardy in getting out of bed to make the tea She said that if I did not move She would add two more strokes to the canes She plans to give me later today.

The kids are out all day, so She has every opportunity to return and thrash me any time through the day if She chooses.

My cock is hard with fear.

Still hard

Mistress has enjoyed my oral ministrations every morning this week. Not always choosing to cum – today She had me lick Her arse.

I have not had an orgasm – though yesterday She got me to put it in half way though eating Her, and then return to eating Her before I was allowed to cum.

I discussed Creative Guy’s blog comment (on my Yahoo blog) with Her – and his views that She should not worry Herself about whether I came or not, but should focus purely on Her pleasure, and She liked the idea of that.

On Wednesday night She allowed me to wank in front of Her, and even wanked me a bit Herself, while we surfed the web together shopping for jeans for Her. My cock has been hard ever since – I can’t remember when She last wanked me.

When I do get to cum it will be explosive. I hope She makes me drink it all up after.

Do I want to cum?

This morning rather than ask if Mistress wanted me to eat Her Arse or Pussy I asked if I could please eat Her Arse or Pussy before I got out of bed – I actually wanted the privilege of doing so.

She kindly agreed and had me eat Her arse, which I did carefully and as effectively as I good, sucking deeply and penetrating Her with my tongue.

I wondered whether She would get me to penetrate Her, but She did not, and so I am back downstairs at work with a hard cock again.

I am a bit confused. Do I want to cum? Do I not want to cum? I always want to cum, but I so love that She did not choose for me to cum, did not go out of Her way to make, let or allow me to cum.

Did She decide not to allow me? Or did She decide to allow me to abstain from Cumming? Or did She not think about it at all? I will never know. The answer is only in Her mind.

Orgasm

Mistress kindly allowed me to eat Her to orgasm before we got up this morning. There was no time for or mention of reciprocity, so I find myself feeling quite horny.

Strap on punishment

As Mistress came over me, to take me into Her, She said

“You know I said I was thinking about what punishment to use with you? Well I’ve thought what it is. It is to fuck you with a strap on with no lube. Because it hurts you like hell and makes you cry, and I love it. It really, really hurts you.”

My cock nearly got soft! This is a shocking development. Mistress has a strapon that She hardly ever uses on me – only three or four times in the years She has had it, because when She does use it I scream like a stuck pig.

It is no turn on at all to think of Her ramming that into me without any lube! It hurts like fuck with lube!

I wonder if She is serious. I genuinely don’t want that to happen at all. But if She demands it then I can’t say no – but I really don’t want it!

She would like 'more service'

This morning as Mistress got out of bed and did Her Pilates I lay in bed with my hard on in my hand and decided to talk to Her – I asked if She was happy with our relationship, particularly with the FemDom aspect of it, and happy that we were living ‘Her Way’ as She wanted.

She said that actually She wanted to make a few changes – in particular to increase the FemDom aspects, especially with me serving Her better - but that She had not had time to make the changes yet because She was too busy. She also said She wanted to introduce some sort of punishment regime for poor service, but had not yet decided what that regime would be.

I asked whether She has decided against the cane as a form of punishment, and She said no, She had not decided.

She asked if I was happy with our relationship and the FemDom side of it, to which I responded that my desires were not really relevant and that all that mattered was what She wanted. But, I said, if She wanted to take my opinion into account at all, not that She should, then as far as I was concerned the more FemDom the better, and more important it should be Her Way.

She said She would talk to me more about it this evening, so we shall see.

Fantasy Aunt

My Wife’s niece is 18 years old, just about to start university. She uses my Wife as an adult sounding board, and greatly values Her guidance on boys, relationships and sex (I believe She is still actually a virgin – but obviously at her age she is thinking about it).

After my chat with my Wife this morning I am now having this great fantasy where She tells Her niece that I eat Her arse or pussy (at Her choice) each morning, and expect nothing in return, and that she (Her niece) should set a similar standard with her men – ensuring they put her needs first and never request or expect any sexual favours in return, unless initiated by her.

The idea of my niece knowing I am such a freakily sexually submissive husband is as much a turn on as knowing that in her is a budding female dominant.

In my opinion if all girls were taught to rule men from a young age they would find it so much easier to do so as they mature, and the world would be a better place for it.

