Letter to Mistress

August 2008

Dear Mistress Wife

I want to share some thoughts with you. I am confused and so to try and make it easier for you to understand my thoughts I decided to write them to you in a letter.

Your way

I am writing to You to let You know how much I love You, and to try to explain my love to You and confirm my dedication to You and most of all to confirm that I want to live ‘Your Way’.

I would like to apologise for telling You my fantasy of living in complete servitude to You. I have thought about this and now realise how wrong it was for me to impose my fantasies on You in this way. This was selfish of me.

I have since realised that of course rather than begging You to dominate me, I should have begged You to lead us to live Your way – whatever way You want – without concern for any desire of mine.

I feel that I am lucky and privileged that You choose to be with me, and I should be grateful for this – I am grateful for it - and in recognition of it I should do all I can to make Your life comfortable and happy above all else.

I know – it is obvious - that any man in the world would be madly pleased to have the pleasure of your company, and that I am not deserving of such a privilege. That is why I am so keen to live Your way.

I recognise the extreme privileges You allow me. Just the pleasure of Your company, let alone the more extreme gifts such as the opportunity to see You naked, to touch You, to sleep with You, to eat Your pussy and more, and even to rub my hard cock on You. These are the greatest privileges on earth of which I am not deserving, let alone the extreme privilege that You bestow on me to even touch my cock yourself, and even permit it to enter You. Those privileges I know I do not deserve and am so lucky to be granted.

Not the man You married

I worry because the submissive I have become is not the man You chose to marry. I worry that You chose a dominant and more selfish person, aggressive in bed and demanding of You. I worry that the submissive me is not what You want.

I now see that against this background, especially with You having chosen not to cane me this Year while living “Your way”, it was so wrong and selfish of me to express my desire for Your punishment and Your domination.

If I could turn back time then I would not be a submissive, wanting to serve You. But I cannot turn back time, so all I can do is try to make the most of what I am and what we have now.
I try to make the most of what I am and have now by begging for the opportunity to keep You close to me, and by doing anything and everything to live any way that You choose in order for us to be happy together. Even offering to try to live more as an equal if that is the way You choose.

I am shocked that I have changed from the dominant person I once was, and I can see that this is not fair on You. In my defence all I can say is that I have lived with You many years, and come to recognise in You my Goddess that I wish to exalt, to serve, and to respect.

Whilst I still have every desire to bang my cock into You as hard as possible and as often as possible, I find it disrespectful to expose let alone impose my selfish and crude desires on an angel like You. I simply do not deserve such privilege, and so I humbly defer to Your guidance in all sexual matters and beg You to lead me in ways You choose.

I have changed so much and recognise the unfairness of this change on you. I also recognise that at times you may just want an uncomplicated fuck and sex with a guy who is more dominating and aggressive in bed. While I do undertake to live however You choose, I urge You to seek out Your sexual pleasure wherever You can, and by all means find a lover or lovers who will be more aggressive towards You. I certainly would not begrudge You this, and would be even happier in my service to You to know You were choosing to get Your pleasure in this way.

So why do I beg for Your punishment?

If You choose to punish me for failing to deliver Your expectations, then You reward me by making Your way clearer to me so that I can better serve it. For this I am always most grateful.
I do hate and fear the cane, but I am so very, very grateful when you bestow Your gift of it on me. I know any man would die to serve You, so for You to actually choose to take time out to punish me rather than simply ignoring me or even allowing another man to serve You is a fortunate privilege for me indeed.

Since Your way by definition must be Your way, it cannot be influenced by any of my desires. I recognise unequivocally that I do not deserve the time or energy it takes for You to punish me. Thus any decision to do so can only be Yours and Yours alone.

So I apologise for imposing my desire for punishment on You. That was wrong. Only You should make the choice as to how we live in this respect.

Why do I beg for Your discipline and humiliation?

You could have any man You want, and when You choose to humiliate or discipline me You bestow the greatest gift of Your time and energy purely on me. So I am so grateful if You do choose to discipline or humiliate me.

When we live Your way then any decision to humiliate or discipline me can only be made by You. If You choose to discipline or humiliate me then you humble me to Your desires and Your way, and I am certainly lucky to be humbled in any manner of your choosing and certainly not deserving of such privilege.

Why do I beg You to enjoy other men?

I beg You to enjoy other men because when You choose to enjoy other men then You choose to live Your way.

There can be no greater indication of living Your way than You choosing to enjoy sex with another man (or woman) without me present or involved.

When You choose to have sex with another person, and then return to give me the privilege of Your company once again, then you bestow on me more privilege than I deserve.

I know you could have any man You choose, young or old, rich or poor, to pamper You, care for You and be with You. For You to choose to spend time with me is more privilege than I deserve.
So I beg You to enjoy other men or lovers at every opportunity and in any way that you choose. In doing so You become aware of how sexy and desirable they find You and how sexy and desirable You in fact are. Only when You appreciate how sexy and desirable all men find You can You really appreciate how privileged I am to receive any attention from You, and how subservient to You I should be.

Our recent argument

How do I reconcile all this to our recent argument?

I recognise the error and stupidity of my ways. I apologise, and I beg Your forgiveness and the opportunity to serve You better.

I offer You myself to deal with Your way, whatever that may be, in order to move us forward.
In my dumb simplicity I wish that You choose to thrash me severely after every or any argument we ever have, as a pre-condition to any forgiveness that I beg.

But this takes us full circle – back to me being selfish and begging for the simplicity of punishment. That is obviously wrong – that is the whole point of this letter. I should be able to recognise the error of my ways and improve myself without the need for You to waste Your energies punishing me. And so I do offer to work to mend my ways in any way that You guide me.

I am so sorry I have complicated our lives with my slide into submission. I hope You are still happy to live with me, and I live for Your happiness.

Lots and lots of all my love