Friday, December 18, 2009

More action?!

So last night Mistress went off for Her final office party. I was in a pretty bad mood as She got ready to go, because She was talking about another David (this one’s called Dave) that has been hitting on Her and that She’s clearly interested in. Watching Her get all dressed up to go out and perhaps end the night screwing him got me a bit wound up.

I went out for some beers with some buddies of mine, and we both got back home at the same time – about 1am.

I was relieved to see Her home – at least She was not off shagging Dave or Chris (the guy from last week).

She tells me though that Dave was hitting on Her hard, and that She agreed to screw him, but at another place and time… He was emailing and hitting on Her from his Blackberry after the party – hoping they could go off together and have their wicked way.

Today She’s all excited about every contact She’s having with him – She’s clearly turned on at the thought of fucking him.

I’m finding it a bit weary – now that we’re not living such a FemDom life - and that was the justification for Her screwing David in the first place – I’m not too keen on the idea of Her screwing around. If I’m not Her submissive then why would I be happy for Her to have other guys?

I can’t decide whether to talk to Her about it or not. The fact of the matter is I don’t fuck Her as well as David did (or does? I don’t know), so She wants to find it elsewhere – is it fair for me to stop Her? Probably not…I should let Her just get on with it and enjoy Her sexual vitality as much as She can – but I’m kind of feeling that 2010 should be the year of rededication to each other…

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Someone else…

Mistress didn’t hear from David Friday, even though he had said he’d be in touch. The man has no manners, just great cock action (apparently).

Anyway, Mistress decided instead to have one of the young men from work – some guy 10 years younger than her that has been pining after Her. She brought him home (here!) at 4 am and shagged him in the family room for 2 hours!

When he left She came up to bed and said he was the lousiest shag she’d ever had – small cock that never got hard and he didn’t cum… Longest lousy fuck I’ve ever heard of!

But she says She is ‘mortified’ that She did it. She did have a hangover for 2 days, so She might not have been all there when She did….

She says She’s cured of other men and doesn’t want any side action again! Interesting claim, because today is another office party night and they will both be there together –interesting to see if he dares to hit on Her again.

Apparently as he left last time She told him that if he’s going to screw Her again then he’ll need to grow a bigger cock that get’s harder! Ouch! I don’t think he’ll try again, but we shall see!

Meantime life is great and we are happy. We screw so much I can't even get hard when I'm not in bed with Her these days...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Waiting game.

I hate this waiting game. She's out having fun. I've not heard from Her in 3 hours. Experience tells me that means She's talking to him (on text). Will She meet him or will She not? Has She met him or has She not? Or will She come back to me?

I don't like it - I'd actually be happier if She never saw him again. But I know She likes meeting him so I won't ask Her not to.

But I don't like it.

So many changes!


Mistress texted David a few days ago. After some discussion She settled on ‘Fancy a Shag? X’.

He replied…saying he did but it would be difficult as he’s moved to a new neighbourhood and is now living with his girlfriend! So getting away would be tricky, and of course he’s not got his own place any more!

Well, Mistress was surprised. But She suggested to him they meet up this Friday (today) after Her office party, and that he come back here – to which he replied ‘OK. X’.

So She asked me to put a lock on the spare bedroom door, so the kids can’t burst in on them shagging, which I’ve done. So now it just remains to be seen whether they hook up or not. Based on his past record it won’t be until 11pm at least until he raises his head above the parpet, but which time anything could happen…

She was definitely ‘on edge’ this morning – getting dressed to go out knowing She might be meeting him. We shall see.

Golf

I just got off the golf course with my buddy. We were talking and anal sex came up (as it does when guys talk!). He reckons women don’t like anal sex. Certainly my missus doesn’t seem to like it with me much, but She’s never shagged David and NOT taken it up the arse. So if they meet up today, She’ll want it in the arse.

If they don’t meet up today, then I’m going to try for some arse myself and see if I can get it tonite!

