Why the letter, and what’s the impact?

I gave Mistress the letter to read in bed on Saturday morning, while I was downstairs making Her tea.

I had taken a while to write it on the Friday afternoon, and I read and re-read it a few times making a few changes before I felt it was presentable. Mostly the changes were to make sure that I was not grovelling or begging for ‘lashings’ of domination.

I was never truly happy that I achieved that – but when I took those sections out, and was just left with the ‘Your Way’ and ‘Not the man You married’ sections, I did not feel that it communicated my true thoughts well enough, so I sent it as you now read it below.

I wanted to achieve three things:-

· Make sure She did not feel that I thought She should be caning me – because I want this only to be Her decision and not something I’ve asked for.

· Make sure She new that I would gladly submit to Her if She did choose to cane me.

· Pledge my commitment to living Her way.

Presenting the letter

I wanted to make sure the letter had no ‘sting’ in it, so handed it to Her and said “I am confused. And I have some things I’d like to to say to you, so I have written them in a letter. I am not sure if it’s the right thing to do, but here you are.”

Then I went down to make the tea.

20 minutes later I was back with the tea, and as She sipped it She thanked me for the letter, and said that She had read it twice, and that it did provide clarity on a few things She had been thinking, and that it was good. I thanked Her.

I lay there worrying about the rather submissive work I had become, and eventually muscled up the guts to ask Her is She was happy to be with the submissive character I had become, and She said yes. Well, I can’t argue with that! In truth, I was quite pleased with it. That was all that came of it Saturday.

Her first overt act

Sunday afternoon the kids were amusing themselves and I was cutting wood outside when Mistress came out and told me to come up and eat Her. I gladly did, duly delivering a shuddering orgasm to Her gorgeous frame as I cupped Her lovely tits and licked Her pussy.

Once She had cum I probed deep and gentle with my tongue, to maintain the sensation while steering clear of Her now sensitive clitoris. Soon She told me to go back to my wood, and I stood by the bed.

Her first man

As I got dressed I explained to Her what I had been thinking about while I ate Her.

A couple of days ago we had been chatting with Her sister who is visiting, about her kids loosing their virginity. This is a topic I never contribute much to, and have never really opened up to Mistress about my own verginity. But following on from the letter I felt a connection which I explained to Her as I stood by Her bed.

As I ate Her pussy, I thought of all the lucky guys She had given access to that lovely space since She first chose to do so – lucky, virile young men, with hard cocks that She had chosen to allow to fuck Her. None of whom will have eaten Her pussy as much as I now did. All of whom will have taken their way with Her by thrusting into that love passage that I now licked and tongued.
I thought of Her as the Goddess that granted them that pleasure, and they the jocks fortunate enough to be granted it.

I on the other hand lost my virginity at the age of 13 to a two-bit hooker. Right through until age 20 or so at university I only ever had sex with hookers (along with copious amounts of wanking). Never in my teens or at all in my life has any lovely virgin allowed me her cherry.

I explained to Mistress how inferior this made me feel – having had sex with hookers, never blessed with access to a lovely teen pussy such as the one She shared with men She chose to share Her with. How inferior this makes me feel. And how this is why I love to hear and marvel and the activities She got up to with the guys She chose to share Her teen body with.

I humbly explained to Her that this was one of the reasons I felt inferior to Her. She accepted my explanation quite gladly.

Before going back downstairs I asked if She would like me to lick Her arse before I went down, and She allowed me this pleasure, spreading Her behind for me to access. I licked and tongued Her before returning to my wood cutting.

Good thing to have written it down

Last night before we slept I said to Mistress that I was still worried to have dumped confirmation of my submission on Her, and asked again how She felt about it.

She said She was fine with it, and was happy that I had chosen to write my feelings down for Her to read.

This morning She kindly allowed me to lick Her arse before getting up and going to the gym.
I do keep reminding myself that the whole point of the letter was not to attract increased domination, but rather to confirm my eagerness to live Her way.

Letter to Mistress

August 2008

Dear Mistress Wife

I want to share some thoughts with you. I am confused and so to try and make it easier for you to understand my thoughts I decided to write them to you in a letter.

Your way

I am writing to You to let You know how much I love You, and to try to explain my love to You and confirm my dedication to You and most of all to confirm that I want to live ‘Your Way’.

I would like to apologise for telling You my fantasy of living in complete servitude to You. I have thought about this and now realise how wrong it was for me to impose my fantasies on You in this way. This was selfish of me.

I have since realised that of course rather than begging You to dominate me, I should have begged You to lead us to live Your way – whatever way You want – without concern for any desire of mine.

I feel that I am lucky and privileged that You choose to be with me, and I should be grateful for this – I am grateful for it - and in recognition of it I should do all I can to make Your life comfortable and happy above all else.

I know – it is obvious - that any man in the world would be madly pleased to have the pleasure of your company, and that I am not deserving of such a privilege. That is why I am so keen to live Your way.

