Wednesday, April 15, 2009

She makes me cum

Last night we were laying together in the lounge watching TV and my cock was hard and horny. Mistress had been texting Her new boyfriend to try and set up a date for him to come out with us and then come home one night when the kids are away for a sleep over. She said She would get me to lick them clean when they were finished.

Mistress saw my hard on and wanked me, saying She wanted to get some sleep in bed that night – so She wanked my until I came – huge quantities of cream spilling all over my shirt – HUGE quantities.

I was so grateful – I still am.

But She never just wanks him. Him She sucks and fucks before She wanks – and usually for 2-3 hours before he cums.

So while I am very grateful for the sex She gives me, I am thoroughly humiliated by the sex that She gives him.

She tells me She never compares us, never thinks ‘this for this one’ and ‘the other for the other one’ – says that never crosses Her mind. It certainly crosses my mind!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why am I so fucked up?

For years I asked You to get a boyfriend – someone You enjoyed shagging that you could have real fun with and just fuck whenever either of you want.

Then You found one – You were attracted to him, and You nabbed him and started to shag him, and You loved it.

I was so happy for You – this was my dream/our dream come true, and You enjoyed it so much, it was wonderful.

You even let me eat his cum out of Your pussy, You are so hot and kind.

But then what happened?

A few things happened

You told him about me/Us. He accepted that and was excited about the prospect of participating with us. You told me this.

After that, You went ahead to meet with him again. But now things were different – the two of You had said that I could play. So why, if I could play, and the sex with him was so wild and so much fun, would You want to go off with him alone rather than with me? And not just that, but for 4 hour long sessions? I wanted to play too.

So I became jealous. You’d fixed it so I could play, and I wanted to play. In my childish selfishness and jealousy I could not understand how/why You could even want to continue to play without me – even though this is what I’d asked You to do for years.

I am a selfish fucker. I moved the goalposts on your when I saw personal benefit for me, and a dilution of benefit for you to incorporate me.

I am sorry. I should not have done that. I was very unfair of me.

The question we face now is: Given all this, and my jealousy, can You go on seeing him? Can we deal with that?

The answer should be Yes: I always said I wanted it – and when You had it, I loved it for You and encouraged You to go and meet him – so what’s changed now?

What’s changed now is that I have a childish, selfish desire to join your play in the sandpit. That’s got to be wrong. It’s your sandpit – I made it for you and it’s not mine to take away.

So what I should do is step back: Get with the programme. This is Your boyfriend, Your sex, Your fun time. My roll in it all is to revel in Your enjoyment and be here for You when You get back.

And if you ever get me to participate (which You have already done once you kind and loving thing!) then I should be grateful that You are so kind to me – and not demanding of any right that I don’t have to move the goalposts on Your sexual pleasure.

I have been very selfish and self centred. I should be happy for You that You have done so well. The fact that You have even iced the cake by blowing me while he fucked Your arse beggars belief at how lucky I am, and how shameful my jealousy is.

If I were half the man I’d like to think I am, I’d apologise shamefully and give You back Your freedom.

Go with Option 1: Carry on having fun with him. Love it!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

WTF

She left in the cab at 11pm. It's 1:45 am now. He lives 10 minutes away. WTF. She arrived there at 11 pm. WTF have they been doing since then - for 2 hours 45 minutes? you can't sustain a hard on for that long - well I can't - and maybe therein we have the problem?

How do I end this? If I tell Her I can't cope She'll probably stop seeing him - maybe. But how do we move forward from that? The questions will be constant - why did I lead Her into this etc.

I tell you, I can't hack it. It hurts too much.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

My tears have wet this page


Look, I don’t want to be a missionary. I’m no evangelist, but dudes, I’ve climbed the mountain. Well actually, I haven’t, but I’m doing so now. I want all of you to think about it before you embark on this journey, because it hurts like fuck.

For the last 5 years I’ve begged my Mistress to find a boy friend. About 15 years ago, I used to make her dress up in short skirts with no knickers, and then fuck her all over the place. Yum-mee! Deeeeliscious!

But then I became ‘submissive’ and stopped asking for it. Instead I begged and grovelled, and because I knew She liked a more dominant man and more dominant sex, I suggested she get a boyfriend.

“Get a guy who will really shag You’, I said, ‘Not a wimp like me’.

