More chat...

Me (12:50):
I was very happy giving You a blow job to orgasm last night, and licking Your arse this morning, and getting nothing in return - because You chose not to give me anything. I love it when we do what You want. Xx

Me (13:00):
I wish You felt comfortable sharing intimate sexual things with me - for example saying (1) I would love to just spend a night out with David and go back to his place for a good fuck, or (2) I played with his cock and sucked it for hours - I love sucking his cock, it was great, or (3) Go and buy me 3 fruits to take to David to use in my cunt, or (4) I want to spend the whole night with David and wake up in his arms, so I've invited him to spend the night in London the day of my next course. We talked about it and agreed we don't want you there. Etc Whatever You want really... ;-) xx

Me (13:11):
It was extremely humiliating & degrading to wank myself in bed while you lay next to me and did nothing. Especially wiping my cum afterwards. But I am grateful You let me do it, let me hold Your tits while I wanked, and chose to humiliate me in this way. xx

Me (13:24):
I feel very selfish telling You what 'I want'. Sorry. I guess it's been too easy to be selfish because I'm packaging it as 'I want what You want'.

Mistress (13:40):
Nothing to b sorry abt. Get back to work now! X x

Me (13:41):
Thank You Mistress. Dish washer is not working at all well. Maybe You should sow Your slave how to maintain it so You don't need to worry about it again. Xx

Mistress (13:45):
Ok x x

Texts with Mistress

Conversation with Mistress
Me (09:52):

Hi Sexy. I really love You and just want to make You happy. Xx

Mistress (10:13):
I love you too and you do make me happy & I want to make u happy too! X x

Mistress (10:24):
So, are u genuinely happy for me to txt David? I want the 100% truth & don't say " ur happy if that's what I want!" x x

(11:15 Mistress called me because I had not replied - I had an engineer at home. The engineer was gone, so I asked Her if I could tell Her how I feel, and She allowed me. I tried to explain to Her that my main desire was to be Her submissive. She listened, we chatted and She went back to work)

Me (11:27):
The 100% truth... Hmm. I'm not 100% sure what that is. I am very jealous & humiliated that you want to and actually do what You do with him. But I am also very humiliated that You choose not to touch or suck my cock (especially when You obviously do his). This humiliation is more personal to us and less to do with David (I would still feel it if he were not there). But what I want is to be Your submissive (actually Your sexual submissive, but I don't see how I get to decide that...) 100% Your submissive in any and all ways You want. History tells me that You are happier with this when You are seeing David. If You told me You WANT to text/see/be with David then I'd say 'great - do that'.

Me (11:31):
I sent You the long text anyway - very confusing. I don't want to be confusing - I want to make You happy, and that means You should send the text. We both KNOW thats what You want to do. When we pretend it is not, we do not accept my submission to You. Doing it shows that You do respect Your authority over me and my submission to You, by acting as You want. So, the answer to Your question is YES. I am happy with You sending it. I am happy for You to do it as an act of dominance over me - and because it makes You happy. Xx I Love You. Send it! Xx

Mistress (11:33):
Ok xx will send. We'll discuss more tonite x x

Me (11:34):
Thank You Mistress. I'd be very happy to discuss more tonight, only if You wish to. If not, I will be happy to live per Your wishes. XX. I hope he replies! Enjoy xx

Mistress (11:35):
Cool x x. I doubt he will reply xx

Me (11:36):
Of course he will! He's not daft! You! In a skirt! He'll reply! Xx :)

Mistress (11:37):
We both know he is a weirdo and he has been a little quiet since his big reveal so I honestly do not think he will reply! X x

Me (11:38):
I won't trivialise the Big Reveal! That was huge! But he's doe it before and come back - now he loves You more. He'll be back. I'm sure. Xx We'll see....

Mistress (11:39):
Ha!.... we'll see x x

Me (11:45):
Do you mind if I text You a few thoughts through the day? I don't expect a reply - I just find it easy to share a brief thought when I have it. Xx. Please just reply Y if you are happy for me to send thoughts, or N of you don't want me to - I won't get upset!!! Xx

Mistress (11:46):
Y x x

Me (11:55):
As You know, I would LOVE for You to touch my cock, let alone suck it. I have even asked you to cane me so that You feel able to touch me. Even though You know I would love You to touch me, You have chosen not to do so. I am so happy with this, because I know You are doing what You want, not what I want. I believe You have actually chosen not to touch my cock and therefore You are happy not touching it. Therefore I am happy – even though I WANT You to touch it. I am even happier now that You have said You will give me ‘payment’ strokes tonight.

