Rene and m have commented regarding my cuckold angst, and I’d like to explore that a little more.
Being a submissive cuckold is painful. No doubt about that. But it is also extremely exciting. I think its like a drug – it’s addictive, and its got highs and its got lows.
I would not encourage anyone to get into it – because I don’t think everyone and every relationship can stand the pain.
Here’s a small example of where we were recently.
On the Monday before Mistress was due to go on Her date, I was a little tense and we had a bit of an argument. Sadly this happens when the cuckold angst takes hold of me.
We made up before sleeping. The next day we exchanged these messages:-
Mistress:
Hi sweets . I am really, really sorry for when I appear to being horrible. I do not mean to at all. I love you very much and you mean the world to me. XXX. Like I always remind you, it's you and only you I love. Xx
Me:
Thank You for letting me fuck You yesterday. I love You too. XXX
Mistress:
I love you fucking me. I love knowing you are hot for me xx
Me:
I am thinking about You so much today. I am so sad I cannot be the perfect sub to You and keep throwing up issues. I just want to cuck fuck You (or lick Your arse since my cock is not hard) all day for the rest of my life until the problem goes away. XX
Mistress:
I'm not sure that will make the problem go away. Sorry it makes you sad. Making you sad was never the idea. What am I doing? I must really be a horrible person to make you soooo sad just so that can have fun. I just wish you were having fun too. I've been thinking about it too and the reality is that it makes you very very sad and unhappy. Xx And I need to sort it out as it is very unfair and cruel of me to do what I am doing to you.
Me:
Interesting. So how are You anticipating "sorting it out"? Xx
Mistress:
I don't know. The obvious thing is to stop seeing him. Xx
Me:
Yeah right! I can see that happening this afternoon! Xx
Mistress:
Is that what you would want me to do? Xx
Me:
It probably wouldn't be my first choice course of action, but if You chose to do it I wouldn't try to stop You.
Mistress:
Wouldn't be my first choice either xx
After this exchange I thought and thought. What do I really want? And it was then that I wrote my story (published in the ‘Commuter Train’ post below).
I didn’t dare write it as a message to Her – so I wrote it as a story – which I later shared with Her, and She enjoyed reading, and has already started to apply – for example by making me wank myself when She got back from sucking Dave’s cock on Her date.
She is the Perfect Wife. She does these things for me. She accepted my submission at my request. She found another boyfriend, an alpha male to satisfy Her at my request after I stopped satisifying Her...
This journey is difficult. But we take it together, and we both want to take it together. Sp today I sent Her this message:
When I struggle with stuff and I query what You do, You say that You are a lousy Mistress and not good enough at domming me. In fact the opposite is of course the case - it is I that is a lousy sub - I should not be questioning anything You do, I should happily support any decision You make. Since it takes two to tango, and we must succeed together, what we should say is this: how do You (Mistress) want me to be in any one respect, and what can we both do to ensure I know my place and happily accept it? If You have failed in any way at all then that failure can only be in communicating what You expect of me, and getting me to happily accept it. Nothing else You do can be wrong, because You decide everything. Xx
5 comments:
Well, makes things a bit more clear to me ... but just a bit. I'm afraid I can't follow you very well, because for me there are some unfamiliar things going on in your relationship ... things, which I simply can't image to work well (well, at least not for me).
The first thing is that I see that your mistress is struggling too, what she's doing and what the effects of her actions might be ... Seeing this I'm not sure, if it is a good idea to tell her, that "Nothing else You do can be wrong, because You decide everything" ... Don't you think that telling her such things could put really big pressure on her? From the short conversion you quoted, I got the impression that also your mistress is by no means really so strong and self-confident; she's questioning her behaviour, asking you what to do etc. Now you'r telling her, that whatever she'll do, will be fine to you too ... Or in your words "I should not be questioning anything You do, I should happily support any decision You make". If I were her (and so unsure about my actions like she seems to be), I'd feel much more the burden of being the decision-maker. Well, I know nearly nothing about the two of you, so my thoughts maybe completely beside the point.
The other thing is that it seems to me that you are forcing yourself into a certain way of thinking ... that - in short - it is impossible that your mistress may make a mistake or cause even the slightest problem, but that, if something is going wrong or not feeling well, it is YOUR fault. You said very well that it takes two to tango, but on the other hand, you seem to exclude yourself from the action going on or at least from any decision about the direction the "tango" may take. And if there is something going on, that doesn't feel good to you and even lets you suffer, than you try to convince yourself that this must be your own fault; claming that it is a priori impossible that SHE could do something wrong at all. Well, even if it was you, who initiated all the changes in your relationship, I can't follow this "she is always right, and if something is going wrong, it's my own fault" way of thinking - especially when I read, how full of doubts your mistress seems to be herself.
Well, as said in my last post already: If this - in the end - is all fine to you and your mistress, than anything is ok and I'm the last one who would not be happy together with the two of you.
rené
Hi rene. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm not surprised you find it confusing. As you can see from my comments, we do too! What we are doing is unusual. We've never done it before and we're not sure where it's going. But it's a journey we're both enjoying and we both want to take...
Well, then everything seems to be fine. Good luck on your journey.
I suppose what makes your relationship so very different is how much it consumes both of your lives.I think people dabble with their sexuality,experiment,engage in sub/dom dynamics and perhaps cuckoldry for the very brave.You are doing much than dabble as it seems to be a constant in your life.Certainly since David came along.
I think all of these dabbles are demanding on relationships and also demanding emotionally and physically.They can be hard work and you alluded to exhaustion the other day.
The constant excitement and arousal will take its toll for you both after a while.It may be at the cost of normal family or work issues.Then perhaps she will take a step back and maybe evaluate its value to her once the novelty wears off.
With something as extreme as cuckoldry,it must be doubly draining because emotions are tested to the full and at times the strain on you is telling.The drug has kept you going as you say and you have had a lot of it very quickly. The inevitable downers may increase as you go forward.
You both had a rain check the other day and decided to continue.
For how long,is for you both to decide.
Hello, great blog, I did read your story some years ago and just found you here on blogger.
Since being out of touch I was not up on the story and I see your Mistress has a bf, an interesting situation. I'll go back through the blog and get the details of how He came about but if it progresses I see that you will soon be the sub of Mistress and Him also. Thanks for posting here, hope to read more.
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