Submissive cuckold

I work from home on a PC. I use two large monitors, and enjoy a large number of porn desktop backgrounds of all sorts. I use a program called ‘Display Fusion’ to manage my desktop images, and it cycles through my huge porn collection across both desktop monitors.

Over the years I have amassed an enormous collection of only the finest looking women that now adorn my desktop. I also have a large collection of Mistress in sexy poses, taken by a professional photographer.

Years ago, before we started our FemDom relationship, I surfed porn a lot – often in front of Mistress, never hiding it from Her, and in fact sharing the best of my findings with Her. We used to buy and watch porn DVDs and videos together, and both shared a very open attitude to sex.

Now we never watch porn together. And when She’s at home, like today, I can’t bring myself to flash porn image across my screen (other than the pictures of Her which are all in very good taste).

Why? I feel it is disrespectful of Her to have big, crude images of naked women on my desktop. Why? I don’t know. I just do.

This has not stopped Her from enjoying porn with Her bulls. David in particular used to provide all sorts of really wild porn that they would watch together on DVD, and She would tell me about it in great details afterwards, sharing that She had really enjoyed it. So She enjoys it with him, why should I hide it? Because I find it disrespectful.

Mad. Submissive.

I’ve always had this ‘respectful’ attitude to women – that I now realise is actually a submissive attitude.

I treat women gently and with respect, where others dominate and fuck them like whores.

In university I enjoyed a three year relationship with the most beautiful girl on the campus. I would regularly sleep in Her room. She never even visited my room, let alone slept in it.

We would cuddle and sleep together and She never once let me fuck Her or even touch Her tits – but I was welcome to stay the night and sleep with Her for three years.

And she was no virgin. She had boyfriends, generally from outside the campus, that she would go and visit. Once I recall she took up with a guy from campus, and I saw them cuddling by the rugby pitch watching a match, her arm in his. Clearly having fucked the night before, and clearly going to fuck again that night.

I felt a pang of cuckold jealousy watching them by the pitch. I remember the day and image like it was yesterday. She saw me looking. Everyone else there assumed that I’d finished with Her after my long and lucky relationship with her. Little did they know.

I wondered at the time what she told her new beau about me. Had she told him that I’d never fucked her? All those years ago – I was about 22 at the time – I had never heard the words cuckold or submissive, but I obviously knew what they were.

I’ve since realised this is the submissive me.

Building on that fantasy, what I would love, more than anything else, would be for Her to enjoy a relationship with a dominant fucker that bangs Her and treats Her like a complete whore, but who also dominates me and encourages Her to do so. That would be nirvana.