Mistress just called. They had a pleasant coffee. They talked about when they might next meet. There is an office drinks do Friday next week – they could split away from that and ‘they could end up anywhere’ (His words – meaning in a hotel!) Then they have an office do a couple of weeks later (‘not sure I can cope with that because I won’t be able to keep my hands off you…’)
So to make it easy they’ve arranged lunch this Friday and then they’ll take it from there. I said to Her, it scary how intimate this whole thing is becoming…
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Together
They are together right now. Sitting next to each other. Looking at each other, smiling. Eyeing up Her legs. Looking at his chin. Thinking of kissing, touching, of fucking. Sharing their weekend and their day. Soon, at this time, then will adjourn to fuck instead. And I’ll be sat here thinking about it.
Intimacy
What is intimacy? For four days we walked round Rome, literally, hand in hand, sat next to each other chatting laughing and kissing, and fucked all night. As Mistress says, I’m the lucky one – the one She’s with (And wants to be with) all the time.While we are there She gets a BBM message from Dave – “Just been to see Stevie Wonder at Glastonbury. Can’t wait to see you and tell you all about it”.
“Rome is wonderful”, She says to him, “I can’t wait to tell you all about it.”
I said to Her I don’t mind if all they do is fuck, but the guys is getting too intimate with Her – why does he want to tell Her all about his week end, and hear all about Hers?
Her response: If two people are going to get together, not just to fuck, but to fuck often and for a long time, as they are planning to do, as boyfriend and girlfriend, then there has to be an attraction there, and in their case there is that attraction.
Another snippet I learned while in Rome – apparently the two of them have talked about when they were first attracted to each other. In Her case it was the very first time She saw him in the office and he gave Her an ‘I’m going to fuck you’ look. In his case it was a few months later at an office party when he decided to give it a go.
So they both know what the other does to the other.
Way too intimate. They have both agreed they want to fuck, not just a few times, but (to quote him) for a long, long time to come.
As She keeps reminding me – that’s what I always wanted for Her – a real boyfriend She could fuck well and often – to regularly give Her the alpha male sex I stopped providing some years ago.
That might be what I always wanted, but She's just called to tell me She is walking across to meet him for coffee (they walk across seperately so they are not seen leaving together - then they kiss in the coffee shop!). As the two of them leave for coffee now to catch up on each other’s weekends, I say talk was cheap. I didn’t know what I was talking about!
First day back...
This morning Mistress expressed doubt that Dave would want to continue their affair! That’s women for you! Why? Anyway, She got the idea into Her head. I assured Her this was not the case, and offered to take a bet on it – She agreed, and if he contacts her via BBM or IM in the office today, then I get to cum in Her pussy once for free – I don’t have to pay for it with strokes of the cane (see my earlier post on this).
So this morning Mistress starts to text me – conversation below. She has NEVER sent me this many texts in a morning – the only reason She’s done it is because She was worried about Her relationship with him. How does that make me feel! And why do I encourage Her?
Mistress (10:23):
Looks like you will not be winning your bet. I've been here half an hour and not a peep on IM or crackberry! I might just win this one! xx
Me (10:25):
hmmm. very strange. I sat just a matter of time. unless u break the ice... xx
Mistress (10:27):
It is v. strange. Mmmm I prob could break the ice if I hear nothing in 30mins. He's on the phone right now xx
Me (10:29):
actually, I've thought about it. I am never wrong about these things. he wants to and/or will make contact even if you don't break the ice.
Mistress (10:33):
Why do u think so? He's usually quick. So what's going on in his head? Xx
Me (10:36):
1) He MIGHT actually be busy & waiting for a quiet minute before making contact.
2) He MIGHT be a little scared coz u made contact from Rome & so wants to proceed with caution. I think option 1. xx
Mistress (10:57):
I think 2 myself. Altho, he txted me on my mobile (while we were in Rome) which in my opinion was a tad risky! xx
Me (11:00):
that's one of the reasons I think 1. plus he said he's looking fwd to sharing his stories. if u r worried then break the ice. x
Me (11:01):
if its option (2) then he is fearing that he texted u just as much as u textsd him so no need to fear.
Mistress (11:02):
I guess, he's just walked away from his desk with his crackberry and mine has just beeped whilst typing this xx
Me (11:03):
as expected then.... x
Mistress (11:03):
He's just broken the ice and has said good morning and I've said morning! How r u? See what he says xx
Me (11:05):
:)
Mistress (11:08):
He reckons he is snowed with work xx
Me (11:09):
well you know me - I never say I told u so! good. xx
Me (11:17):
if/when u smile nicely at him and tell him u hated not hearing from him, he will feel really good. X
Mistress (11:28):
As we are both very busy we've arranged a 3pm coffee for a catch up xx
Me (11:29):
That makes sense! Not! But I'm sure you'll enjoy! xx
Mistress (11:30):
I 'll be leaving, we can chat then and not bbm now and instead concentrate. Same way no more txting for you & I. Back to work xx
Me (11:31):
Xx
So that’s it – I’ve served my purpose and must now go back to focussing on my work!
So this morning Mistress starts to text me – conversation below. She has NEVER sent me this many texts in a morning – the only reason She’s done it is because She was worried about Her relationship with him. How does that make me feel! And why do I encourage Her?
