Peace...

Well, Dave is gone for 3 weeks holiday.

Mistress now leaves Her blackberry in the house when She goes out – She misses it greatly! I love seeing it here when She is out.

We are enjoying our time together, although She admits She thinks of him every day and is looking forward to his return.

I will have a very pleasant 3 weeks. I’ll keep you posted on how life progresses.

After all that, more kissing in the lift!

After all the pain of our test exchange on Friday, when Dave left on his holiday at 3pm, Mistress got in the lift with him on the way down so that they could have a kiss and a grope!

Later that night She and I went on a pub crawl with some friends and had a great night out – though I was embarrassed holding Her hand and being close to Her because I felt like a spare wheel.

It was not until Saturday lunch time that She told me She’d been in the lift with Dave. She seemed to think nothing of it that She’d done this even after our test exchange.

As She said, if he’d asked Her out that Friday, She’d have gone with him rather than on the pub crawl with me anyway!

She’s crazy. That’s why I love Her!

Final round..

Mistress - :

Sorry, been in meeting and dealing with shit here, haven't even had lunch. Xx

Me - :

Hard luck. Xx

Mistress - :

Just read your txts. It is not the latter. I am having a tough day working and you should be doing the same. Stop spending your time assuming things things that are wrong and a waste of valuable time and work instead. Can't this wait until I get home, surely??? Focus and perspective pls ! Xx

Me - :

Of course it can and will wait. I was just concerned at the silence. Xx

Mistress - :

Silence in many cases especially at work usually means busy!! xx

Me - :

Yes. Or in Your case a date... xx

Mistress - :

Yes, much less though. Stop fretting, pls pls pls.... I am really really worried about you! Xx

Me - :

I’m not fretting now I've heard from You. I am not worried about me. You don't need to worry about me now, until the day Dave gets back! Xx (from his three weeks holiday that has just started).

Mistress - :

I shouldn't have to worry about you as much as it is, especially your mental health. & I mean that in the real sense of the words mental health! xx

Me - :

I agree. The shift from being everything to you to where we are now is not trivial- I am surprised You are doing it and I am handling it so well.

Mistress - :

Then let's not do it then! That will get rid of the surprise and we can move on with our lives xx Correction, you are not handling it well & that's fine, why should you be expected to - it is selfish of me and even ask! I appear to be destroying you and that's the last thing I want to do in the world. You are too important for me and love you too much to watch you disintegrate in front of my very eyes! Xx

And that where things rest now…

More Talk

Mistress to me – just as She received my missive below:

Funny, I was in the middle of typing this txt to you before yours came in so I'll send it before reading yours to me I love you and only you. I love you as my submissive husband and only you have that role and place. You have the prime no. one spot on my life. Xx

Mistress to me – 10:45am - after She read my long one...:

Did I not make you polish my shoes as I went on a date? Is that dominating or not? Did I not make you wank yourself? Sometimes, I just want to do nothing and lie in your arms and sleep..... I enjoy that too. I also txt you and talk to you too just like I do him and I enjoy that. Do I have to be doing a dominating act for you and I to enjoy and love each other? Same way, he and I don’t have to be having bbm sex or real sex to be friends. You and I can sometimes be friends and enjoy that too. I do and sometimes, that's enough for me! Xx

Me - :

Yes. I'm not criticising You, and I'm not asking You to change or Dom more. All I'm doing is asking for Your understanding & help. Xx

Mistress - :

Ok, I do understand sweetheart and I will help you. In the meantime, pls don't worry about what it and spend your time pls working and making something of your business, that's what us important during the working day. I love you dearly xx

Me –

Good. Xx

Me – 11:36:

I guess the biggest thing for me all my life with You is that You have always loved, needed and wanted me, and only me. And You have always made that so apparent to me. This has always made me feel so lucky and privileged, and I have always felt so confident of Your exclusive love for me. Now You want and are having a real relationship with someone else - not only me. That turns some 15 year old fundamentals on their head. X

Me – 12:11:

Right now, for example, I don't know whether You've not replied to my text because (1) You are in a meeting, (2) don't have anything to say, or (3) have gone out for coffee with Dave, and despite my problems, are just getting on with Your relationship with him. Of course I assume it is the latter (3). Xx

That’s where things rest right now, 12:45.