Me (11:58):
I will be even happier if David asks You to meet him tonight and You chose to spend Your time showering, changing and going to see him rather than wasting 5 minutes of Your time caning me – because I will know You have done what You choose. Though of course I will also be happy if You chose to cane me, and then went to see him, and then came back and told me you’d discussed it with him and agreed not to touch me anyway. Because I’d know You were doing what You want. Xx

Me (12:11):
When You said You would go and see Karen in the morning on your way to work, the jealous child in me resented the fact that You would find time to do that, and apparently did not ‘care’ to find the time to cane me so that You could play with my cock. I dealt with this by accepting it as Your (unconscious) choice. Now, it is not Your job to make my life easier (on the contrary – You need not care about that!) But if You WANT to really make Your slave happy, then if You chose to find time to go and see Karen rather than cane me, then if you give me a kiss and a smile, and ask me if I’d rather You went to see Karen or gave me my canes, then I’d know You were domming me and I’d be as happy as is humanly possible. xx

Confusion

Yesterday put an interesting perspective on our relationship.

Mistress raised with me Her concern that I am too ‘heavy’; take things ‘too seriously’ and can’t just ‘have fun’.

Interesting She did this, because I had said exactly the same thing to Her 3 days ago, but I got shot down for doing it.

So I guess we are in agreement – we don’t have enough fun and happiness together – we squabble too much.

So we discussed it, and She came up with an amazing statement: I complain that She always disagrees with me, and always turns everything into a fight, yet She is supposed to be the dominant partner. If She is the dominant partner, always right, and I must agree with Her and do as She says, then how can I possibly ever argue with Her, because I should accept Her position as the right one.

Well. You could have knocked me down with a feather. You’d have needed an iron bar for my cock, mind you, because that became as rigid as flagstaff as I interpreted what She said.

We didn’t solve all our problems in one evening of talk, but we did agree that henceforth I would accept Her view as the correct an prevailing view. I would beg to differ if I felt it necessary, but we would not fight again, because I would accept Her word.

And so we went to bed.

My cock was as hard as a rock – it’s days since I came. She felt it up against Her and me tossing and turning, and told me to wank so that I could get to sleep. She lay facing away from me while I wanked myself without any involvement from Her – unless you call lying with Her back facing me involvement, which I guess I do.

What a turn.

Today is Monday – She does not work, and will be back from the gym in an hour or so. I suspect I am for a good few strokes of the cane, but I don’t know after yesterday. We shall see.

Power dynamics

Ever since I said to Mistress that I would accept, or perhaps more accurately, requested that She cane me, in exchange for sexual favours, a subtle change has come over our relationship.

She instructs me to do things – “Go and get the tea now.” She said in bed this morning, when I was rubbing my cock on Her wondering if She might touch it (She didn’t!). “Make toast for the kids.”

She is clearly very happy with the change. And my cock has been hard non stop – She knows I am dying for Her to touch it, and She has not done so. She is dominating by doing nothing!

I think She’s decided that I should be treated a bit more like a submissive cuck than She does treat me at present.

I’m sure She won’t cane me today, because the kids are in the house. She can have a much better session tomorrow (Monday) in the daytime when the kids are at school. I get the impression She is loving this. Hopefully I will love the sex, if and when I get it, as much.

Paying for sex

I lie in bed and play with my cock, or look at porn of chicks playing with big, hard, cocks, and get horny. Mistress sucked and played with my cock every day before our Femdom relationship bedded in. And since David, I want it more.

The thought of Her tiny fingers wrapped round my cock giving it pleasure, Her mouth and lips on my cock and She tugs at my balls, is driving me nuts.

She has already named the price – 5 strokes for a hand job, and 20 for a blow job. And I must ask early enough in the day for their to be plenty of time for Her to administer the strokes before we go up to bed.

I decided it’s worth the price, so this evening I said to Her that I would love to feel Her hand and Her lips on my cock. She chuckled and said She was sure I would. She said I know the price. I said I was not sure She was serious – but Oh yes, She said She was serious. Then I would like the strokes I said, because I want the sex.

Well, She said She can’t do it now, because I scream like a stuck pig and the kids would hear – so She is planning to lay it in thick…

But after my 25 strokes, later, when the pain has subsided, She will play with my cock and take it into Her mouth. And we will both be happy because we will both believe I deserve it, and have earned it.