Mistress (10:23):
Looks like you will not be winning your bet. I've been here half an hour and not a peep on IM or crackberry! I might just win this one! xx
Me (10:25):
hmmm. very strange. I sat just a matter of time. unless u break the ice... xx
Mistress (10:27):
It is v. strange. Mmmm I prob could break the ice if I hear nothing in 30mins. He's on the phone right now xx
Me (10:29):
actually, I've thought about it. I am never wrong about these things. he wants to and/or will make contact even if you don't break the ice.
Mistress (10:33):
Why do u think so? He's usually quick. So what's going on in his head? Xx
Me (10:36):
1) He MIGHT actually be busy & waiting for a quiet minute before making contact.
2) He MIGHT be a little scared coz u made contact from Rome & so wants to proceed with caution. I think option 1. xx
Mistress (10:57):
I think 2 myself. Altho, he txted me on my mobile (while we were in Rome) which in my opinion was a tad risky! xx
Me (11:00):
that's one of the reasons I think 1. plus he said he's looking fwd to sharing his stories. if u r worried then break the ice. x
Me (11:01):
if its option (2) then he is fearing that he texted u just as much as u textsd him so no need to fear.
Mistress (11:02):
I guess, he's just walked away from his desk with his crackberry and mine has just beeped whilst typing this xx
Me (11:03):
as expected then.... x
Mistress (11:03):
He's just broken the ice and has said good morning and I've said morning! How r u? See what he says xx
Me (11:05):
:)
Mistress (11:08):
He reckons he is snowed with work xx
Me (11:09):
well you know me - I never say I told u so! good. xx
Me (11:17):
if/when u smile nicely at him and tell him u hated not hearing from him, he will feel really good. X
Mistress (11:28):
As we are both very busy we've arranged a 3pm coffee for a catch up xx
Me (11:29):
That makes sense! Not! But I'm sure you'll enjoy! xx
Mistress (11:30):
I 'll be leaving, we can chat then and not bbm now and instead concentrate. Same way no more txting for you & I. Back to work xx
Me (11:31):
Xx
So that’s it – I’ve served my purpose and must now go back to focussing on my work!
When in Rome...
As I mentioned in my comment yesterday, we just got back from a great weekend in Rome. Fantastic. We highly recommend it, even though it is the most expensive place we’ve ever visited, it was great.We toured the sites, dined al fresco twice a day, drank far too much, and fucked like rabbits – at least twice and often 3 times a day!
Having time to ourselves (we left the kids with my mum) we were really able to explore Mistress’ relationship and what it meant to both of us – we talked about it lots, happily. This made us horny as hell, and we just did it!
Mistress bought a little vibrator She liked in a sex shop there, and on that day She came like 4 times! Exhausting.
She and Dave were in touch all through the weekend, exchanging a few messages through the day, though I think She’d have liked to be in touch more.Due to all the fucking we did, this morning Mistress announced a new rule. Whenever I cum in Her I am to make a note of it. When She next canes me I am to roll a dice for each time I came in Her, and She will give me that many additional strokes of the cane.
She says that this way I won’t make the mistake of taking Her pussy for granted. I certainly won’t.
With 7 days in a week and an average number rolled of 3 this makes 21 strokes for cumming in Her once a day, plus 15 strokes for discipline – that’s a minimum of 36 in all! Needless to say I did not try to put it in Her this morning.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
London II
Well, they are in London together again. They got an early train up this morning.They are going to work until early afternoon, and then go to the pub this afternoon (well, that’s the plan). She’s not said what time She’ll be back – because it could be literally any time – depends what he throws at Her.
She told me She things he wants to fuck Her as soon as possible.
Apparently they didn’t ride up in the train together as the carriages were full – so they say apart and exchanged BB messages all the way. I wonder if he’s going to try and get Her into a hotel room this afternoon. He knows She’s up for it….
I wonder if he hinted at that in his messages earlier today…
This could be the day. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it if he turns out to be a ‘dirty fuck’ like She hopes he will…
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Coffee report
They went for coffee and discussed every day things – the latest political scandal, kids access to the internet, and other such trivia that a wife really shouldn’t be going off to meet another man to discuss. Quite discomforting really.
Of course they also discussed tomorrow’s day out… They will be in the pub from 3pm to 7pm. Last time they did that (a whole week ago!) he ended up with his fingers down Her pussy and their tongues down each other’s throats… And She’s insisted She’s wearing a dress again, not trousers. She ALWAYS wears trousers – the only reason for a skirt is so he can get easy access…
Of course they also discussed tomorrow’s day out… They will be in the pub from 3pm to 7pm. Last time they did that (a whole week ago!) he ended up with his fingers down Her pussy and their tongues down each other’s throats… And She’s insisted She’s wearing a dress again, not trousers. She ALWAYS wears trousers – the only reason for a skirt is so he can get easy access…
Fucking dates
They are just about to leave the office on another coffee date. She's started dressing for him every day now - She always dresses well, but now She's only choosing gear that is sexy.
Last night as we fucked She first told me She's not sure if She'll ever fuck him, then She said She's dying to fuck him, and after She has, She wants to be fucking him very often, because She thinks he's going to be 'a really dirty fuck'. Which clearly I am not.
Tomorrow they are both going to London. First to do some work, but more so that they can go to the pub together for the evening, smooch, canoodle and grope each other!
Last night as we fucked She first told me She's not sure if She'll ever fuck him, then She said She's dying to fuck him, and after She has, She wants to be fucking him very often, because She thinks he's going to be 'a really dirty fuck'. Which clearly I am not.