What am I saying?

An open letter to Mistress

I’m not complaining that You want, and are obviously enjoying pursuing, a private relationship with Dave.

I want to live as your complete submissive, and if that’s what You want to do with Dave, then I regard my role to be here for You when You get back or need me, and to love and support You unconditionally.

End of story.

But I am finding a few things along that journey a little tricky to deal with, and I want Your help with them. I want to discuss them with You, because whenever I discuss things with You, You always help us find the best route forward.

This is a long way from where we started – where You had the cuckold relationship “for us” and we shared most or all of Your relationship.

Now we don’t share it. It’s for You, and I only get whatever crumbs You choose to let fall from Your table, if any.

I can understand that You want to flirt with him, have dates and do stuff, and You don’t want me looking over Your shoulder and nosing in. You want the freedom and discretion to do whatever You want to do – and I accept that that is entirely reasonable.

And that’s all OK when You and I are having sex and/or you are dominating me every day or two – because I feel that I am emotionally important to You – in a sexual or submissive way. But when You and I don’t have sex, or You don’t dom me for days, and yet during that time You do pursue and enjoy Your relationship with Dave (as has happened over this past week) then I feel left out. I see You relating with excitement to him, and not relating to me in any significant way at all. So I question where I fit in.

In my cuckold fantasy, when You had another boyfriend, it made You more dominating and humiliating towards me – so that as You enjoyed the boyfriend more, You also enjoyed humiliating and dominating me more – and so I felt more the valued submissive.

In my fantasies, You told me how great the sex (and the relationship) was with Your alpha male:

“He bought me dinner and gave me a bunch of flowers, isn’t he great!”

“He wants me with him and I want to be with him so I’m going. While I am away I want you to do the laundry.”

“We had great sex for hours – we did everything. He fucked me silly and it was wonderful. Now I just need to sleep.”

And if You didn’t want to fuck me You told me, or You made me wank myself off, or You caned and humiliated me instead of fucking me, and so in my fantasy I fitted in very clearly as Your submissive.

But the reality is not like that.

I’m not saying the reality should be like that – that’s not for me to say. We would both prefer for You to say what the reality will be like.

Right now You are saying what the reality is with Your actions – You are saying that You are pursuing a relationship with him, and I should sit quietly & submissively on the edge and simply do as You wish, which quite often is nothing.

I can live with that. But its very hard accepting that I am emotionally important to You when I am in that role.

I don’t want, and I am not asking, You to change Your actions and behaviour in any way. On the contrary, I want You to selfishly pursue exactly whatever it is You want.

What I am asking is that You help me to accept my submissive role.

I love You and am here for You.

Kisses

God, its so embarrassing. She’s just walked in with this kids and given me a big smile and nice, warm, soft kiss. Lovely.

But has She been in the lift kissing him earlier today? I don’t know. Maybe. Does it matter? Why do I feel so embarrassed about it?

“That’s it, really…”

Mistress has just called from Her car on the way out the office to go and pick up the kids. Our conversation was fairly brief. She’s got a lot of work to do so has carried some work home – She might do that this evening or early tomorrow morning, She’s on Her way to get the kids. “That’s it, really”, She concluded Her update. “OK”, I said, and our conversation ended.

A few days ago this conversation would not have possible without talking about Dave – She’d have told me what they’d cracked about through the day, and what their next plan was – possible date or fuck session. But not today. Today there was that pregnant silence at the end of the conversation. Needless to say I didn’t ask, and won’t ask, any questions.

Dave sent Her crack this morning, so I know they’ve been in touch.

When She told me of Her decision to go private with their relationship She specifically said that She wanted us to be able to live and talk without him always coming into it, or his name always coming up. He was ‘too dominant’ in our lives, She felt. She wants us to live and enjoy in our own right, and not have him as the be all and end all of everything.

So this is Her attempt at achieving that.

