She is right - I am confused

I didn’t actually give Mistress the open letter yesterday. I had, the day before, talked to Her about my feelings, and told Her how hurt I was to miss those things.

So (note the word ‘so’) this morning in bed She holds my dick before allowing me to go down and eat Her arse. Then while I’m eating Her arse She wanks me some more.

I did feel a little odd – like She was doing it because I had talked about it. Because of this, my cock was not rock hard as it would normally be.

She then tells me to come up and stick it in Her pussy (as She calls it). I do so and am soon panting away. My cock is still not rock hard, though it gets a little harder as She is groaning and appears to be enjoying it. But I can’t get my mind away from a belief that She is doing this because She feels I complained or am not happy; She is doing it ‘for’ me, not ‘for’ Her.

In due course I cum in Her – a very pleasant experience of course – and the day starts.

I now find myself wishing She had not encouraged me to do that. I feel She did it for me and my pleasure, and not for any inherent pleasure of Her own, other than that of pleasing me.

While I miss the spontaneous sex I talked about in my last blog, I am definitely happier having only that sex that She chooses spontaneously to give me.

I’m not sure how or if I will be able to discuss this with Her – She will probably find it a tetchy subject.