Comfortable Stand Off

Things are in a comfortable stand off at the moment, and have been so through the Christmas and New Year period.

I spoke to Mistress about my view – that I was not comfortable living the cuckold lifestyle outside of a FemDom relationship. She responded that She felt we were living a FemDom relationship, in a FemDom style of Her choosing.

I accepted that I was living in a submissive relationship to Her, but not in a FemDom relationship – and on questioning defined a FemDom relationship as having the following 4 elements, all of which have once been present in our relationship, but none of which are currently present in our relationship having all been removed at Her instigation:-

1) Rules that the submissive must live by.

2) Punishment for breaking the rules.

3) Discipline to affirm the submissive relationship, and

4) A clear hierarchy of Dominant and submissive.

I explained that I was very happy that She had chosen to lead our lifestyle away from those elements, and that I was not complaining about that nor asking for them back, but I was just uncomfortable with Her removing all those elements, and only retaining the cuckolding element, with which it was all gain for Her, with nothing in it for me.

We discussed this and She accepted it all.

But after a day or too She brooded over it and became upset with it – arguing I’d moved the goalposts on our 15 year relationship, throughout which I’d encouraged Her to go with other guys which I was now going back on just as She was getting comfortable with it and enjoying it for the first time.

We debated this – pleasantly and rather vociferously at times.

She concluded that Her preferred lifestyle was a proper cuckold FemDom relationship with all 4 elements that She would re-introduce.

As you can imagine, I’m obviously thinking that the only reason She wants to do that is to ‘buy’ Her freedom to cuckold….. So it’s a tricky balance.

Anyway, She’s worked this out, and so far has not made any moves wither way. We’re getting on fine without clarifying things further for now, so we’ll settle someplace some day soon, for a while…

This weekend I woke up with a hard on and starting gently wanking as I cuddled Her. I whispered to Her that I would like to cum, and asked if She was happy for me to cum. She turned and cupped my balls in Her hand, saying I could cum if I wanted to.

I wanked gently.

I said to Her that I’d actually prefer to cum under Her hand, or in Her mouth, or over Her tits, but only if She wanted me to – and I’d be happy to just wank otherwise. But, I explained, the ‘just wanking’ was very humiliating to me.
She chose the humiliating route, and told me to go ahead and wank – so I did.

Next day (yesterday) as we got into bed, She told me to go down on Her, which I did, eating Her to orgasm.

So She gets to enjoy oral sex whenever She wants, including me eating Her arse, and I get the humiliation of wanking myself….

After She came She invited me to screw Her which I did – I gently spooned into Her from behind and had a great fuck. But the whole experience was very humiliating.

But I think we’re both happy in this uneasy truce.

I have resolved to do my utmost to just be happy, enjoy life, and support whatever decision She makes in a genuinely happy way- provided I can actually do that.