It might work for Her. But the absence of news about him is just as significant if not more so than the presence of news about him.

Tomorrow is his last day at work before he goes off on holiday for a few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see how those few weeks go – there won’t be any pregnant silence because the two of them won’t be in touch. She’ll start to leave Her crackberry at home.

Humiliating chat

Today Dave is going for a corporate entertaining day at the cricket with clients.

When I came down to make the tea this morning there was a message from him on Her crack, so I took that up with Her tea and as we sat in bed She read and replied to it – quite a long reply – She was typing for a while.

I went to school with Her to drop the kids, and on the way back we commented what a lovely day it is – great weather to be watching the cricket it. She agreed, and said that Dave had said, when he texted earlier, that he could do without watching the cricket – he’s too busy with lots on. She didn’t tell me what She had gone on to reply – I can only guess.

I found it so humiliating – that She has a whole other life with this man with whom She discusses his daily affairs and swallows his sperm, that I don’t ‘know’ about – other than what She tells me, and that I’m not part of – other than to the extent She chooses to share it with me.

I wanted to discuss it with Her while we had a cup of tea, but I was too humiliated to bring it up, so after She left for the office I exchanged the attached text messages with Her.

Where are You?

Mistress left to drop the kids at 8:20 this morning. She starts work at 10am, and it’s a 20 minute journey each way, so She had an hour to kill.

It’s ten minutes to ten now, so where is She? What has She been doing this past 45 minutes?

I’m not allowed to ask. Last Friday evening when She was late in the office I asked if Her boyfriend was there with Her, and She caned me severely for it. I am not to ask what She is doing, ever. She will let me know if I need to know, or She wants to let me know.

So that’s that. After those canes, I didn’t ask this morning.

I wonder if She’s thinking about it, and Her pussy is tingling? I think it must be – because She’s never done this before – gone off an un-accounted hour.

Wanked

Last night in bed Mistress wanked my cock – it was great. She told me She was not sucking it, that I did not deserve the attention She gave Her boyfriend. I should cum all over myself. She stopped wanking me. “Say it!” She said, “Say I do not deserve the attention You gave Your boyfriend today”.

“I do not deserve the attention You gave Your boyfriend” I said, as a huge orgasm let rip and I came all over myself.

Watching the clock

He was supposed to leave their date at 4pm to go back to work for another diary appointment.

It’s 4:12 now, and not a word from Her….

Oops – She’s just called – She’s in Her car. They had a great time – long chat and ended up in the hotel lift. She took his cock out and her played with Her pussy, and when he said he was cumming, She dropped to Her knees and swallowed it! With the lift stopped on the 3rd floor! Lucky no one opened the door! So now they’ve parted and he’s gone off happy – mission accomplished.

Unfortunately She’s got to go and pick up the kids so I don’t get to kiss the taste out of Her mouth. But we’ve always said this is about Her and what She wants, not about me.

Sex

We seem to have had a weekend full of sex. Friday, Saturday and Sunday! But still not enough! Never enough!

Mistress has just left for an afternoon date with Dave. They are meeting at a hotel (his choice) although he’s not told Her he’s booked a room. They only have 2:40 to 4pm booked out in the diary, so not long.

It is ‘that’ time of month for Mistress, so it’s going to be tricky if he has booked a room! I glanced at Her Crack over Her shoulder over the weekend and they were crackign about him fucking Her in the arse, so that might be an option – I suggested She take some KY jelly with Her but She didn’t want to look ‘that prepared’. She had said yesterday that She was determined to suck His cock, and he was determined to show it to Her – watch this space! I’ll keep you posted.


She had me polish these shoes for Her to wear. Nothing too loud. She was looking good (as usual) when She left…

They’ve been together for nearly ¾ of an hour now – I wonder what they are up to!

My crime

This morning Mistress turned in the bed, laid Her foot over me and put Her arm around my chest. We sleep naked.

My cock was semi hard and I played with it. She told me to stop and I did.

Her hand was 5 inches from my cock, but She didn’t touch it.

I thought if that were Dave’s cock, She’d go right for it.

I took Her hand and put it on my cock.

