Milking

This morning after I had eaten Mistress’ arse and She was out of bed, I asked Her to please just touch my cock for me a little – ‘You don’t need to make me cum’, I said, ‘But please just touch it a little for me.’

She kindly agreed, and walked over to the bed to wank me. I thanked Her profusely for doing so, and told Her how good it felt.

She wanked away and told me She would make me cum – ‘otherwise I would never be able to focus on my work, ’ She said, and wanked me harder.

This has become a recent theme. Ever since She told me to wank the morning She returned sated from David’s bed, She has decided that getting me to wank is a handy way of calming me down.

Of course I am grateful that She even pays any attention at all to my horniness and orgasms, which is more than I deserve, but when She is wanking me to milk me for a purpose other than erotic pleasure then of course the pleasure falls away a bit.

That happened this morning, and I deduced that I would not cum, and told Her so, whereupon She stopped.

That is the first time ever She has set out to make me cum and not done so. I wonder what She thinks – She’s not mentioned it since.

Heart strings

David and Mistress never talk on the phone – only by text. He has only been here to our house the once, and he is a notoriously bad communicator with Mistress.

She would like to improve on all these fronts – be free to talk on the ‘phone, come round more often, and communicate better. Generally be closer.

She tried to discuss these things with him on Friday night, but he ducked them. And when she contacted him earlier this week to suggest another meeting David texted Mistress back to say that he wants more of Her than he can have of a happily married woman, and feels that it would be sensible to end the relationship.

She replied that She wants more of him than She is getting – She wants him as part of Her life (as a happily married woman).

She suggested that since they both want more they should get together and talk about what more each can and wants to give – perhaps all will be happy.

But he appears to be deep in thought, or resolved to see less of Her. “You do things to me, and I could easily fall for you” he says.

I know exactly what he means. When She is with him she looks and dresses like a model, has the manners of a princess, parties like an IT girl, and fucks like a complete whore – of course he’s fallen in love with Her. Most men would.

I think they should talk. If he wants more than he can have then he’d be better off parting company, because if he has not fallen for Her yet, then he will soon.

Humiliation, Insecurity, Submission

When I married You I saw you as the most desirable, lovely wife I could and would have forever.

I now find you even more attractive and sexy. You are the cutest and most lovely girl in the playground. So much so that I feel You are more than a guy like me deserves – I simply can’t see how someone of your great beauty and character can be ‘held’ or satisfied by someone like me. I feel that you’ll desire someone ‘better’ or ‘more’ than me – someone who can attract and retain a sexy beast like you.

Something has changed – for whatever reason and I can’t explain it (except I note that you are more physically beautiful now than ever) I have become submissive towards You and You have become this idol for me.

That’s why I feel submissive to you. I hope that through my service and submission to you I will continue to earn and retain Your favour to me.

Originally (before David) this thinking lead me to ‘want’ you to have wild sex that You would enjoy with other guy(s). Because if You get the best and wildest sex elsewhere, then You can still come back to and love me forever, because with me You are getting all that You want or can get including all the great sex these other guy(s) give You – so I’m the winner.

The reality with David has been scary. The fact that You enjoy being with him so much has increased all my submissive fears immensely.

When You want to go on getting that wild sex then you profoundly humiliate me and feed the insecurity of my submission. (Interestingly, You also do also feed the confidence of Your domination – but that’s a by-the-way).

If you do carry on seeing David then You will be humiliating me into increased submission and insecurity towards You. I cannot watch Your obvious pleasure at his offering and NOT feel humiliated - submissive - wimpy, inadequate and insecure.

I am worried that this humiliation could be self defeating. The more You see him the more humiliated, submissive, insecure and wimpy I will become - the less of the arrogant or confident kind of guy that I fear or understand that You want or once wanted in me.

I feel like I am letting You down – I feel like I should be able to support You with him without feeding my insecurities.

But at the same time I feel that I am doing right – that the fact You choose to see him again and again, to drive me to greater humility, to treat me more dominantly, and me be more submissive towards You is correct and right in our relationship.

I want You to recognise a truth I perceive: When You choose to carry on seeing him then You also choose to humiliate me and drive me into increased submission. The issue I have is this: Do You want me more humiliated, more submissive than I already am? If you do then great. But if You don’t, then we are perpetuating a problem.

As Your submissive I am constantly learning more about how to submit to You. For example, this weekend I learned (quite rightly I believe) that You are not married to my mother, and any problems I might ever have in my relationship with Her are my problems not Yours. This is fine. Great. Wonderful. Exactly the sort of clarity that I crave in my submission to You. If You do now ever choose to humiliate me in front of her, then I will peacefully remain still while You do so, and then manage any problems with her myself afterwards.

I am genuinely ashamed and sorry that I did not adopt that view in the first place – it would have avoided all the problems that I caused this weekend.

So I guess my point is: Do you want to humiliate me into increased humility and submission? If so then seeing David will do this. But if You don’t want to humiliate and push me further, then You might want to rethink this.

Wikipedia: Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.

Apology

Dear Mistress Sweatheart

My behaviour over the weekend

I am writing to apologise for my behaviour over the weekend. I am so sorry I upset You.

I should have recognised and accepted without question that it is Your sole right to determine what time You choose to come home, and Your sole right to decide if to communicate this to me or not.

You were and are quite right that You are not married to my mother, and that it is my problem how I deal with her, and that You are free to come and go in Your house as only You please.

I am so sorry I interrupted Your enjoyment and caused us both upset.

I do hope that You choose to punish me most severely for each and every one of these infractions. I promise to work much harder in future to ensure that Your happiness and pleasure are my only motivators in all that I think and do.