Tomorrow they are both going to London. First to do some work, but more so that they can go to the pub together for the evening, smooch, canoodle and grope each other!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Drinks
Mistress (12:24):
Wanna meet for a drink at 1? Xx can pick me up
Me (12:25):
:) I ALWAYS wanna meet you - I'll call u when I get there. :) xx
Mistress (12:25):
Ok xx
Me (12:51):
leaving now...x
Mistress (12:51):
Ok, c u shortly xx
Me (15:02):
I hate you you mad bitch! I hope you go to the pub with Dave and others to watch the game so you have to keep your hands off him. Serve you right! Meeting me and him on the same day, you greedy woman! xx See you soon. Love you. Me xx
Mistress (15:05):
No actually not going, so there! He isn't either client coming here instead. Love you xx
Me (15:10):
good! x
Back and Forth...
Mistress (11:59):Hey, u ok with I email I sent you? Maybe I am making it up but I detected a little upset when on the phone to you earlier? Xxx
Me (12:08):
You know me too well... :) I was still basking in your 'handsome' text, then got back to my desk to the shock of your new date, which knocked me for six. Then we spoke b4 I could recover... Even though we talk & I am happy, my jealousy kicks in & really wishes I could be all u want. But I'm dealing with it. I'm hurting but OK. xx
Mistress (12:12):
I'm sorry, it makes me feel like the worst person in the world! I must be to keep hurting you like this. I really don't know what to do here..... you are hurting too much and it's not right. It appears it doesn't matter how much we talk about it. Let's face the fact you can't hack it and live with the aftermath of ending this thing, whatever it brings . I refuse to be responsible for making you soooo unhappy coz I love you too much! Xx
Me (12:17):
Thanks Babes. I'm hurting, but I'm not exactly 'unhappy' because we have our love together. I'm happy to stick with it. But if you realy, really want to end it then I won't stop you, or cry, or hurt when you do! It's not bad that you think about ending it, but just think about ending it for now. No need to end it yet. We can stick with it. Love you. xx
Feathering the nest?
10:56am this morning I get this text from Mistress:-Hey sexy, was looking at you this morning and the gym's working, you are looking good - I like a lot! You are my sexy , gorgeous man and I love you and I love our sex life! Wouldn't change it for a bit - it is different and exciting. I love it and you more xxxx
11:21am this morning I get this email from Mistress:-
Hi sweets
I'm going to London next Wed for an 8.30 am start so leaving fairly early so you will need to do morning school run.
Meeting a client for lunch meeting and the late afternoon meeting Dave so you will need to pick up kids. It is a Wed so similar to earlier this week so same stuff to be done in the evening as in no after school activities.
x x
Getting dirty during & after the date...
Conversation with Mistress
Mistress (17:13): (Wednesday – while away on Her date)
Hi you guys, how was school my sweeties? Hope you had a fab time. Look fwd to seeing you later xx love you xx
Me (17:37):
hello mummy. had a good day at school. love you. hope you have a good time. xxx
Mistress (19:21):
Hiya my sweeties, just got on 19:22 out of [Town] . So see you for kisses & bedtime XXXXXXX
Me (20:07):
Just got this text! U want us to pic u?
Mistress (20:14):
Thks no probs, in cab c u very soon my sweets xx
Me (10:23): (Next day in the morning)
Love you xx
Me (10:35):
let me know if you want to chat at lunch time. xx
Mistress (10:47):
love you too! I'll see how my day goes xx
Me (11:21):
Hey kid. Is Dave there? What's he saying today? :) xx
Mistress (11:29):
He wasn't here when I got here, but he has just come in from a meeting I think. However, I got a msg from him before I got here when in waitrose saying he was soo pissed he feel asleep in toilets and in the Resturant after, the boys had to come find him. He also commented saying, "what an afternoon , when can I see you again ?" that's all the communication so far xx
Me (11:31):
xx
Me (11:44):
as usual I talked shit about leaving you. I don't know how you cope with all this shit from me. you are too good. I love you and I will never leave you or give you up. I don't know why I say I will. I will never choose to stop worshipping you.
Me (11:45):
(no reply needed) x
Mistress (12:20):
Are you ok? Xx
Me (12:24):
not really. but I am managing to work at 70-80% capacity. I'd quite like a chat. xx
Me (12:45):
hi darling. that was not a very good 2 way chat. I wanted to share & agree a way forward... xx
Me (12:47):
that was not very fair, babes. a text saying "are you ok" and then half a phone call...
Mistress (12:48):
I know exactly what you want to agree! It is extremely difficult for me and I need to work out how I manage to do so. Everything I do is always for you and here I am changing things again for you. It's not fair, I don't think I deserve to be tested and treated this way. So I need to find a way to deal with it and move on with our lives exclusively for you, somehow!
Me (12:55):
"Everything I do is always for you and here I am again changing things for you" is not how it should be. Everyting you do should be for both of us. Ideally togther, but if nt, then in comon. You have a life too. And if you know exactly wht I want to agree, then you know more than I do! I am not trying to draw a line. I am trying to share my feelings. I am still happy to work together, WITH you to change my attitude FOR you (and thus for us). It's not so simple that you can close it in a text. I am sorry. xx
Me (13:00):
You are already 'blaming' me & getting cross with me. And we've not agreed a way forward. I thoughte were going to try and movforward together as friends and do the best thing for both of us. Not fall out before we've even agreed how to deal with it.
Me (13:01):
But one thing I am clear about is that I am not going to fight with you about this. I am going to be you strength, for us.