Serving Her Way

Mistress was kind enough to allow me to eat Her arse this morning before She got out of bed. She obviously really enjoys it, because She had me down there for ages before She got up. I licked, tongued and sucked, fucking Her arse with my tongue as much as I could.

When She had had enough She got out of bed and did Her Pilates while we chatted – I shared with Her my fantasy that Her friends know that I offer to and lick Her arse or pussy every morning, and what they would think if they new. She expressed the view they would think She is a lucky girl. She asked what my male friends would think if they knew, and proceeded to answer the question Herself – that they would conclude I was a submissive, with which I agreed.

I told Her that I found it particularly exciting that teenage girls, who’s men friends are constantly requesting sex from them, should know that I lick Her arse or pussy every day without any (other) pleasure myself, so that they could learn that they don’t have to give in, and can have things there way from as early an age as possible. I reminded Her of when I first licked Her arse about 12 years ago, when She was a 22 law student, before we were married.

On Fridays I now take the kids to school – so Mistress will not be stopping by to cane me on Fridays. I don’t think She is going to cane me again – but I choose to serve Her anyway and gain joy from doing that – for if She chooses not to cane me then that is Her privilege as well. I must live with and enjoy Her choice.

Eating

Mistress picked me up yesterday without any suggestion of canning me first.

As I woke, erect, this morning I lay cuddling Her and asked if She would like me to eat Her arse or pussy before She got up. She said She needed to pee and went to the bathroom to do so. I heard Her in there, and hoped that She would have a shit as well, returning to give me Her arse to clean, and waited with excitement to see. She may even choose to just get on with Her day and not allow me the pleasure of eating Her.

As She returned She locked the bedroom door – an obvious indication She would have me eat Her – got into bed and told me to eat Her pussy. I did so to glorious orgasm, wondering what She thought over the five minutes or so it took Her to reach bliss.

She crashed through Her orgasm groaning and I licked and sucked Her out to bring Her down. As she came back I asked if She would like me to lick Her arse which she consented to.

I dipped my tongue lower to Her rose hole, pushed her legs up to Her chest and licked Her arse as She relaxed.

She ordered me up and lay by Her while She decreed it time to wake up and sent me to make tea, erect and without any orgasm of my own. I was delighted and privileged to send Her out on Her day with the arm glow of morning glory.

I am so glad She chose not to let me cum.

Orgasm

I went up to bed as hard as iron, having just read this story here (A Governess for Richard) which I loved.
As I climbed into bed, my stiffie poking out Mistress lay next to me and asked why I was so excited.
I explained how the orphan boy had been trespassing and caught swimming naked by the girls, and how they had chosen to punish him so ruthlessly.
To my delight She got quite caught up in the fantasy and had me finger and then penetrate Her (I hesitate to use the word ‘fuck’ because it was at Her pleasure more so than mine, though I off course did delight in the act myself) Her to orgasm, permitting me to come deep in Her myself.
This morning She has taken the kids to school. Her car is in the garage so She will be coming home to get me to drop Her off at work.
Since the day She first expressed a desire to re-introduce the cane this will be the first time we are in the house alone. I wonder if She will choose to use it. My guess is not, but I am glad that the choice over what to do is Hers.

'Her Way' continues to evolve

Since the start of the year and Mistresses decision to live Her way I have never been punished, caned or admonished for poor behaviour or service – and much of the standard service I used to provide I no longer do.

I still do most of the laundry, but I don’t put clothes away at all (I hate putting clothes away!), I always make tea in bed and breakfast in the mornings and I do most of the washing up and tidying up but no longer do all of it. And Mistress no longer instructs me to provide ad hoc services – such as a cup of tea. She might ask me to make her one, which I always do, but She does not order me to.

A few weeks ago I was down there eating pussy when Mistress decreed that all this would have to change, and that I must offer to eat Her pussy and arse more, and serve Her better. She said I was to start calling Her ‘Mistress’ in private again, and serving Her better, and/or She would start caning me severely.

She told me that as we went off on our holiday She would expect me to serve Her submissively and She would give me a code word She would be able to use in public to mean that I had not served Her submissively or well enough and to make a note ready for punishment on our return home.

In fact Mistress did not actually give ma a code word and did not make further reference to this conversation again – so none of those things have yet come to pass.

I do still offer to (and indeed do actually) eat Her pussy and arse according to Her preference, and I hope that one day this will lead to a re-introduction fo the cane to ensure Her Way is as She wants. But I am not going to ask for or go out of my way to encourage this as I want any decision to do so to be Her and Hers alone.