She wanked me. As She did, She said “You are not supposed to just put My hand on your cock. You should ask Me if you would like Me to play with your cock. Put yourself down for a punishment for that, and in future, ask.”

So I have recorded it in my punishment book: Today’s 17.9.10. Put Mistress’ hand on my cock and did not ask Her if She would like to play with my cock.”

This evening when we go to bed I will have to report to Her that She told me She would punish me for putting Her hand on my cock, and ask Her if She would like me to present myself for punishment.

She will almost certainly say yes, no matter that the hour, and I will strap on the leg and arm cuffs that She will use to hook my limbs to the 4 posts of the bed before She canes me hard for my transgression.

My arse still has scabs on it from the last time. I suspect She will draw blood tonight.

But this is exactly what I crave. Simplicity. I now know, without any doubt whatsoever, that I should not take the liberty of putting Her hand on my cock. I wish all life were so simple.

"I can't win"

2 minutes go Mistress sent me a text. ‘Kiss kiss’, it said.

When She used to share her Crackberry with me, if She’d not contacted me all day, I’d have checked the time of Her (constant) messages to Dave, and I’d have commented to Her that She spent the whole day talking to him.

If, back in those days, She’s sent me a text like this, then when I looked at Her crack I’d check to see if She’d been messaging Dave at the time, and whether that was what had made Her decide to text me.

I was honest with Her about this (that is one of my major faults – what I call ‘honesty’). I’d say to Her that I believe the only reason She’d texted me was to assuage Her guilt in messaging him, or to show me She was also thinking about me, while She furiously had BBM sex with him.

So She knows that when She texts me, I am suspicious as to the reasons for it. ‘I can’t win’ She says – if I don’t text you I’m ignoring you, and if I do text you, you don’t want it because you don’t believe its genuine.

She’s right. She cannot win.

Today I know I won’t get to see Her crack with him, so I will never know if the two of them were having BBM sex, or arranged a date, or if She told him She wanted him just at the time She decided to text me.

But even though I don’t know, I will assume it. I assume that She was telling him how hot She was for him, and decided to placate me at the same time, feeling a little guilty.

I assume that She didn’t really want to text me – not in the same way that She likes to have BBM sex with him.

And if you think about it, this must be right. Would you rather text your complaining spouse, or exchange messages with your sexy beaux? The answer’s obvious.

That’s the think about cuckolding. There are some things you can’t win…

“Kissing, touching, sucking…”

Last night Mistress was sat next to me texting Dave. She thought I could not see Her screen, but I looked carefully, and could read the bit of the conversation that was visible.

Her: I so need that – I’d love to do it.
Him: Kissing, touching, sucking!
Her: Hmm! I’d love to do some kissing, touching and sucking with you – as soon as possible. X
Him: Right, I’ll get it sorted.

I couldn’t see much more than that, or put any of it into context.

When She used to show me Her crack he was always saying what he wanted to do, and not putting up to it as often as he talked about it. I guess this was just more of that, although, of course, they may have been discussing a specific date. Apparently they are due to meet up on Monday next week some time.

More Oral...

This morning I decided not to offer to lick Mistress’ arse. I was feeling too sensitive due to now knowing what She was doing with Dave. But when She woke up, She told me to lick Her arse and then get out of bed, and that is what I gladly did, thankful for Her guidance.

Thank You

I sent Mistress this text this morning, which you should find self explanatory:

Thank You for Your decision punish me for not bringing Your Blackberry to You after Dave texted You last night.

It is obviously very humiliating to bring You Your crack to read within the context of Your new, private relationship with him, but that does not excuse my naughtiness in not bringing it to You.

We must both remember that this is all about You and what You want, and I am very sure that You will get a much better submissive by adopting a firm hand, so thank You for Your guidance on this. xx

Not knowing

Mistress’ theory is that if I don’t know what She’s doing with Dave then it can’t worry me.

But of course as She got dressed in Her short skirt this morning, I presumed She was doing it for him. Now lunch time is over, did they have a date? Are they going for coffee this evening? Have they set up their next fuck date yet? Did She send him any nice sexy messages because She knew I would not see?