In particular, I will also make sure that I do not make the mistake of adopting a parental worrying role about You again, and will simply trust and support Your judgement, actions and choices.

I do hope that I did not embarrass You too much with David, and I beg You to please arrange or ask to go and see him as soon as possible to make up for my indiscretion.
I love You more than ever.

Yours sincerely

Secret Liaison?

Mistress and Her office team are going out for a bonding session this afternoon. The plan is that after the event the party animals amongst them will go out and party into the wee hours.

Of course it is at an event just like this that She met David, who was introduced to Her by a bunch of guys in the office that he knew.

We have, you can guess, discussed the idea that She might hook up with David tonight, after the main event. So for days She has been excited, looking forward to the event, deciding what to wear and so on.

Yesterday morning when I offered to eat Her pussy or arse, for the first time ever She asked me to screw Her instead, which I gladly did. And then last night She was in a very naughty mood in bed, with an unusually wet pussy and a delightfully filthy mind.

She told me to screw Her and while I did so, without any prompting from me, She told me that She might be meeting up with David – She might have arranged ‘something’ – with him or with someone else, and ‘may’ be ‘doing something’ after the event tonight. She told me that she did not have to tell me, because it was up to Her what She did.

Before I could ask if She wanted me to cum in Her She told me to cum deep inside Her. Needless to say we had a great fuck.

This morning too She has been in such a frisky mood. I’m sure She’s got something in mind. She’s having so much fun! She is so much fun.

Panty choice

I was watching Mistress getting dressed this morning, in an outfit that would double up for her morning in the office, Her afternoon out, and Her night on the town.

She chose and pulled on a very nondescript thong. A tiny garment to be sure, but not one of Her prettiest. Then She thought about it, took the garment off, and pulled on a much sexier pair, with pretty flowers on them. Clearly She had just thought that She might want something sexier on if someone else was going to be removing them before the day was out…

The black pair to the left is the pair She rejected. I can’t show you the others because She’s out with them now – they’ve just left for their event day, so She’s probably still got them on – but for how long? So the white pair to the right is just a sexier pair I substituted into the picture.

Her reaction

Mistress obviously liked the letter.

I was surprised - I did not expect it to have such a positive impact.

She said it was very submissive.

I guess (sadly) that it is true, and She can see and so accepts the truth of it.

I am glad it helped me, and apparently Her, to clarrify things. But I'd be lieing if I did not say that my heart is heavy when I think of what I have lost - thrown away over the years, but lost.

My loss, David's gain. And Her pleasure. And that is the point - Her pleasure.

David's Letter

I was very shy of handing Mistress my letter to David, so I chickened out and let her know with this text.

Letter to David

inherservice was kind enough to suggest that I write a letter to David, thanking him for taking care of business.

I have done this, and I did gain some catharsis from wording my gratitude, so I thank you, inherservice.

The letter I wrote, which I printed, signed and handed to Mistress, reads as follows.

Dear David

Thank you for helping with my Wife

I am writing to thank you for helping with my Wife’s sexual needs and pleasures.

For some years now I have recognised that I do not provide all that She desires in this area. For those years I have urged Her to take a lover that can give Her all She needs.

Until She met you, this did not happen, and Her sexual pleasures were limited by my abilities.

But all this changed when She met you, and I know that when She meets up with you She gets the sexual thrill, kicks and pleasure that I am no longer able to give Her, and I thank you for this.

I hope that the two of you are able to and do enjoy many more sexy and pleasurable experiences together.

If at any time there is anything at all – anything - that I can do to help make your pleasures with Her more enjoyable for both of you, then please do not hesitate to let me know.

Yours sincerely

Great weekend

Saturday night Mistress expressed a desire to go out, so we got my mum in to babysit for us and went out to the pub.

I was very attentive and supportive of Her in every way I could be.

We talked a lot about David, although I kept offering to stop talking about him if She didn’t want me to, but She told me to go ahead – so I did.

She told me that like Redtail said in his comment on my blog (Now You see him, now You don’t – 1 May 2009) I am more emotionally involved than She. She just sees David as a great shag, no love, no emotion, and She says She does not think of him as much as me – hardly at all, She says.

She said that if She could have anything She wanted, it would be for me to accept David without all the emotional negatives, to just enjoy Her relationship with him as I did at the outset.

At one stage I nearly understood what She meant. I felt that I was about to accept that Her only love was me.

However, while we were out She did also say that She wanted to text him to see if he was out, in the hope that if he was, they might meet up and have great sex.

The only reason She did not do this, She said, was because She was worried that I could not handle the emotional trauma of Her leaving the house to go out with me, and then leaving me there to go off with him.

So although She was dolled up and out with me, and apparently enjoying it, actually Her first preference was to be out with him, ending up in his bed.

I persuaded Her that She should not let me interfere in Her pleasure, and She accepted this and texted him. But he did not reply and so the issue did not arise.

We ended up having a great night out together, drinking and dancing and chatting. It was close and wonderful. The whole weekend was close and wonderful. Really great.

But for all the love and kindness She showed me, I cannot of course forget that Her preference on Saturday would have been to hook up with and shag him.

As She said to me on Saturday, She can (and does) have me any time and all the time, so some time and sex with him provides a great and exciting interlude: but it is “just that”: An interlude on Her main time with me. I can see this. It makes sense.

Maybe one day I will accept it without pain, but I don’t think so.

On Sunday night we had great sex in bed – the best we have had for a long time (although I’d say it is always good! Sunday was great). And this morning Mistress allowed me to lick Her arse well before I got up to make Her tea, and I did my very best to please Her.