I don’t really want to face the cane again – I fear it – but I yearn to serve Her submissively and would welcome any stimulus that makes me a better submissive – especially harsh, painful punishment.

I’ll keep you posted.

Going down

I have been suffering a case of ‘man flu’ for the past 3 or 4 weeks, making me quite tired and lethargic, and having quite a negative effect on our sex life.

I know Mistress has been missing Her regular attention, as She reaches for my limp cock at night, and laments that She looks forward to my full recovery.

So last night when we went to bed a little early, and with me feeling a little better, I offered to go down on Mistress. Earlier in bed we had been talking about this story I had enjoyed on Lierotica, especially the bit where JD and Ray get hard in the lifeboat. Hmm, what a fantasy!

So having titillated Mistress with that tale, She was in the mood for some sex, and I quite rightly felt that She deserved my oral attention rather than an offer of a fuck, and the important thing was pleasure for Her.

She gladly and immediately accepted that I eat Her pussy and I went down to do so.

I luxuriated around with me tongue and She soon came to a crashing orgasm, pulling my mouth hard into Her thighs as She groaned with ecstasy. Holding me there for a few minutes after to lick Her clean.

As I came up She turned Her arse to me, obviously contemplating whether or not to give me any. She decided to, and told me to put it in Her slowly, which I did. As I did, She said ‘And if you don’t do my hand washing tomorrow, then you will get strokes for it.” I replied ‘Thank You, Mistress” and proceeded to insert it as instructed.

Following on from the threat of strokes I was not sure if She wanted me to cum and so asked for clarification. She confirmed I should, and talked me through the fuck method She wanted as I Came deep inside Her.

A great night’s sex.

Quiet but interesting

Things have been quiet but interesting since my last post. There has been virtually no reference, explicit or implied, to any FemDom relationship. I have continued to serve Mistress in many ways – I still do 99% of the chores – laundry, washing up, make the breakfast etc – though there is this big different ‘her way’ where she now does it the 1% of the time without complaining, and there is no talk of punishing me if things are not done in any particular way.

Yet there are strange undertones of it in our lives. For my Valentines card I got a very detailed little card from Mistress about how lucky She was to have me, which She followed up with a note to say that what the card says was true. I read into it Her joy that She had a man that held Her in such esteem and put Her first. So She is happy to have me put Her first, but I guess only Her way. OK.

And then at times I get instructions – for example to go and make Her tea, while she sits and reads a magazine. Clear domination. Of course I do as instructed.

So its all rather odd. Are we living FemDom or not?

I am happy with our relationship – so is She. So I’m not complaining. But I am certainly fascinated. Will it ever lead to punishment? Do I want it to? I am very happy not being caned. My arse is on holiday…

Cleaning

Mistress kindly allowed me to lick and suck Her arse clean for Her before we woke up this morning.

In the absence of any domination from Her I am glad to be able to indicate my submission to Her in this way.

I find it fascinating that She welcomes my anal attentions so willingly. Either the physical stimulation feels very good (I do try!) and/or the psychological trip of having me down there is a hummer.

Either way, I am glad of the opportunity.

Threat

Last night Mistress threatened to cane me for the first time this year; the ‘Her Way’ year. She was telling me that the laundry that needed hand washing was building up and that I should deal with it, or She would give me strokes. Needless to say the washing is now done and hanging up to dry.

The night before we were talking in bed about me licking Her arse. She observed that She had not had a shower since her last shit, and told me to go down on Her, which I gladly did, licking, sucking, and pushing my tongue into Her arse hole.

After She had cum, playing with Her pussy as I licked Her arse, She let me in to Her. As I fucked She asked what I was thinking, and I answered, quite truthfully, that I was hoping She had enjoyed me licking Her so much that She had decided to give me two strokes of the cane on any and every day that I did not lick Her arse first thing in the morning.

She loved the idea of this and groaned, thrusting back into me to draw out my orgasm.

I think that’s why She threatened me with the cane the next day. But I shall still not ask for it, as I do not want it other than Her Way.

Double Jeopardy

Last night we stayed up late watching ‘Double Jeopardy’ (what a hot punani Ashley Judd is! I struggled to keep my tongue in!). So it was 1 am before we got to bed.

