What's an angry sub to do?

Last night Mistress and I were working on plans for a garden party we are hosting at home next week. We’re expecting around 50 people so there’s a fair bit of thought needed to go into what we are going to do, how and when.

I was failing to understand quite a number of things She was saying. I hesitate to blame Her for being obscure – I am sure it is my fault for not getting my head round what She said quickly enough. But the conversation deteriorated and we ended up having a bit of an argument and blow up, with Her going off to bed leaving me up watching the telly.

At all times I did my best to be polite and not disrespectful. To remain as respectful as possible while differing with Her.

I was under the influence of a local anaesthetic from my dentist, and Mistress suggested that this might have been making me feel sorry for myself and argumentative. I don’t know. Could be.

We do not have many arguments like this. On those rare occasions that we have, they have always ended up with me being punished, and I fear that this difference yesterday has probably erased any chance I had of forgiveness for the 80 strokes I am currently due, and has probably earned me another 20 or so. Oh my god! 100+.

This morning Mistress has taken the kids across the road for a mums and kids swim party. They are literally across the road, and it occurred to me that She could easily choose to pop back home at any time through the day to give me the 80 I am due plus any others She may add for my behaviour last night.

So you can imagine my terror ten minutes ago when the door opened and Mistress walked into the house! My chickens were finally home to roost! But She had only come to pick up some margarine. (I am surprised She did not text and instruct me to bring it to Her). So She has picked up Her margarine and gone back across the road, leaving me in the house on my own.

The terror and fear I feel at this close call has made my cock hard. In accordance with standing instructions I have texted Mistress to advise Her of this:-

Hello Mistress. Your cock is big and hard with fear/relief, as Your slave thought You had come home to give Your slave the 80 Your slave is currently due plus any more You may have decided to award for bad behaviour last night. Your slave is terrified of You Mistress (which is obviously right) but still loves You dearly. xx

Of course I did not have to tell Mistress of this hard on, but that would be dishonest…

So what is an angry or frustrated submissive or slave to do? Since I am nothing or nobody, and Mistress is everything and everybody in our relationship, my moods are irrelevant and my anger wrong and deserving of punishment.

In ‘The Seventh Scroll’, the Wilbur Smith novel that’s in my favourites list, the slave Taita is often upset, disappointed or annoyed by his master. But his master is the pharaoh of all Egypt, and Taita a Eunuch slave. He cannot show anger, annoyance or disappointment, for to do so risks punishment or death itself.

I am lucky, my Mistress will not kill me! But She is free to punish me as She sees fit for any reason She sees as appropriate – or no reason at all….That this is right is obvious to me, and therefore I cannot harbour resentment or anger towards Her, because to do so is wrong.

I am sure, to my detriment, that I will be punished for it.