Guilty?

At midday yesterday Mistress chatted to me briefly. We use WhatsApp to chat on our iPhones – it’s free to message, and works cross platform.


“Hello you. How’s it going? Xx”

“Dave is wanking. What are you up to?”

I replied, “xx. Nothing that pleasant… I always keep what I have for you :).”

“Good boy,” She said. “That’s the way I love it.”

The conversation ended.

I wondered at it – why did She text me just to tell me Dave was wanking? She doesn’t usually do that. I figured She was feeling a little guilty about it.
 

When She got in that evening I was presented with this box of chocolates. As fine a box as I have ever seen. I like chocolates, but I don’t usually get given a box this fine. Definitely feeling guilty, I figured.


This morning in bed She reached across for my cock and wanked it a bit. AS She did, She explained the reasons why She never sucks my cock because She feels:-

• It is a dominant thing to do.

• When She used to do it, I didn’t like it.

• It makes me horny when She doesn’t suck my cock and She sucks someone else’s. And She likes it when I’m horny.

However, She said, I get ‘all depressed and funny about it’ and then She feels She should suck it for me – because She doesn’t want be depressed and funny.

I asked what She meant by ‘depressed and funny’, and She said like when I ask Her to suck it and try to push Her head down onto my cock – why do I do that?

I tried explaining it to Her. I want Her to do what She wants. If She doesn’t want to suck my cock, then don’t. If She does want to, then do. All I care is that She does only what She wants.

“But then why act funny?” She asked.

What do I feel?

I’d like one of two things:

1) A FemDom cuckold relationship, where She does not want to suck my cock because it is a submissive cock which She will not suck under any circumstances. Instead, She gets to suck the cocks of alpha males who are not submissive to Her. Or

2) A ‘normal’ (!) ‘open’ relationship where She sucks other cocks if She wants, but sucks mine too. When She wants to. If She ever wants to.

To me the key question is this: Does She or does She not want to suck my cock? If She wants to, then great. I cannot think of anyone I’d rather do that to me, and I will feel privileged to be sucked. But if She does not want to, then I want Her to state unequivocally that She does not want to and so will not. What I don’t like is the grey middle ground; ‘I’d be happy to suck your cock if you want me to, but I won’t suck it anyway.

If She WANTS to suck my cock, then She can just suck it. She WANTS to suck Dave’s cock and Torremolinos’ cock so She does. Does She want to suck mine or not?

It’s not an easy question.