Me (13:02):
Please don't "deal with it" (= end it with Dave) until we are agreed together that it is, in balance, what we both want. xx
Me (13:18):
Looking a your text: I am not 'testing' you in any way. I don't need to test you. I know you for what you are and I absolutely love you for what you are. And if you really meant to say, as you did, that you are 'dealing with it' "exclusively" for me, then that is both sad, and, I believe, not true, beause you should be, and would be, doing it for both of us, together. Sorry we are not dealig wi this happily as I had hoped. I understand why though, and I still won't fight you. And I still want to agree a way forward together. Please don't try to spoil the love we have. xx
Mistress (13:23):
I don't want to fight nor do I want to spoil our love. I am finding this very hard tho and wondering why you want to shake us and mess what we have. Tell you something, when David first saw us, he said, we are so lucky to have each other and was in awe of the love and the bond we had. Why spoil it? Xx
Me (13:29):
I a so glad see that you don't want to figh or spoil. I don't want to shake us or mess anythig abot what we have. I am in awe of it too! Don't want to spoil the special love & bond we have. If my jealousy & suggestion we abandon cuckolding is doing so, then let's expore it together and not jump to a conclusion. I don't want to detract one bit from our love.
Me (13:34):
By the way, with your tolerance, indulgence & support, we can probably overcome my cuckold issues. I dont want to demand these from you, but we are where we are. xx
Mistress (13:35):
I really feel having got where I am now after so many many years of trying to get me here, undoing it would be ...... don't even have the words for it. We have created the person I am now, in fact the people we are now and I am loving who I am , the thingsI get to do and how it helps me love you even more. Although it is all diminished by the things I see it doing to you in contrast. Therefore, one of us is going to have to sacrifice their happiness and I will not allow it to be you becoz I believe I am the stronger of us both! It may take a while but I will get there in the end! You have proven unable to deal with me seeing someone else so you are too weak for is to decide it is you who has to give up your happiness. Like I said, I am stronger I think!
Me (13:44):
That is such a lovely message & shows why you deserve & have my love. But a few questions. Would stopping cuckolding really = "undoing" who you are? I don' think so. I don't want u to change 1 bit. Let's not sacrifice. Let's work together to continue what we have- what we both know we both enjoy: we both know I get HUGE +ves out of our cuck FemDom. Let's deal with my -ve issues +vely. The only Q is, have you got the strength to do that? If so, then let's work at it. xx
Me (13:53):
To be quite clear my issues are jealousy. I do not want you to change even one tiny bit.
Mistress (13:54):
Jealously is an ugly destructive beast!
Me (14:01):
Sure is. We did see it coming a few months ago though when you asked me if I REALLY wanted you to find someone to fuck every lunch time, and I said no, it would drive me nuts. We both chose to ignore that. Now we are dealing with it... xx
Me (14:05):
I think the jealousy would be less if you removed the once a month blow job rule, and once a year anal rule, and allowed yourself the freedom and me the dignity to enjoy more extravagant sex whenever you permitted it. But if you were getting this from DH then mine would get even less, not more, and I'd go nuts...
Mistress (14:05):
We sure are dealing with it! Shame eh! Instead of building our relationship, enjoying the pleasures & excitement .... and making our love even stronger, we are tearing it apart piece by piece, what took us many many loving years to put together!
Me (14:07):
For me, my love is not being torn apart. My love for you is 1000% stronger than ever.
Mistress (14:07):
I am happy to remove all those and allow you as much sexual freedom as you and I want. Consider them gone! It was you who wanted more sexual domination rules, which I was happy to give and equally as happy to get rid off
Me (14:09):
Good. Thank you my love. xx
Mistress (14:10):
Anything else you want? Xx
Mistress (14:11):
So stop asking me if you can do things to me..... just go ahead and do them like you did many years ago! In addition, if you want a blow job or fuck me in the arse just do it! Xx
Me (14:13):
There are no other things that I can think of. To me the biggest issue is/was accepting the loss of wild sex with the greatest sex machine god put on this earth....
Me (14:14):
But you did say you don’t want to do those things with me any more. What happened to that? xx
Mistress (14:14):
You are welcome to my blackberry! The password is lovemyhusband
Me (14:15):
You are mad! :)
Me (14:18):
If you give me that, you can't delete the history before I see it or I will go mad. You can clear it now, though, if you want, and I won't go mad, coz we had that understanding - though of course I will trust you more if you don't delete the history...xx
Mistress (14:19):
That was under a FD umbrella, me being controlling and assertive the only way I know how and I meant it! If you lead, I am sure we can still do those things! I'll do whatever makes you happy! Xx
Me (14:20):
Yes, but its not just about me, it's about you too; about us. x
Mistress (14:20):
I am not going to delete any history and wasn't even planning to do so! I have nothing to hide and never have!
Me (14:21):
I know. That's why I trust you. xx
Me (14:34):
Did I say, I love you? I do. xx
Mistress (17:13): (Wednesday – while away on Her date)
Hi you guys, how was school my sweeties? Hope you had a fab time. Look fwd to seeing you later xx love you xx
Me (17:37):
hello mummy. had a good day at school. love you. hope you have a good time. xxx
Mistress (19:21):
Hiya my sweeties, just got on 19:22 out of [Town] . So see you for kisses & bedtime XXXXXXX
Me (20:07):
Just got this text! U want us to pic u?