My cock was hard, but I doubted I would get any action at that time of night. I snuggled up naked to Mistress, my protuberance sticking into Her arse and we went to sleep – I didn’t even offer to eat Her, and she did not touch my cock despite its protuberant nature.

This morning it was, of course, hard again. Again I poked it into Her as we lay together, and again She did not touch or acknowledge it. Eventually I relented and went for the only sex I would get: I offered to eat Her arse or pussy. She chose Her arse and I went down on Her, licking deep and pushing in for Her (and my!) pleasure.

When She’d had enough She got out of bed to do Her Pilates. Confirming that this is after all Her way. I wonder what else it bodes. Clearly it involves limited orgasms for me.

I am fascinated that after all the blow outs and arguing we’ve had in the last month She clearly wants to dominate me still. I wonder if or when She’ll reach for the cane.

My offer to eat Her this morning is the closes I’ve come to ‘seducing Her dominant nature’ this year. I didn’t do it to seduce Her dominance. I did it because I wanted the sex act with Her. I maintain that I will not seduce Her dominant nature. I will simply permit Her whatever She wants, Her way.

Misimpression?

I’ve been pondering my last post.

It’s not that Mistress does not order me around this year – As I said, She did tell me to go and make Her tea while She read a magazine. And once She told me to go down on Her (but then allowed me to cum hard inside Her after She had cum).

When Her shoes or boots are clean She still leaves them in the utility room for me to clean, and She leaves her hand wash laundry under my sink for me to deal with – so there is still a fair deal of dominance going on (My cock is getting hard thinking how much there still is going on…!)

But on the other hand I’ve stopped putting away the laundry. I hated doing that, and if She’s not going to tell me that I have to do it now we’re living Her way, then I’m not about to volunteer…..

So it’s actually quite interesting stuff, and since I’m not going to ask for punishment, if She decides to introduce it then it will be Her Way because She wants to influence me, which is of course the only punishment I welcome.

There we go…

2008 - "Your Way"

Mistress and I had chat about our relationship as the new year approached. The long and the short of it was She felt I had expectations of Her in my FemDom fantasies that She was not comfortable with. She said She felt I had ‘read too much’ and developed an expectation of ‘how it should be’.

I asked Her how She wanted to live, what She wanted to do – She said She wanted things to work her way.

I explained to Her that in fact I did not read any FemDom literature, because other people’s fantasies did not interest me much – I was more concerned with us being happy.

I said I had no expectations at all, and that She should not worry about this, but lead as She chose.

We agreed to think about it.

After a day or two’s thought the idea came to me, and I suggested to Her that our motto for 2008 should be ‘2008 - Your Way’ where we would do everything Her Way, whatever that was, not ‘my way. She was delighted with this idea, and so we agreed, for Her the motto was ‘My Way’. For me, the motto is ‘Her Way’.

Since then I have consciously withdrawn all submissive behaviour from the old style, and started to live a vanilla life, waiting for Her lead to guide me in Her Way.

This year I have even initiated sex once, leading to penetration and orgasm. She expressed shock that I had cum without permission, but I said nothing, allowing Her to lead Her Way – and She chose to drop it.

She has since allowed me to cum in Her after She initiated sex, but on that occasion I did ask if She wanted me to cum in Her.

She has not caned me this year – I have certainly not encouraged Her to, and neither will I.
At times I get the impression She wants a vanilla life. But last night after we had eaten I was watching the news after a busy day, and She was reading Her magazine, She asked/instructed me to go and make Her tea, which I gladly did. (Of course in the old days I would have offered to make Her tea every day at this time or been punished for it).

Then this morning my cock was hard and I pushed against Her and massaged Her tits, when She told me to sleep – meaning ‘leave off the sex’, which I immediately did.

My cock has not been getting as hard this year. The absence of a clear FemDom structure has impeded my libido considerably.

I find it quite confusing at times. There are times I have thought that if She asks me to present myself for the cane then I shall refuse, as we do not live a FemDom life any more, so why should I suffer the cane? But then there are times that I of course miss it, and would be very excited at the idea of Her caning me ‘Her Way’.

My concern would be that She canes me because She thinks She is doing me a favour. That I would not like, as the cane hurts and it does me no favours at all if that pane is not for Her glory.
Interesting new year.

I think it’s just a matter of time before She does cane me, and that will be an interesting turning point. In the meantime I live vanilla and await Her guidance on Her Way.