Now She’s done that. And She’s just got dressed in a short dress with no knickers and gone off to meet him, carrying cuffs for him to tie her up, nipple clamps I used to use on her, and lube for him to fuck her in the arse. And if you think I’m kidding then dude, I’m not.

I can’t even blog about it. I begged her not to go, but she said ‘fuck you’ – ‘for years you asked me to do this, now I’m doing it, and enjoying it, and you want to fuck it up – bollocks!’

So she went. But first, at 10:50 at night, she showered, redid her make up, got dolled up and then went. Holy shit. Looking absolutely wonderful.

My fucking goodness.

This shit is heavy. I think I’m gonna ask Her to please relent – I just can’t cope – I thought I could, but fuck! I fucking can’t - I want Her as mine!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

It is personal (to Her)


Mistress tells me he’s sent Her loads of texts today – goodness know how many. She didn’t tell me immediately he sent texts – only after he had sent ‘loads’ of them.

That’s the hardest thing about being cuckolded – simply not knowing anything unless She has the grace and generosity to tell me.

For all I know he could have been texting Her since lunch time, but She only decided to tell me now. Maybe he’s texted Her since, and they’ve arranged a rendezvous, and She’s not even told me yet – She could turn up at 8.30 this evening with the lingering taste of his spunk on Her lips, and then tell me whatever She chooses… or meet with him and not tell me anything.
I am only part of it if, when and on the terms She chooses....

HE is feeling horny...


Mistress is at work. She tells me her new boyfriend is feeling horny and texting Her suggestively. She says She might meet him this evening on the way home just to wank or blow him and empty his balls.

I wish I could text Her and get Her to empty my balls in a car park down town. Why can’t I? I always used to do things like that when we first met – why not now?

But like She says, She “would not be comfortable going back to that with me”.

Careful what you wish for, guys. You might get it, and struggle to live with it. ...

Roosting chickens


You may have noticed my recent anguish when Mistress took a lover.

She has screwed many guys in the 15 or so years we have been together, but this is the first time She has done so with n involvement from me whatsoever, and has really enjoyed his company and the sex so much.

She went out with a bunch of office colleagues and met this guy in a night club – he used to work with the others. They hit on each other and ended up back at his place from about midnight to 5 am, when she came home to bed with me. She didn’t screw him that first night, but ‘just’ gave him a blowjob.

A couple of days later she went to meet him again to complete the unfinished business. This time they had full on sex for a good few hours.

Three days later she was back with him for more. This time they met at a popular bar and spent a few hours there before going back to his place for more wild sex. This is the first time She has ever wanted to actually go out with another guy and just have a good time (before going back to shag him) since we met – it certainly marks a major milestone.

She told me that he put a condom on a huge banana and screwed Her with it, and they watched each other wanking. Then he taught Her what ‘deep throating’ is – I have never done this to Her. He told Her to hold still while he shoved his cock all the way down Her throat. She retched and retched, but he kept at it, and She said it connected right to Her cunt and She sprayed cum from Her pussy all over his bed while he fucked into Her throat, which was still sore the next day. She has never sprayed cum for me. Ever.

After about 3 hours of sex, he finally came stood over Her wanking into Her open mouth, which She then swallowed.

She loved it.

I was traumatised big time. Hugely. Not only had She met, picked up and had sex with this guy without my involvement, She had gone back for more, including social time.

When I told Her I was really struggling with it, She put Her foot down and said bollocks to that – I’d suggested this for many years, and now that she’d finally found someone she enjoyed doing it with She was not stopping just because I got the ebejeebees.

I can’t remember when I last used a piece of fruit on Her – and when I suggested it to Her a couple of weeks ago She knocked me down hard – but here She was, loving it from this other guy.

My chickens have come home to roost.

She tells me She loves me, not him. Great – that means She’s just with him for the sex – that makes me feel really good! I don’t give Her all She wants in that respect – now when She gets horny and feels wet, She’s thinking of him, not me.

Holy shit. This is crazy.

But the wildest thing about it is that it is true – it has been a self fulfilling prophesy. Because I stopped treating Her rough in bed and shoving large fruits up Her cunt and wanking into Her mouth, She has found a ‘real man’ without my hang ups who is glad to do these things with Her, and who She loves doing these things with.

