Confused state of affairs...

The week has been busy and Mistress has still not had time, or the inclination, to punish me. I’m not complaining. I try not to wait in fear but to get on with things – though this is easier said than done!

But our relationship has become a little strained in the past couple of days.

Sunday night as I whispered my submission to Her in bed Mistress asked why I felt that way. I said I just did. (It was only thinking about it afterwards that I thought of Estragon’s various explanations – the presence of my cock and balls, and Her feminine charms is actually my favoured rationale for this strange, otherwise quite inexplicable state of affairs….)

Then on Monday morning, sat in bed having my tea wanking my cock with Mistress’ permission while I watched Her do Pilates I had a little accidental spillage. Certainly not a full orgasm, but a steady little dribble of creamy white liquid. I did not tell Mistress – I did not regard it as a proper orgasm, and did not want to incur Her wrath.

Monday night Mistress was out late and I was home at work at my desk. Mistress chose to go up to bed and instructed me to take Her tea in bed at 9.45. I got immersed in my work and completely forgot until I heard Her coming down at 10pm…

She informed me that I would get ten strokes for not bringing Her tea, on top of the 25 She had decide to give me after my good behaviour over the weekend. She asked me what I thought of that. I replied, rather abruptly, that I was sorry I had forgotten Her tea, but I was completely immersed in work that I’d rather not be doing at ten at night, and if She thought punishment was in order for me then that was of course Her prerogative.

Mistress was not happy with my reply and looked at me puzzled, commenting that I was weird, and kept sending Her mixed signals. I think She wanted me to gladly embrace the prospect of Her whacking my arse with a big, heavy cane, rather than perhaps merely accepting Her decision as it is.

There is obviously a catch 22 here – I welcome Her discipline, punishment and training, only in so far as it makes me a better slave – more like one She wants. I don’t welcome it for any other reason. It hurts and I am only human and will do all I can to avoid the pain!

Since then my cock not been properly hard – fear of pending strokes, not being happy with Mistress, and perhaps the accidental spillage, although that would not account for a soft cock three days later…

This morning my cock was not hard in bed. Being a Wednesday there was to be no cleaning lady in the house and I anticipated that if Mistress was happy I could well be for it. Plus, we were not happily bonding, so my cock stayed soft mostly.

I still offered to lick Her arse or pussy before getting out of bed and She accepted my tongue into Her arse without any hesitation.

It’s all rather confusing. I am not going to encourage Her to cane me because I think it’s a game. If She thinks I need punishment or discipline I will accept Her decision. And, provided the punishment is hard enough and the reasons for it are made clear to me, I will of course learn from the process.

But if She does not believe in Her entitlement and right to cane me, then I’m not going to invite meaningless pain down o myself for the fun of it.