Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sadly Mistress and I have had a fight. I got mad and She got mad and things got bad.
We’ve made up now, and I clearly symbolised this by offering to lick Her arse this morning, and She accepted it, by allowing me to lick Her arse.
Afterwards I sent Her this series of messages that I want to share with you.
10:10, 29 Nov - sub hubby: The reason I say I am happy for us to break up is not because I want us to break up, but is for the same reason I am submissive to you, and because I believe you are so good and sexy and desirable, such a complete woman, that it is difficult to see why you would settle for someone like me.
10:10, 29 Nov - sub hubby: The last thing I want to do is lose you. I want to serve you forever...
10:13, 29 Nov - sub hubby: This is also why I get upset when I don't think you are being honest or happy. Because I want to respond to the honest you and fulfil the honest you, and I want to make you happy. I if I worry you are not being honest or happy then I worry I can't be making you happy, and that is the most important thing to me.
10:13, 29 Nov - sub hubby: So its all upside down, I get cross because I am your submissive.
10:13, 29 Nov - sub hubby: I hope you can see that.
10:13, 29 Nov - sub hubby: And I will try not to get cross. X
10:18, 29 Nov - sub hubby: By the way, I am not making excuses for my bad behaviour. I am just letting you know why I say and feel those things. XXXX
10:27, 29 Nov - sub hubby: I do wish that you understood, and accepted and embraced this position in me, in order to fully exploit and enjoy the dominant role you deserve and should have in our relationship.
10:29, 29 Nov - sub hubby: You think cuckolding makes me angry, and but it's not that. It's more the fear and uncertainty caused by your reluctance to openly embrace a happy and entirely honest dominant role in our relationship.
10:32, 29 Nov - sub hubby: For example, when I ask you, and or in my mind want to fuck your arse after Torremolinos has loosened it, and you tell me that that is not my role, and that you love and want me to submissively lick it better, then I feel good because I believe you value that in me. XX
10:37, 29 Nov - Mistress Wife: Thanks for explaining. I understand better. I love you and I love you forever as my submissive. XX
Friday, November 09, 2012
Before the submissive relationship started, She’d nearly always give me a blowjob during this 5 day window, but all that stopped years ago – no chance of that happening now.
Sometimes She might wank me at this time, but this is less likely if She’s upset Herself and me in the past few days, as is the case this time around.
So the next few days are looking bleak sexually, for me anyway.
This makes it all the more interesting if Torremolinos reaches out for Her. Because of course for him, the absence of pussy is neither really here or there – because he’s just as happy raping Her arse and mouth – in fact, a closed pussy simply goes to justify using these other holes even more – so though She’s off sexual limits to me, She’s well on for him.
Even more interesting, is he usually reaches out on Friday, and today’s a Friday…
Because She upset both of us in the last few days, She suggested that She and I go to the pub for a drink this evening – I guess to kind of make up. We can’t do that if She’s out having anal sex with Torremolinos, so it’ll be interesting to see what happens if he reaches out.
Of course my cuckold hard on gets even harder at the thought of Her cancelling Her plans with me, to take Her arse to him, leaving me high and dry…
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
I’m in a place I’m not really sure I want to be in.
If I ask for ‘normal’ sex (Mistress and I call it ‘Tatoo sex, because if I fuck Her doggy style [which I never do] then I get to see the tattoo in the small of Her back); so if I ask for Tatoo sex, then She says no – She does not suck wimp cocks and they don’t go in Her arse. “Those holes are reserved for real men who just take them”.
Well, after She’s told me no, I am hardly likely to ‘just take them’ am I. Torremolinos does, but that’s not me. I’d only want to do it if She wanted me to do it, and apparently She doesn’t.
My role, She says, is to lick Her arse gently, and have gentle, submissive sex with Her; a submissive role.
But this takes me to the standard cuckold submissive conflict.
If I am the submissive, then She must be the dominant, in which case Her role is to dominate me. She does not do this, in any way other than by requiring my acceptance of my cuckold, wimp status.
But my cuckold, wimp status wants more than that. It wants a dominant that does not just want to be served, but that wants to dominate. And that is apparently not Her.
This leaves me having to give, not get.
I appreciate that I give submission, and in return get love and acceptance. But my servitude feels wasted without some domination.
Sardax clearly understands. And in fact fuels my fire.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Over the years I have amassed an enormous collection of only the finest looking women that now adorn my desktop. I also have a large collection of Mistress in sexy poses, taken by a professional photographer.
Years ago, before we started our FemDom relationship, I surfed porn a lot – often in front of Mistress, never hiding it from Her, and in fact sharing the best of my findings with Her. We used to buy and watch porn DVDs and videos together, and both shared a very open attitude to sex.
Now we never watch porn together. And when She’s at home, like today, I can’t bring myself to flash porn image across my screen (other than the pictures of Her which are all in very good taste).
Why? I feel it is disrespectful of Her to have big, crude images of naked women on my desktop. Why? I don’t know. I just do.
This has not stopped Her from enjoying porn with Her bulls. David in particular used to provide all sorts of really wild porn that they would watch together on DVD, and She would tell me about it in great details afterwards, sharing that She had really enjoyed it. So She enjoys it with him, why should I hide it? Because I find it disrespectful.
I’ve always had this ‘respectful’ attitude to women – that I now realise is actually a submissive attitude.
I treat women gently and with respect, where others dominate and fuck them like whores.
In university I enjoyed a three year relationship with the most beautiful girl on the campus. I would regularly sleep in Her room. She never even visited my room, let alone slept in it.
We would cuddle and sleep together and She never once let me fuck Her or even touch Her tits – but I was welcome to stay the night and sleep with Her for three years.
And she was no virgin. She had boyfriends, generally from outside the campus, that she would go and visit. Once I recall she took up with a guy from campus, and I saw them cuddling by the rugby pitch watching a match, her arm in his. Clearly having fucked the night before, and clearly going to fuck again that night.
I felt a pang of cuckold jealousy watching them by the pitch. I remember the day and image like it was yesterday. She saw me looking. Everyone else there assumed that I’d finished with Her after my long and lucky relationship with her. Little did they know.
I wondered at the time what she told her new beau about me. Had she told him that I’d never fucked her? All those years ago – I was about 22 at the time – I had never heard the words cuckold or submissive, but I obviously knew what they were.
I’ve since realised this is the submissive me.
Building on that fantasy, what I would love, more than anything else, would be for Her to enjoy a relationship with a dominant fucker that bangs Her and treats Her like a complete whore, but who also dominates me and encourages Her to do so. That would be nirvana.