Mistress (20:14):
Thks no probs, in cab c u very soon my sweets xx
Me (10:23): (Next day in the morning)
Love you xx
Me (10:35):
let me know if you want to chat at lunch time. xx
Mistress (10:47):
love you too! I'll see how my day goes xx
Me (11:21):
Hey kid. Is Dave there? What's he saying today? :) xx
Mistress (11:29):
He wasn't here when I got here, but he has just come in from a meeting I think. However, I got a msg from him before I got here when in waitrose saying he was soo pissed he feel asleep in toilets and in the Resturant after, the boys had to come find him. He also commented saying, "what an afternoon , when can I see you again ?" that's all the communication so far xx
Me (11:31):
xx
Me (11:44):
as usual I talked shit about leaving you. I don't know how you cope with all this shit from me. you are too good. I love you and I will never leave you or give you up. I don't know why I say I will. I will never choose to stop worshipping you.
Me (11:45):
(no reply needed) x
Mistress (12:20):
Are you ok? Xx
Me (12:24):
not really. but I am managing to work at 70-80% capacity. I'd quite like a chat. xx
Me (12:45):
hi darling. that was not a very good 2 way chat. I wanted to share & agree a way forward... xx
Me (12:47):
that was not very fair, babes. a text saying "are you ok" and then half a phone call...
Mistress (12:48):
I know exactly what you want to agree! It is extremely difficult for me and I need to work out how I manage to do so. Everything I do is always for you and here I am changing things again for you. It's not fair, I don't think I deserve to be tested and treated this way. So I need to find a way to deal with it and move on with our lives exclusively for you, somehow!
Me (12:55):
"Everything I do is always for you and here I am again changing things for you" is not how it should be. Everyting you do should be for both of us. Ideally togther, but if nt, then in comon. You have a life too. And if you know exactly wht I want to agree, then you know more than I do! I am not trying to draw a line. I am trying to share my feelings. I am still happy to work together, WITH you to change my attitude FOR you (and thus for us). It's not so simple that you can close it in a text. I am sorry. xx
Me (13:00):
You are already 'blaming' me & getting cross with me. And we've not agreed a way forward. I thoughte were going to try and movforward together as friends and do the best thing for both of us. Not fall out before we've even agreed how to deal with it.
Me (13:01):
But one thing I am clear about is that I am not going to fight with you about this. I am going to be you strength, for us.
Me (13:02):
Please don't "deal with it" (= end it with Dave) until we are agreed together that it is, in balance, what we both want. xx
Me (13:18):
Looking a your text: I am not 'testing' you in any way. I don't need to test you. I know you for what you are and I absolutely love you for what you are. And if you really meant to say, as you did, that you are 'dealing with it' "exclusively" for me, then that is both sad, and, I believe, not true, beause you should be, and would be, doing it for both of us, together. Sorry we are not dealig wi this happily as I had hoped. I understand why though, and I still won't fight you. And I still want to agree a way forward together. Please don't try to spoil the love we have. xx
Mistress (13:23):
I don't want to fight nor do I want to spoil our love. I am finding this very hard tho and wondering why you want to shake us and mess what we have. Tell you something, when David first saw us, he said, we are so lucky to have each other and was in awe of the love and the bond we had. Why spoil it? Xx
Me (13:29):
I a so glad see that you don't want to figh or spoil. I don't want to shake us or mess anythig abot what we have. I am in awe of it too! Don't want to spoil the special love & bond we have. If my jealousy & suggestion we abandon cuckolding is doing so, then let's expore it together and not jump to a conclusion. I don't want to detract one bit from our love.
Me (13:34):
By the way, with your tolerance, indulgence & support, we can probably overcome my cuckold issues. I dont want to demand these from you, but we are where we are. xx
Mistress (13:35):
I really feel having got where I am now after so many many years of trying to get me here, undoing it would be ...... don't even have the words for it. We have created the person I am now, in fact the people we are now and I am loving who I am , the thingsI get to do and how it helps me love you even more. Although it is all diminished by the things I see it doing to you in contrast. Therefore, one of us is going to have to sacrifice their happiness and I will not allow it to be you becoz I believe I am the stronger of us both! It may take a while but I will get there in the end! You have proven unable to deal with me seeing someone else so you are too weak for is to decide it is you who has to give up your happiness. Like I said, I am stronger I think!
Me (13:44):
That is such a lovely message & shows why you deserve & have my love. But a few questions. Would stopping cuckolding really = "undoing" who you are? I don' think so. I don't want u to change 1 bit. Let's not sacrifice. Let's work together to continue what we have- what we both know we both enjoy: we both know I get HUGE +ves out of our cuck FemDom. Let's deal with my -ve issues +vely. The only Q is, have you got the strength to do that? If so, then let's work at it. xx
Me (13:53):
To be quite clear my issues are jealousy. I do not want you to change even one tiny bit.
Mistress (13:54):
Jealously is an ugly destructive beast!
Me (14:01):
Sure is. We did see it coming a few months ago though when you asked me if I REALLY wanted you to find someone to fuck every lunch time, and I said no, it would drive me nuts. We both chose to ignore that. Now we are dealing with it... xx
Me (14:05):
I think the jealousy would be less if you removed the once a month blow job rule, and once a year anal rule, and allowed yourself the freedom and me the dignity to enjoy more extravagant sex whenever you permitted it. But if you were getting this from DH then mine would get even less, not more, and I'd go nuts...