My cock is not hard at the thought. 25 strokes is an ordeal. And David does not have to get strokes to get a blow job – but because She decided, I will accept it happily, and revel in the sex afterwards.

I think this could be really good for us – if She truly accepts that I only get sexual favours in exchange for the cane, and David gets it because they both love it, then it puts both of us firmly in our place.

Fantasy

Mistress told me one of Her fantasies: To be out with me at a nightclub or pub, and bump into David. To move to be with him, and have me go home on my own.

She does not want this to be planned – She wants it to unfold by coincidence. Apparently it would be ‘so wrong’ that the ‘badness’ of it turns Her on.

She’s always been a little non compliant – that’s one of things that attracted me to Her – but of course I never saw myself as the victim back then!

Mistrust

This cuckold relationship brings pressures to bear on both of us.

The phone

Yesterday Mistress went up to London for the day. She had said that at some time in the day She would send David the ‘short skirt text’. But She never mentioned it.

When She got back, I snuck a look at Her phone to see if She had. She’d cleaned Her phone history, so there was no evidence of any conversation with him. I’m sure She didn’t text him, or She’d have told me.

But why did I check Her phone, and why had She cleared Her history?

Amanda

While in London Mistress met up with Her buddy Amanda, who now lives there (Amanda features in my blog from about 2 years ago, for those who don’t know her). They had a glass of wine and a chat, and, Mistress was texting me about it on the train on Her way home. She had told Amanda about David.

“What did you tell Her about him?” I asked. She replied:-

“Just that I met this guy screwed him, enjoyed it… U are up there and he was way lower down & that is u I love…. Generally she was jealous and horrified!”

Now, dear reader, you tell me, what kind of reply is that? Most of that looks to me more like what Mistress wanted to tell me than what She would have told Amanda.

For Amanda to be jealous, seems to me She must have told her more about how great the sex with David was, rather than how much She loves me…

Sex

This morning I offered to eat Mistress’ arse before She got out of bed. But She reached out and felt my hard on, and told me to play with her cunt and put it in – which I duly did.

As we screwed a myriad of thoughts went through my mind. Why did She choose to fuck today? Was it because Her thoughts were of David and She was feeling guilty? Had they talked yesterday? Or did She just genuinely want to fuck me?

I realised all these thoughts were going to prevent any orgasm from ever arising, so I tried to clear my mind.

Then She said “I want you to cum inside me, and then go down and lick me clean, lick your spoof out of me.” Well, of course that tipped the balance – I hate eating Her after I’ve just cum, and She knows it. I love the idea, but the reality is something else.

So of course I came almost immediately, and She sent me down to lick Her clean. When I was done She got out of bed to shower.

The need for sex

This morning I woke up horny – Mistress says I am always horny – She’s right!

I rubbed my hard on gently against Mistress’ thigh and arse while I caressed Her boobs and cuddled Her lovingly – I don’t dig into Her with my cock too much least it cause Her discomfort.

She kindly allowed me to eat Her arse before She got out of bed, and I did my best job, fucking Her arse with my tongue in a manner She clearly enjoyed.

When She got out of bed I followed Her to the bathroom with my raging erection – She saw it and told me to wank, so as to clear my mind for the day. I was hoping She might wank or suck it, but She didn’t offer, so I didn’t ask, but instead thanked Her and wanked. I asked permission to cum on Her back as She brushed Her teeth, which She kindly granted. I came on Her, She showered, and the day started.

I count my blessings, but I envy David who would have had a hand job, and blow job and been fucked, if he’d produced his hard on under similar circumstances, but there we go – one should count one’s blessings, and not complain.

(Doesn’t She need sex?)

Our friends

Later in the day Mistress contacts me – She’s just heard gossip about some family friends of ours. He has a Mistress that we new about – we didn’t approve, but we new.

When they were abroad on their family holiday a few weeks ago his wife asked him: ‘Your having an affair, aren’t you?’, and he said ‘Yes’.

So, his wife goes NUTS, poor lady, and is still nuts. Terrible affair.

My point is this: How did his wife know? They were on holiday away from home – no Mistress in site, no Texts, but she knew.

I believe she knew because he did not ‘need’ sex from her – he was not chasing it from her – there was no excitement in their sex life – because he was getting sucked and fucked elsewhere. He no longer needed her, and she could see that. So she knew. Kerpow! That is how it happens.

