What am I saying?

An open letter to Mistress

I’m not complaining that You want, and are obviously enjoying pursuing, a private relationship with Dave.

I want to live as your complete submissive, and if that’s what You want to do with Dave, then I regard my role to be here for You when You get back or need me, and to love and support You unconditionally.

End of story.

But I am finding a few things along that journey a little tricky to deal with, and I want Your help with them. I want to discuss them with You, because whenever I discuss things with You, You always help us find the best route forward.

This is a long way from where we started – where You had the cuckold relationship “for us” and we shared most or all of Your relationship.

Now we don’t share it. It’s for You, and I only get whatever crumbs You choose to let fall from Your table, if any.

I can understand that You want to flirt with him, have dates and do stuff, and You don’t want me looking over Your shoulder and nosing in. You want the freedom and discretion to do whatever You want to do – and I accept that that is entirely reasonable.

And that’s all OK when You and I are having sex and/or you are dominating me every day or two – because I feel that I am emotionally important to You – in a sexual or submissive way. But when You and I don’t have sex, or You don’t dom me for days, and yet during that time You do pursue and enjoy Your relationship with Dave (as has happened over this past week) then I feel left out. I see You relating with excitement to him, and not relating to me in any significant way at all. So I question where I fit in.

In my cuckold fantasy, when You had another boyfriend, it made You more dominating and humiliating towards me – so that as You enjoyed the boyfriend more, You also enjoyed humiliating and dominating me more – and so I felt more the valued submissive.

In my fantasies, You told me how great the sex (and the relationship) was with Your alpha male:

“He bought me dinner and gave me a bunch of flowers, isn’t he great!”

“He wants me with him and I want to be with him so I’m going. While I am away I want you to do the laundry.”

“We had great sex for hours – we did everything. He fucked me silly and it was wonderful. Now I just need to sleep.”

And if You didn’t want to fuck me You told me, or You made me wank myself off, or You caned and humiliated me instead of fucking me, and so in my fantasy I fitted in very clearly as Your submissive.

But the reality is not like that.

I’m not saying the reality should be like that – that’s not for me to say. We would both prefer for You to say what the reality will be like.

Right now You are saying what the reality is with Your actions – You are saying that You are pursuing a relationship with him, and I should sit quietly & submissively on the edge and simply do as You wish, which quite often is nothing.

I can live with that. But its very hard accepting that I am emotionally important to You when I am in that role.

I don’t want, and I am not asking, You to change Your actions and behaviour in any way. On the contrary, I want You to selfishly pursue exactly whatever it is You want.

What I am asking is that You help me to accept my submissive role.

I love You and am here for You.