Mistress (14:05):
We sure are dealing with it! Shame eh! Instead of building our relationship, enjoying the pleasures & excitement .... and making our love even stronger, we are tearing it apart piece by piece, what took us many many loving years to put together!
Me (14:07):
For me, my love is not being torn apart. My love for you is 1000% stronger than ever.
Mistress (14:07):
I am happy to remove all those and allow you as much sexual freedom as you and I want. Consider them gone! It was you who wanted more sexual domination rules, which I was happy to give and equally as happy to get rid off
Me (14:09):
Good. Thank you my love. xx
Mistress (14:10):
Anything else you want? Xx
Mistress (14:11):
So stop asking me if you can do things to me..... just go ahead and do them like you did many years ago! In addition, if you want a blow job or fuck me in the arse just do it! Xx
Me (14:13):
There are no other things that I can think of. To me the biggest issue is/was accepting the loss of wild sex with the greatest sex machine god put on this earth....
Me (14:14):
But you did say you don’t want to do those things with me any more. What happened to that? xx
Mistress (14:14):
You are welcome to my blackberry! The password is lovemyhusband
Me (14:15):
You are mad! :)
Me (14:18):
If you give me that, you can't delete the history before I see it or I will go mad. You can clear it now, though, if you want, and I won't go mad, coz we had that understanding - though of course I will trust you more if you don't delete the history...xx
Mistress (14:19):
That was under a FD umbrella, me being controlling and assertive the only way I know how and I meant it! If you lead, I am sure we can still do those things! I'll do whatever makes you happy! Xx
Me (14:20):
Yes, but its not just about me, it's about you too; about us. x
Mistress (14:20):
I am not going to delete any history and wasn't even planning to do so! I have nothing to hide and never have!
Me (14:21):
I know. That's why I trust you. xx
Me (14:34):
Did I say, I love you? I do. xx
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Fun date
They’re on their date now – they took a train together at 2pm to a neighbouring town where they can flirt in the pub without fear of being seen.Mistress wore a wonderful outfit – tiny little skirt, high heals and vest. He will be delighted!
Last night I was feeling terribly jealous in anticipation, but we talked about it and as usual Mistress calmed me down.
After all my ranting and raving She simply said: “What is the point, when we are doing this because its meant to be fun? If its not fun then let’s not do it.”
That made sense, and I remembered it is meant to be fun, and gave Her my blessings to go. I fear I somewhat detracted from the anticipation and pleasure by then…
She said that tonight, before She tells me anything about the date, She will cane me to punish me for forgetting it is supposed to be fun! I can’t complain really….
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Cuckold conflicts
I am driven to near obsession at the thought that I share Her with others. I don’t want to share Her – I want Her for myself.
But when I’m not sharing Her, I want to share Her.
We discussed it this morning. She says She hates the confusion – I can understand that.
She says I no longer deliver & cannot deliver the sexual gratification and excitement that She wants from a man.
Last night while we lay on the sofa I got a big hard on. I was thinking about how I might ‘do’ things to Her like strip Her, finger Her a fuck Her – things She wants to do with other men.
I showed Her my hard on and told Her I was thinking of all the things I might do to Her. She laughed and told me I would not do them, and that I should just wank it off and go to sleep. I wanked while She watched while I said ‘I don’t want to wank it off! I want you!’ But She laughed at me and I wanked, I came, and we slept.
But this morning it troubled me.
When She approaches sex with Dave She will do so from the perspective that She expects him to have alpha male sex with Her. She will strip for him, dress for him and fuck with him on that basis. If She did those things for me, then would I not also gladly enjoy alpha male sex with Her?
Granted, this was all my idea in the first place. But…
But what?
I don’t know!
She says I should be honest with myself.
Well, being honest: I don’t want to share Her. I want to be the only man with sexual access to my Goddess.
But when I am, I will want to share Her.
And what about Her being honest:-
I will never fuck Dave, She said about a month ago – She now can’t wait.
I will never fuck Chris, She said a bout a month before She fucked him.
I will never allow another man to take me away from my kids – not for any amount of time, ever, She said. Tomorrow She is going away with Dave for the evening and I am putting the kids to bed on my own.
Conflicts. Be careful what you wish for.
I’ve not decided what to do yet. But I do know one thing: I do not want to share Her. I want Her for myself. I may also want other things – but we can’t have all we want.
But when I’m not sharing Her, I want to share Her.
We discussed it this morning. She says She hates the confusion – I can understand that.
She says I no longer deliver & cannot deliver the sexual gratification and excitement that She wants from a man.
Last night while we lay on the sofa I got a big hard on. I was thinking about how I might ‘do’ things to Her like strip Her, finger Her a fuck Her – things She wants to do with other men.
I showed Her my hard on and told Her I was thinking of all the things I might do to Her. She laughed and told me I would not do them, and that I should just wank it off and go to sleep. I wanked while She watched while I said ‘I don’t want to wank it off! I want you!’ But She laughed at me and I wanked, I came, and we slept.
But this morning it troubled me.
When She approaches sex with Dave She will do so from the perspective that She expects him to have alpha male sex with Her. She will strip for him, dress for him and fuck with him on that basis. If She did those things for me, then would I not also gladly enjoy alpha male sex with Her?
Granted, this was all my idea in the first place. But…
But what?
I don’t know!
She says I should be honest with myself.
Well, being honest: I don’t want to share Her. I want to be the only man with sexual access to my Goddess.
But when I am, I will want to share Her.
