Punishment due

On Saturday we went out, and had a silly argument on the way back. I got very annoyed and rude to Mistress. I have done that a couple of times recently. I think that because of the cuckolding I feel very insecure and less able to take criticism from Her.

This time She has handled it differently, and said She will cane me for my behaviour. I think She is looking forward to giving me probably the hardest caning She has ever done.

This morning when the cleaning lady was here, I commented that if She wanted, we could go upstairs and I could eat Her arse.

“More likely give you the canes you are getting,” She said. She really wants this. My cock is hard with fear.

Viagra poll

Hey! Last day to vote in the Viagra poll. Then I shall act on advice received… Vote now if you haven’t done so already.

No arse today

Mistress did not ask me to lick Her arse this morning. I really wanted to, but I decided not to offer, but to simply be there for Her, and lick it only if She asked – but She didn’t.

This is my dilemma in life – to offer/ask or not to offer.

I think that’s why She likes to have alpha males in Her life – because they don’t hesitate. They take. And She likes that from them.

To submit and to serve

Mistress has not used the review forms or the cane for some time now – apart from some disciplinary strokes about a week ago, 'just to put me in my place'.

I find this intensely frustrating and difficult. After some time of not being told what to do, not being punished for any insubordination, I think to myself: “If I’m not serving Her and submitting to Her,” (read: being punished) “then why aren’t I allowed to fuck Her as well?”

And so we get into the discussions about why She doesn’t wan’t me to fuck Her properly.

I’ve always said to Her, the only basis for being a cuckold submissive is that She is the dominant and I the submissive.

But this time I have tried to be different: I have said to myself “This is how She has chosen to live, so support Her decision. Don’t question it. Live with it. If She chooses not to punish you, but to kiss You instead, then be glad of it. Continue to serve Her.”

So that’s what I’ve tried to do. And by and large its gone reasonably well.

But this morning in bed Mistress said “Lick my arse!” No preamble. Just that. She has never been that blunt. So I did. I licked it to the best of my ability. She clearly loved it, moaning as I did.

After, when She called ‘enough’, She told me to go and made tea. No sexual hint for me. Just go and make tea.

As I got out of bed She told me that She would cane me for not dimming the lights when She asked me to last night. “When I ask you to do something like that I don’t need your attitude,” She said, “You should just do it.” I agree.

And She told me to start to submit the review form to Her every day, so She could use it to ‘manage that sort of behaviour’ better.

As I showered later my cock got hard. She wants me to not fuck Her properly, ever again (“get that right out of your mind”), She wants me to encourage and support Her fucking other men (She picked up a one night stand about a month ago, and sucked and fucked him) and She wants me to submit and serve Her ‘without attitude’. Fucking perfect. THAT is exactly where I want to be. And not just to be, but to manifestly be. A complete wimp cuckold submissive who serves Her, submits to Her and comes second to Her in every way.

Trying to simplify our relationship

Life is good. It has its complications, and I am trying to simplify them.

A few days ago a friend came round with some viagra. I don’t need the stuff – my cock is always rock hard – but hell, a man wants to try a permanent hard on, right? So I got one from him. It’s in my draw upstairs.

But what shall I do with it?

I asked Mistress why She does not ask me to fuck Her properly (because then I could use the viagra, and fuck Her for 3 hours like David used to do) but She doesn’t want this. “You love fucking other guys so much, why not me’” I asked Her.

“You are my submissive wimp husband, and I love you for that. I don’t want you to fuck me properly now or ever. Just forget that. Put it out of your mind,” She said.

Well. That was a difficult pill to swallow – and no pun intended.

So my viagra is still in the drawer upstairs. I’m actually toying with the idea of offering it to Her to use with one of Her boyfriends. Or throwing it away. But that would be like giving up.

On the other hand I could ask Her what to do with it. I could say to Her. ‘I have this viagra tab (She knows I got it). You don’t want me to fuck You properly, so what shall I do with it, shall I throw it away?” and see what She says.

Or, I could just throw it away and not trouble Her about it.

I’d love to do the best submissive thing to do. But I’d also love to enjoy a bottle of wine together and bang Her all night with it.

What do you think? Take the poll.