To submit and to serve

Mistress has not used the review forms or the cane for some time now – apart from some disciplinary strokes about a week ago, 'just to put me in my place'.

I find this intensely frustrating and difficult. After some time of not being told what to do, not being punished for any insubordination, I think to myself: “If I’m not serving Her and submitting to Her,” (read: being punished) “then why aren’t I allowed to fuck Her as well?”

And so we get into the discussions about why She doesn’t wan’t me to fuck Her properly.

I’ve always said to Her, the only basis for being a cuckold submissive is that She is the dominant and I the submissive.

But this time I have tried to be different: I have said to myself “This is how She has chosen to live, so support Her decision. Don’t question it. Live with it. If She chooses not to punish you, but to kiss You instead, then be glad of it. Continue to serve Her.”

So that’s what I’ve tried to do. And by and large its gone reasonably well.

But this morning in bed Mistress said “Lick my arse!” No preamble. Just that. She has never been that blunt. So I did. I licked it to the best of my ability. She clearly loved it, moaning as I did.

After, when She called ‘enough’, She told me to go and made tea. No sexual hint for me. Just go and make tea.

As I got out of bed She told me that She would cane me for not dimming the lights when She asked me to last night. “When I ask you to do something like that I don’t need your attitude,” She said, “You should just do it.” I agree.

And She told me to start to submit the review form to Her every day, so She could use it to ‘manage that sort of behaviour’ better.

As I showered later my cock got hard. She wants me to not fuck Her properly, ever again (“get that right out of your mind”), She wants me to encourage and support Her fucking other men (She picked up a one night stand about a month ago, and sucked and fucked him) and She wants me to submit and serve Her ‘without attitude’. Fucking perfect. THAT is exactly where I want to be. And not just to be, but to manifestly be. A complete wimp cuckold submissive who serves Her, submits to Her and comes second to Her in every way.