And what about Her being honest:-
I will never fuck Dave, She said about a month ago – She now can’t wait.
I will never fuck Chris, She said a bout a month before She fucked him.
I will never allow another man to take me away from my kids – not for any amount of time, ever, She said. Tomorrow She is going away with Dave for the evening and I am putting the kids to bed on my own.
Conflicts. Be careful what you wish for.
I’ve not decided what to do yet. But I do know one thing: I do not want to share Her. I want Her for myself. I may also want other things – but we can’t have all we want.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Date, date, date!
They went for lunch on Her last day at work before half term, and coffee today, Her first day back – and this after spending the whole week off having Blackberry Sex.
On Wednesday they are taking the afternoon off to spend the time together. Mistress has chosen the short skirt She is going to wear. She told me She want him to be able to access Her pussy when he rubs Her leg… I think they are going to fuck on Wednesday – but they might not, because it’s not the best time of the month for Her… but it’s coming very soon. She admits it now, that She’s looking forward to it – based on his BBM sex talk, She’s hoping he’ll be a good fuck.
She’s worried – get this – that he won’t like Her pussy because it is shaven bald, and he has previously said he likes a small railtrack! Oh please! Of course he’ll like it!
On Sunday Mistress gave me 15 strokes for discipline, plus 10 more for asking her if She’d checked her Crackberry when She went to the ladies loo when we were out at the pub. At first She denied She had, but later She admitted She had, and said She would punish me for asking. I am to assume, She said, that they are always having Blackberry sex, and She is always checking Her messages from him – so there is no need for me to ask or guess – because they are.
On Wednesday they are taking the afternoon off to spend the time together. Mistress has chosen the short skirt She is going to wear. She told me She want him to be able to access Her pussy when he rubs Her leg… I think they are going to fuck on Wednesday – but they might not, because it’s not the best time of the month for Her… but it’s coming very soon. She admits it now, that She’s looking forward to it – based on his BBM sex talk, She’s hoping he’ll be a good fuck.
She’s worried – get this – that he won’t like Her pussy because it is shaven bald, and he has previously said he likes a small railtrack! Oh please! Of course he’ll like it!
On Sunday Mistress gave me 15 strokes for discipline, plus 10 more for asking her if She’d checked her Crackberry when She went to the ladies loo when we were out at the pub. At first She denied She had, but later She admitted She had, and said She would punish me for asking. I am to assume, She said, that they are always having Blackberry sex, and She is always checking Her messages from him – so there is no need for me to ask or guess – because they are.
Friday, June 04, 2010
Exclusivity
Yesterday Mistress said that She doesn’t want macho sex stuff from me – not words nor deeds. If She wants to talk dirty then She’ll do it with Dave, and when She wants dirty sex, She’ll have that with him too – so She doesn’t want that from me – She wants complete control over our sex life, and for me to do as I am told by Her – including never talking to Her about nor asking for macho sex.I thanked Her for Her guidance in this matter.
Later I asked Her: What if I decided that actually I’d like sexual exclusivity with Her – to be the only sexual provider in Her life.
She replied that if that was what I decided then She would respect my decision, because She is happily married to me.
Later still I suggested to Her that if She wanted and had ‘complete control’ in our relationship, then surely, it should actually be down to Her if I got exclusivity or not. She agreed with this, and said I could forget it.
But deep down, we both know that if I pulled the plug on it She wouldn’t see anyone else (not that She’d admit to me anyway!)
So why don’t I?
For years I’ve never been jealous of Her with other men – the one thing that changed it was Her telling me what great sex She had with David. So now She’s enjoying it I should pull the plug? Hardly seems fair. But life’s not fair.
Anyway, I won’t pull the plug. But it hurts like fuck some times.
Too busy
She's 'too busy' to text me when She's at work.
I wonder how many messages She's exchanged with Dave this afternoon...
I wonder how many messages She's exchanged with Dave this afternoon...
"Interesting" lunch
Mistress told me this morning that one of Dave's messages to Her said:-"I am sitting behind you, holding your legs wide appart. I push my finger deep into you, and feel how wet you are".
She was wondering how he'd behave towards Her at lunch - the first private appointment they've had since the explicit BBM sex.
Half Term
Mistress was off for half term – we’ve had a great time together and with the kids.On the last day of the previous week that they were both in the office they went for lunch together ‘because they wouldn’t see each other over the week She was off’.
Today is Her first day back, and they’ve gone for lunch together to celebrate Her return.
Last night Mistress gave me the disciplinary caning She was not able to give me on Sunday because we were out, and then made me wank into the cup in front of Her while repeating that “I am the village idiot”. I then drank my cum and joined her in bed.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
More text....
(Me): I read this passage over the weekend. Made me fear what life with you would be like if you were like this:-
Miss Strang then fetched a book from the shelf.
"Place your hands closer together, John. No, keep the palms face upward, please, as I asked you to do."
She then placed the book across John's outstretched palms. It covered them completely. I felt a little flutter of breathlessness as she did this. It seemed an odd thing to do, and rather disturbing.
"John, you ought to be able to exercise self-control. I expect you to stay over the arm of the chair, without struggling and without resisting. I have placed the book on your hands as an encouragement to you to keep in position. If at any time you take your hands from under the book or disturb it in any way, then you will receive two extra strokes. Do you understand?"
Miss Strang then fetched a book from the shelf.
"Place your hands closer together, John. No, keep the palms face upward, please, as I asked you to do."