A ‘real man’. What a cliché. But its true – he does not pussy foot about like I do – he gets down to the filthy point, just like She loves it.

I offered to go back to playing a more dominant role in the bedroom if that’s whay She would like, but She said this would never work, and that She would not be comfortable with that. I was better placed as a submissive.

Next time we shared a glass of wine she proposed a toast to our new, deeper FemDom relationship.

What have I unleashed? Guys, be careful what you wish for…

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Insecurities

My insecurities are not caused by David.

They are caused by finding out that you like having his cock shoved down your throat and you like him using a banana on you - and fearing that you miss having had those things with me.

Have I made a huge mistake in bringing us here?

If....

If you told me that you love our FemDom relationship exactly as it is, and don't want it to change - you want us to carry on with it and move deeper into FemDom, then I'd believe that's what you want, and I'd have no problems - my insecurities would be covered.

My fear is that you won't say this - ergo my insecurities must be justified - you want something else.

OK! 'I want'...

If I had my choice, then Iwant you to:-

(1) Tell me that you are happy with me being submissive = you are happy with our sex life, you don't want me to change, and you want to move on with our LFA lifestyle, and

(2) enjoy carrying on seeing David.

"If I were David"

This morning in bed when I said that “if I were David” I would shove my cock in your mouth or wank over you, it actually had nothing to do with David the guy – and had everything to do with me.

What I meant was this:

Now that we live a FemDom life, I would be embarrassed to just start wanking my morning hard on over you, and certainly would not try to stuff it in your mouth. I would of course be happy – delighted - to do either of these things if you encouraged or allowed me to, but I would be very wary of suggesting them to you, because I don’t feel it is my place to trouble you with my sexual urges. You can tell my cock is hard, and you can choose whether to do anything about it or not, and if you choose to do something about it, you can choose what to do….(it was wow! when you chose to hold it in bed this morning ;) thank you!)

So what I meant by ‘if I were David’ could better be restated as this: “If I were a real man, confident about my sexual relationship with you, then I would take this big, hard cock I have here and either wank it over your tits right now, or stuff it down your throat. But I am not a real man. I am a weak submissive that fears and respects his love for you too much to just do that to you.”

So to interpret this as an issue I have with David personally, or your relationship with him personally, is wrong – the problem I have is with myself and my own inadequacy in not pushing my sexual advances onto you.

Mixed signals

I’m getting mixed signals here, and so I am confused.

Last night when you came to bed I explained to you that while you were out the room I had been wanking. I explained that as I heard you return I stopped and covered myself up, because as your submissive I would be embarrassed to just wank in front of you.

I asked you if you minded this and were happy with it, - do you prefer me to suppress my wanking in front of you as I had done, or would you rather I was open and explicit about it – wanking in front of you.

Your reply was unequivocal. There was no hesitation: You said you prefer the submissive behaviour and I certainly should not wank in front of you.

I was immediately grateful for your guidance, and so happy that I had chosen the correct course of action – which I thought was correct too.

But, there is an area where I am really confused about this – and it is this confusion that scares me – I think it is this confusion that scares me more than your relationship with David: If I might explain:

Years ago when we met I would have wanked over you or cum in your mouth when I had a hard on like the one I had this morning. Now I no longer do that, unless you ask me to, or permit it on those rare occasions I might as for permission to do such a thing.

Yet when you meet David [read any other guy you might choose to meet – right now – and for the first time ever – it is him so I’ll use his name], he does do those sorts of things to you (and that’s great – I don’t begrudge you those things at all – you are a sexy goddess and you deserve them).

My fear and confusion is not about David personally – my fear is about me and the fact I don’t do those things to you the way I used to. Now that you’ve found someone who does, what I want to do is seek confirmation that you are happy with that state of affairs:-

A. Are you happy with me as a submissive who does not do these things to you? Or

B. Would you prefer it if I reverted to a more equal (or even more dominant?) sexual partner?

The reason I ask this question is fundamental to my current uncertainty: If you are happy with me as a submissive, and love and prefer me like that, then we don’t have a problem – my behaviour is making you happy and so I am happy, because I want to make you happy.