Monday, December 07, 2009

Great weekend

We had a great weekend. A good time with the family, then us two went out Saturday night for a movie ('Law Abiding Citizen') which we enjoyed, and then we went out partying and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. Came back and shagged, Slept and shagged. Talked and loved, and then had a great evening with the kids again.

Life is good :)

Friday, December 04, 2009

A little clearer

I'm feeling a little better after unloading my emotions to you all yesterday - it helped me think it through. I'm not 100%, but I am happier.

For years I did not give Mistress the sex I used to. And I encouraged Her to find another lover. When She found one She liked and did the things we used to do it drove me insane with jealousy - I want to be the only one doing those things with Her.

But I don't. I can't. So why fight it - why not accept how lucky I am to have such a loving, beautiful Wife. And why not be glad that She has also managed to find someone who can give Her the good fucking that She needs on ocassion?

Rejoice and celebrate - don't lament what might have been. It has not!

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Orgasms

While we talked that night, She told me that She never has an Orgasm with David. Only with me. She said that David knows this, and this upsets him. That’s why he does not approach Her as often as he might – because it hurts him that She only cums for me.

But She gets so wet fucking him that She squirts. She’s never done that for me.

I’m not sure I believe Her.

I’m not sure it matters whether I believe Her or not. The think about being a cuckold is you don’t KNOW what goes on. You just live with it.

Should I feel better that She said this? At the very least it proves Her heart is in the right place.

What I try to do is this: To not show my uncertainty to Her, and to not ask anything of Her other than Her happiness. That’s what I go for.

Injustice and Acceptance

The day after we had the discussion below Mistress gave me a blowjob in the morning. I had placed Her hand on my cock while in bed that morning – so I kind of initiated things.

I didn’t complain – I wanted it! But I did feel odd as She did it. Was She doing it because I ‘complained’ I was not getting enough? Did She do it to bolster my confidence? Or did She doing it because She wanted to? Could I ever know the answer to that question?

I conclude, even though I do not want to, that it is unsatisfactory me asking for or initiating sex that is for my benefit.

But She tells me She wants me to.

But She also tells me She would not be comfortable going to back to the place we once lived where I did that…

On my last birthday, as a birthday present She gave me anal sex – just to prove that She could give Her arse to me, and not only to David. I LOVED it! Because She chose and gave me the present – I didn’t ask or demand it – so I loved it as a gift from Her.

This cuckold stuff puts one in a very awkward place.

I feel that I would prefer to live a life of accepting that She shags David when She wants a real shag, and shags me when She wants to. Then I’d know where I stood.

Frustrated

I am feeling very frustrated.

Mistress and I were talking in bed as we fell asleep. She got round to telling me that She feels there is something I’m not happy about, that I’m not telling her. She pushed me to tell Her what.

Eventually I conceded that there were two thoughts I had that I had not shared with Her – not because I was not happy, but because I did not want to burden Her with my wishes, but chose to put Her first.

The two things were:-

1) I would like to ‘revert’ to our good old ‘normal’ sex life where we had wild sex – blowjobs, anal, explicit – anything we could dream up – fucking every which way any and all the time.

However, I struggled to muster the confidence to do this, but I was and am working on getting there.

And

2) I would like to live a ‘clearer’ FemDom life with Her, where I didn’t need to worry about what sex I wanted, because we only ever did what She wanted, so I always knew where I stand.

Her response was:-

1) We’ve come a long way from those days – probably too far to go back, and She’s not sure She wants to go back to that – She’s happy with FemDom. And

2) Before She pulled me back up, once She started fucking David I became too insecure as a result of my jealousy – I can’t cope with the insecurity of living the FemDom life She’d want to lead if She lead it.

So. Where does that leave me?

I leaves me half heartedly trying to be more sexually dominant towards a woman who does not want me to be so, and without any clear lead from the woman who might otherwise have lead me.

Sheeit.