She then placed the book across John's outstretched palms. It covered them completely. I felt a little flutter of breathlessness as she did this. It seemed an odd thing to do, and rather disturbing.
"John, you ought to be able to exercise self-control. I expect you to stay over the arm of the chair, without struggling and without resisting. I have placed the book on your hands as an encouragement to you to keep in position. If at any time you take your hands from under the book or disturb it in any way, then you will receive two extra strokes. Do you understand?"
Text
Me (14:42): God my cock is so hard. Xx
Mistress (14:48): Oh why, what u thinking abt? Xx
Me (14:50): Do you REALLY want to know my terrible, disgusting, humiliating thoughts? X
Mistress (15:49): yes xx
Me (16:07): I was having submissive thoughts I am ashamed of. Fantasising that you decided to use the cane more to train me to be the way you want, including, perhaps, punishing me for not dealing with your BBM very well, and training me to only ever talk about it by way of offering you your phone if I notice a message has come in. Perhaps training me to not mention Dave's name unless you do first. And always using the cane ruthlessly to enforce your will. I am ashamed to say my cock is hard again thinking about it. :-( I imagine you train me to the point where I proactively submit to you so much that I point out to you that I was unable to offer myself for strokes last Sunday and offer myself the next day, because if I don't offer myself then you will punish me for not doing so. Like I said, I am ashamed of my submissive fantasies. Love you. xx
Mistress (16:10): No need to be ashamed. I like your thoughts. In fact thought similar ones re Sunday caning and abt Dave & BBM xx
Mistress (14:48): Oh why, what u thinking abt? Xx
Me (14:50): Do you REALLY want to know my terrible, disgusting, humiliating thoughts? X
Mistress (15:49): yes xx
Me (16:07): I was having submissive thoughts I am ashamed of. Fantasising that you decided to use the cane more to train me to be the way you want, including, perhaps, punishing me for not dealing with your BBM very well, and training me to only ever talk about it by way of offering you your phone if I notice a message has come in. Perhaps training me to not mention Dave's name unless you do first. And always using the cane ruthlessly to enforce your will. I am ashamed to say my cock is hard again thinking about it. :-( I imagine you train me to the point where I proactively submit to you so much that I point out to you that I was unable to offer myself for strokes last Sunday and offer myself the next day, because if I don't offer myself then you will punish me for not doing so. Like I said, I am ashamed of my submissive fantasies. Love you. xx
Mistress (16:10): No need to be ashamed. I like your thoughts. In fact thought similar ones re Sunday caning and abt Dave & BBM xx
Jealousy
We had a great bank holiday weekend.
Mistress was often on Her Crackberry exchanging messages with Dave.
At one point I said to Her, carefully and without angering Her, that I was jealous. That any time She spent on him was time not spent on me. I explained that just because I didn’t complain when She did it, I didn’t Her to be under any illusion that it caused me great jealousy and humiliation.
She accepted that She did feel guilty when doing it, too. But She still did it.
This morning, when She was out at the gym, I got a texted kiss from Her at 11:29.
I read it and thought Dave must be exchanging messages with Her, so She’s decided to make me happy by texting me too. So I texted back a big smile and some kisses.
That is jealousy. She texts me, and instead of me being grateful and happy She has chosen to do it, I conclude that She only did it to assuage Her feeling of guilt at Her ongoing conversation with him.
She called on Her way home for lunch and I started food preparations. I took the rubbish out to the bin, and found Her sat in Her car in the garage on Her Crackberry – obviously messaging him….
When She came in I asked why She’d felt the need to sit in Her car and do it – why not come in, sit down and do it?
She said that it was because She had started the message at the club, and was only finishing it off. Hmmm. I don’t get that, but there we go.
She put Her Crackberry down and then fought with Herself not to look at it again in front of me (my jealousy speaking again!). Eventually I took it to Her and told Her to feel free to check it whenever She wanted.
She grunted and did so.
Then She went up to shower, and left Her BB in Her handbag. I saw the light flashing – new message in, and took it upstairs and put it next to Her tea…..
Mistress was often on Her Crackberry exchanging messages with Dave.
At one point I said to Her, carefully and without angering Her, that I was jealous. That any time She spent on him was time not spent on me. I explained that just because I didn’t complain when She did it, I didn’t Her to be under any illusion that it caused me great jealousy and humiliation.
She accepted that She did feel guilty when doing it, too. But She still did it.
This morning, when She was out at the gym, I got a texted kiss from Her at 11:29.
I read it and thought Dave must be exchanging messages with Her, so She’s decided to make me happy by texting me too. So I texted back a big smile and some kisses.
That is jealousy. She texts me, and instead of me being grateful and happy She has chosen to do it, I conclude that She only did it to assuage Her feeling of guilt at Her ongoing conversation with him.
She called on Her way home for lunch and I started food preparations. I took the rubbish out to the bin, and found Her sat in Her car in the garage on Her Crackberry – obviously messaging him….
When She came in I asked why She’d felt the need to sit in Her car and do it – why not come in, sit down and do it?
She said that it was because She had started the message at the club, and was only finishing it off. Hmmm. I don’t get that, but there we go.
She put Her Crackberry down and then fought with Herself not to look at it again in front of me (my jealousy speaking again!). Eventually I took it to Her and told Her to feel free to check it whenever She wanted.
She grunted and did so.
Then She went up to shower, and left Her BB in Her handbag. I saw the light flashing – new message in, and took it upstairs and put it next to Her tea…..
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