That’s why Mistress let me wank this morning – She doesn’t need sex from me any more – when She wants wild sex, She’s got David to think of, not me – ‘but you and I don’t do those things any more…’ She says to me, when explaining how great it is when David uses a banana on Her.

For Her pleasure or mine?

As we lay in bed last night Mistress told me to play with Her cunt (as She calls it). As I did so, She asked if I would like Her to touch my cock. I replied that I would like Her to touch my cock, that I could never get enough of Her touching my cock, but only if it gave Her pleasure to do so.

She said that it would give Her pleasure to do so if I asked Her to, and that in future I must ask Her to touch my cock, following which She would give me 5 strokes of the cane before doing so. She further clarified that I am to ask at least three times a week, or She would give me double that.

She said that I am responsible for making time to get my strokes before we go to bed – so if I have chosen any one day as the day I would like Her to touch my cock, then as soon as the kids go to bed I am to let Her know that I would like Her to touch me that day, so that She has plenty of time to cane me before we go to bed.

She asked me how I felt about that.

What is a slave supposed to say?

I said ‘Thank you Mistress. That is so dominant of You, and if it gives You pleasure to do that then I will be pleased to ask Her to play with me as instructed.’

‘Good’ She said. ‘Now put Your cock in me.’

I slid it in, without Her guiding me as She usually does. She said She could not touch me to guide it, because She would have to cane me first, before touching it, and so I had to guide myself in.

As I screwed into Her my head buzzed, and I shared my thoughts that it was so dominant of Her to insist on caning me before touching my cock, but yet She happily touched and sucked David without making him pay any price. She accepted this.

I told Her that I would love the privilege of seeing Her touch and suck David more freely than She does me, as such an illustration of Her power over me and my submission to Her.

My head and balls were spinning. As always I asked permission to cum in Her, which She granted and I came a huge orgasm into Her.

What a mind blowing session.

So it appears Mistress has resolved, very unusually with no encouragement from me, to be more domineering towards me – at least in this sexual way. What a turn.

Imperfections

Mistress & I had an altercation yesterday. We were discussing plans for today.

This morning at 3am we drove to Heathrow to drop of my father in law. Got back to bed at 7am for 3 hours. Now Mistress has gone for a charity lunch do (12 noon to 4pm) then will come home, then at 7pm we go to Her colleagues for dinner ‘till midnight. So with school drop offs and what have you, it’s a busy day, and we were discussing travelling plans.

Mistress is not good at time planning and keeping, and came up with a string of suggestions that would have meant being late for everything. It deteriorated into an argument. When I asked why it was something to fight over, She said because I was treating Her as if She was an idiot not able to plan and keep time, and She’s not an idiot.

Hmm. This is obviously delicate, because She is not able to plan and keep time. But I have decided it is I that should change. I need to make sure I communicate without there being any possibility of interpretation that I am speaking down to Her. Ever. I need to adopt a more humble approach. I started immediately and I think I am succeeding. Of course I can do better, and I shall try to.

The dinner

Meanwhile on to my worries about the dinner. We are due to get home at midnight. This is a classic circumstance for Mistress to send me home at midnight and go on to hook up with David to dance and fuck. I am sure that would be Her preferred end to the evening. I am terrified it will be the ending to the evening. My heart beats at the thought.

I should, in accordance with ritemate’s guidance, make the suggestion to Her, so that She can happily pursue it if She chooses. I will do that.

The skirt text

One of my Followers, whom I am honoured to be Followed by, ritemate, is incorrigible – he drives me (and Mistress when I share it with Her) deeper with every word of his advice which is always so simple it is predictable – but I don’t think of it.

I put up the poll about the skirt text to canvas your views on whether it would be right or not to send that text. But I think ritemate’s comment on my ‘Crazy Dichotomy’ post says it all – I must encourage Her because it makes Her (so) happy.

So, accepting the poll and ritemate’s advice, not wanting to waste time I suggested to Mistress today lunch time, that She could break David’s recent silence by texting him to say She was planning to wear a short skirt and stockings to work on Tuesday. Just that, and see what transpired.

She loved the idea, grinning all over the place and discussing it (it’s so weird that what is obvious to one person is not obvious to another – but that’s just life – we need each other). The idea made Her so happy I felt good.

She’s thinking about whether or not to do – but I’m sure She will.

I’ll keep you posted.

(The picture is one of Mistress in a rather nice skirt outfit - but the face is used on Her Facebook profile and I don't want to temp fate putting it here!)