But if you are not happy with me as a submissive, and you would actually prefer a more equal or aggressive (not necessarily “dominant” but more equal than submissive – or dominant if you want) then this is fine – I LOVED living a slightly dominant life with you, and if you wanted me to live so again, then I would not question your decision and would gladly release my lust/love on to you in the morning :)

Have I made my point? That my current uncertainty requires only a clear message from you on what you want from me?

I am reluctant to push you either way – both have their + and their -. So in my reverence of you (or wimp-ass way – I guess it depends on the perspective ~ more uncertainty) I look to you for guidance – because I want to live your way. I want to make you happy.

What do I want to do?

If you don’t want to ‘impose your answer on me’ then I have failed to communicate myself to you clearly – because your desire in this respect is not and cannot be an ‘imposition’.

But anyway, if you don’t want to impose your answer on me, and you want to know what I think, then it is this:

I love and worship you, so much so that I elevate you and so submit to you – I am happiest living in loving submission to you – that is what I want, but only if it is what you want.

If you want something else, then I smile - because you want me!. So I smile first, and then I put my reverence and submission to you to one side, next to me, where you will see it only in my love and respect for you, and then I say ‘Great! Let’s work on this other thing you want.’

This morning’s fantasy

I had a fantasy this morning. David came to visit you at home for the first time.

Before he got here you had had a shower and we chatted in the bathroom and dressing room while you/we chose your wardrobe as we so often do – discussing what he might like and how you wanted to look. As usual, you looked absolutely stunning by the time you were ready.

When David rang the bell at the gate you locked me safely away in my study where I started to work on my computer, and I heard your muted voices as you welcomed him in (there must have been a lingering kiss, but I could not see you, and of course did not hear it…. though there was a rather long period of silence after your initial greeting – that must have been a kiss. Was he grabbing you gorgeous ass as he kissed you?) and I heard the two of you moving into the kitchen.

The muffled sound of your chatting and tinkling laughter as you flirted and worked him drifted through to me and all I could hear was the general exchange, peppered by the occasional laugh. I could not hear what the two of you were saying. I could well imagine the beauty of your face as you smiled and laughed with him. What a creation.

You came through to the dining room – and of course I could and did see you (looking so good!) as you walked in and soon back out again, carrying a bottle of red with you (I really should have got that ready for you before he arrived – sorry). You did not pause to acknowledge me, but took the wine through to the kitchen.

You carried on chatting, and I started to work. The two of you might be at it for hours – your current average is no less than 3 hours of sex at any one time - and that’s midnight sex, so I needed to get on with something to keep me busy, and I did.

Then I hear the door from the kitchen open – my ears pricked at the sound of movement as I wondered what you were up to.

You took the few paces to my study door and tapped on it.

“Hello you!” you said. “Put on your blindfold and stand in front of the door”. He had obviously decided he wanted to see me.

You waited smiling and watched as I obeyed you. My last thought as darkness engulfed me was how damn hot you looked in those trousers, and how lucky he was that he was going to fuck the living daylights out of you – and how lucky I was that afterwards you would fall asleep in my arms. Anyway, I watched the curve of your arse disappear as I put on the blind fold, and I stood there waiting to be inspected by your new lover.

When I was done I heard you walking away, and calling to him - I could hear your words through the door now that we were closer, and then the sound of two pairs of feet, one slightly heavier, as you brought him to see me through the glass door.

He talked quietly to you – just above a whisper – clearly not wanting me to hear what he said, and you spoke quietly back – yours a little more than a whisper – you had no need to maintain silence – this is your domain.

You giggled again in your electrifying way, and I envied the smile he must have been seeing on your face. You talked some more, and then tapped the glass.

‘Play with your cock! Make it hard for us” you said, and I reached down and took my limp dick in my hand and gently started to wank it. My god, the embarrassment of him watching me do that. I wasn’t at all sure it would get hard!

Of course it did, and I continued to rub the monster slightly more enthusiastically now that it was hard. I heard the two of you talking as I did so. There was the sound of what seemed to me to be the two of you touching, a cuddle I guessed, and silent slobber of a kiss, then a giggle and some murmuring. I continued to wank.

“Stop now!” you said. “We don’t want you cumming. Just stand there, and stay hard”. I did while the two of you mingled and talked softly outside. There was whispering, and the sound of movement – the two of you obviously weren’t just standing there.

[What happened next?]