Not knowing is more obsessive than knowing, but I guess I’ll get used to it.

Eating Pussy

Last night as we got into bed Mistress told me to go down and eat Her pussy. ‘You better eat My Pussy’ as the words She uses for this.

I was feeling very horny and massaged Her breast as She instructed me, but She removed my hand from Her and said ‘Just get on with it’, and so I did. I go down under the duvet, so She can remain warm while I eat Her.

It occurred to me as I ate Her that this is now how sex starts in our marital bed. If She wants sex, She give me this instruction. 99% of the time it never varies – on average, once every 2 days I get this instruction and I eat Her to orgasm before She allows me penetrate Her from the side and cum in Her.

Hers must surely be one of the most eaten pussies in the world! Other people crave oral sex – She has it on tap, every two days. And every morning I lick and tongue Her arse as well.

She sucks my cock when She wants to – roughly once every month or two, for a short while. Never to orgasm.

This morning I was horny again and asked for permission to wank, but She denied it and I remain horny now.

Behind closed doors

Just before we went on holiday Mistress and I had a blazing row about Her relationship with Dave.

We had gone out with another couple to watch some cricket. Dave was at the match, and Mistress was Cracking him on Her BBM in front of me and others. I asked Her not to, but She carried on, so I grabbed Her Blackberry and threw it over the side of the stand where it shattered onto the ground below. That solved my immediate problem, but as you can imagine, things were a little rough between us for a few days. Jealousy does these things…

The problem is She cracks him all day, doesn’t reply to me text messages to Her, and then She shows me Her Crack history and I can see the date & time of every message, and I can see they’ve been at it all day while She’s ignored me.

Mistress has always insisted that I can see Her Crack exchanges with him, because She ‘has nothing to hide’ – ‘it all means nothing’ She says.

We discussed this last night. After some debate and discussion we agreed that from now on Mistress would not share Her BBM history with me, unless She specifically chose to. The assumption would be that they would crack all the time, and I would never see it. Ever. Unless She chose to share it with me.

I am much happier with this. It means I have no way of tracking all the time She dedicates to him, and so I have less to be jealous about.

This morning when I came down to make tea, She did not have a message waiting for him on her Crackberry, so I knew they had not spoken by the time She left the house.

But later in the day She texted me to say She was enjoying Her new found crack freedom, and the knowledge that She would not have to justify Her actions to me.

So when She came home, I asked Her if Dave had finally broken his silence, and She answered ‘Yes. He sent me a message “Good morning hot woman”’. She thought about it, then She said to me “ Did we not agree that you would not as me about my conversations with him?”

“No”, I replied, “We agreed I would not ask to see your conversations with him. But if you want me to not ask anything about your conversations with him then you only need to say so, and I’ll stop asking.

She thought about it some more and then told me to stop talking to her about Her relationship with Dave at all. I am to ask nothing, say nothing, expect nothing. She will tell me everything and anything She wishes to tell me, if anything. Apart from those choices, their relationship will be personal to the two of them, and I will be excluded from it.

Of course I agreed. We are now living like that.

I said to Her that I am glad She is enjoying this new found freedom, and to remember, that She can choose to enjoy similar freedoms and control in any aspect of our relationship that She chooses.

PS: Mistress caned me harder than ever before for my behaviour with Her Crack.

Magic

Hi. We’re back from a great family holiday in Walt Disney World, Florida. Wonderful time we all had. Apologies for the silence – I was too busy behaving even more like a kid than I usually do!

Mistress didn’t take Her Crackberry with Her – She discussed this with Dave before we left, and he told Her that he would not be taking his to Sydney next week when he goes on holiday – so She felt She couldn’t take Hers!

When we got back it took Mistress only 30 minutes to get onto Her Crackberry and start messaging him. Today was Her first day back in the office – apparently they rode the elevator up and down the building three times snogging – Her rubbing his cock and leaving him with a great big hard on!

The fun is over – 2 whole weeks f knowing he can’t touch Her!. Now its over, let the fun the begin…