Confusion

When You came back from Your date and told me he had cum in Your mouth I was jealous. He always gets to cum in Your mouth, and You never even put my cock in Your mouth.

As Your submissive I do not expect to be allowed to put my cock in Your mouth – in fact, as You know, I think I should be punished for even thinking such a dominant thought.

But I don’t actually know what You think about the matter. Why don’t You want to put my cock in Your mouth, when You can’t get enough of his – every time You meet.

Perhaps You do want to put my cock in Your mouth – in which case – if there is any chance of that – then please do so, because I would love it.

But You never talk to me about it – You never tell me why You suck his cock so much and never suck mine, so I don’t know. Because I don’t know, I think maybe You do want to suck my cock, but You just don’t do it because You think I want to live as your submissive.

But that’s not the case. If You want to such my cock then I want You to.

If You told me in a loving, dominant, humiliating way that You loved sucking his cock, and that You would never suck mine, then I would know where I stand. But You don’t do this.

If You told me that You loved humiliating me and dominating me by sucking his cock and then telling me all about it, then I would know where I stand, but You don’t do this.

You do sometimes say that You don’t want to suck my cock, but You never say why, and You don’t say it very often, and so I feel confused.

We always agreed that You would find other men to give You the alpha male sex that I no longer provided – but I get the feeling that You are in denial over that – and You don’t want to remind me that I am not a proper alpha male.

You do say that You love having me as Your submissive, but You don’t say it very often – You don’t remind me that I am Your submissive – and so I get confused.

You do say You like having me as a submissive, and You like humiliating me, but You very rarely dominate me or humiliate me (directly – you do it indirectly – eg by telling me he came in Your mouth – but you very rarely do it directly) and so I wonder whether You really feel this way, or whether our FemDom relationship is a convenience that You humour to make me/us happy.

I don’t feel that you pursue the FemDom relationship.

That’s why I suggested the review form – to give us both an opportunity to constantly or regularly remind ourselves of our FemDom relationship.

You said You liked the idea, and told me to draw up the form, and I did so. But You did not make any suggestions of what You want to see on the form – all the ideas on it are mine, so I am still left very confused about what You actually want.

You do want some things – for example, You wanted me to go down and check for Your tights the other day – so You can’t say You don’t want anything – You do want things of me – but You won’t say what they are, so I get confused.

If you would only say ‘You should have gone down to get my tights and You didn’t so I am going to punish you for it’, and then actually punish me for it, then we’d both know exactly where we stand.

It’s not that I want You to punish me – not at all – but I want You to dominate me 100% make me submit to Your will so that we are both clear where we stand.

Kissing in the pub

When I see couples kissing in the pub (and I have seen a few recently – not just the couple yesterday) I see them ravishing each other, and I imagine You doing that with Dave, and I get jealous.

When I talked to You about it, You tried to circumvent it. I believe this is because You are embarrassed about it and reluctant to admit (to yourself as much as me) how much You enjoy ravishing him in that way.

So when I see You in denial in this way, I get confused. Why are You in denial? If You think it is wrong to ravish him and not me, then why do You do it?

If You said to me ‘I love ravishing him like that, it makes my cunt wet just thinking about it’, then I would know where I stand, but You don’t do this – instead You deny it by tryign to talk round it.

If You said You don’t do that with me because I am Your submissive, not Your man, then I would be clear.

Leading on our relationship

I don’t want to be the one making suggestions about our FemDom relationship – I don’t see how that can work. Our relationship should be defined by You, not by me.

That’s why I chose not to have this conversation with You – because if You want to suck his cock and not mine, then that’s Your choice. If You want to kiss and cuddle him in the pub and not me, then that’s Your choice too. If you don’t want to dominate and humiliate me, then that is certainly Your choice too.

Leaving me out

But when You make all those choices – choosing to kiss him and not me, to suck him and not me, and to not dominate or humiliate me, as You have done, where does that leave me?

It leaves me as the one that is not kissed, not given blow jobs, not dominated, not humiliated. Apparently loved – because I believe You love me – but how and in what capacity, I don’t know or understand.

Licking Your arse

If I didn’t have a sore lip, then I could offer to lick Your arse every morning – at least when You allow me to do that I do that I feel that You are dominating me – even if only by allowing me to humiliate myself. But as You know, for a few days I have not even been able to do that.

If You don’t want to dominate me then I wish You’d just say so, so that we could be clear. I’d be happy to put all the FemDom stuff behind us and live a normal life if that’s what You want. I’d love to cuddle and kiss You in the pub and cum in Your mouth. But how do I know what You want?

It always seems to be me ‘demanding’ FemDom of You, and I’m not comfortable with that.

BBM and information access

When I told You about my fantasy of not being allowed access to Your BBM, and not being allowed to ask about Your dates, it was not that I don’t like these things.

I love the humiliation and excitement of hearing about Your dates and reading Your BBM. So it’s not that that excited me – it’s the thought of You choosing to do that to me – choosing to dominate me by choosing to shut me out in that way.

I don’t know how we resolve this. I genuinely don’t think You want the FemDom relationship I do – that’s why when things get this way I say: Let’s end the FemDom and th cuckolding and just live a normal life together – at least then I will have You – and that’s what I want more than anything, I won’t be jealous and I won’t be confused.