I recognise the extreme privileges You allow me. Just the pleasure of Your company, let alone the more extreme gifts such as the opportunity to see You naked, to touch You, to sleep with You, to eat Your pussy and more, and even to rub my hard cock on You. These are the greatest privileges on earth of which I am not deserving, let alone the extreme privilege that You bestow on me to even touch my cock yourself, and even permit it to enter You. Those privileges I know I do not deserve and am so lucky to be granted.

Not the man You married

I worry because the submissive I have become is not the man You chose to marry. I worry that You chose a dominant and more selfish person, aggressive in bed and demanding of You. I worry that the submissive me is not what You want.

I now see that against this background, especially with You having chosen not to cane me this Year while living “Your way”, it was so wrong and selfish of me to express my desire for Your punishment and Your domination.

If I could turn back time then I would not be a submissive, wanting to serve You. But I cannot turn back time, so all I can do is try to make the most of what I am and what we have now.
I try to make the most of what I am and have now by begging for the opportunity to keep You close to me, and by doing anything and everything to live any way that You choose in order for us to be happy together. Even offering to try to live more as an equal if that is the way You choose.

I am shocked that I have changed from the dominant person I once was, and I can see that this is not fair on You. In my defence all I can say is that I have lived with You many years, and come to recognise in You my Goddess that I wish to exalt, to serve, and to respect.

Whilst I still have every desire to bang my cock into You as hard as possible and as often as possible, I find it disrespectful to expose let alone impose my selfish and crude desires on an angel like You. I simply do not deserve such privilege, and so I humbly defer to Your guidance in all sexual matters and beg You to lead me in ways You choose.

I have changed so much and recognise the unfairness of this change on you. I also recognise that at times you may just want an uncomplicated fuck and sex with a guy who is more dominating and aggressive in bed. While I do undertake to live however You choose, I urge You to seek out Your sexual pleasure wherever You can, and by all means find a lover or lovers who will be more aggressive towards You. I certainly would not begrudge You this, and would be even happier in my service to You to know You were choosing to get Your pleasure in this way.

So why do I beg for Your punishment?

If You choose to punish me for failing to deliver Your expectations, then You reward me by making Your way clearer to me so that I can better serve it. For this I am always most grateful.
I do hate and fear the cane, but I am so very, very grateful when you bestow Your gift of it on me. I know any man would die to serve You, so for You to actually choose to take time out to punish me rather than simply ignoring me or even allowing another man to serve You is a fortunate privilege for me indeed.

Since Your way by definition must be Your way, it cannot be influenced by any of my desires. I recognise unequivocally that I do not deserve the time or energy it takes for You to punish me. Thus any decision to do so can only be Yours and Yours alone.

So I apologise for imposing my desire for punishment on You. That was wrong. Only You should make the choice as to how we live in this respect.

Why do I beg for Your discipline and humiliation?

You could have any man You want, and when You choose to humiliate or discipline me You bestow the greatest gift of Your time and energy purely on me. So I am so grateful if You do choose to discipline or humiliate me.

When we live Your way then any decision to humiliate or discipline me can only be made by You. If You choose to discipline or humiliate me then you humble me to Your desires and Your way, and I am certainly lucky to be humbled in any manner of your choosing and certainly not deserving of such privilege.

Why do I beg You to enjoy other men?

I beg You to enjoy other men because when You choose to enjoy other men then You choose to live Your way.

There can be no greater indication of living Your way than You choosing to enjoy sex with another man (or woman) without me present or involved.

When You choose to have sex with another person, and then return to give me the privilege of Your company once again, then you bestow on me more privilege than I deserve.

I know you could have any man You choose, young or old, rich or poor, to pamper You, care for You and be with You. For You to choose to spend time with me is more privilege than I deserve.
So I beg You to enjoy other men or lovers at every opportunity and in any way that you choose. In doing so You become aware of how sexy and desirable they find You and how sexy and desirable You in fact are. Only when You appreciate how sexy and desirable all men find You can You really appreciate how privileged I am to receive any attention from You, and how subservient to You I should be.

Our recent argument

How do I reconcile all this to our recent argument?

I recognise the error and stupidity of my ways. I apologise, and I beg Your forgiveness and the opportunity to serve You better.

I offer You myself to deal with Your way, whatever that may be, in order to move us forward.
In my dumb simplicity I wish that You choose to thrash me severely after every or any argument we ever have, as a pre-condition to any forgiveness that I beg.

But this takes us full circle – back to me being selfish and begging for the simplicity of punishment. That is obviously wrong – that is the whole point of this letter. I should be able to recognise the error of my ways and improve myself without the need for You to waste Your energies punishing me. And so I do offer to work to mend my ways in any way that You guide me.

I am so sorry I have complicated our lives with my slide into submission. I hope You are still happy to live with me, and I live for Your happiness.

Lots and lots of all my love

Doomsday book

Yesterday I woke up with a rigid hard on, thrusting hard into Mistress’ oh-so-tender, naked but cheeks next to me. I put my arm around Her and cupped Her tender breasts, kneading them lovingly and gently.

Once She was awake I asked if She would like me to eat Her pussy or arse before I went to make the tea, and She had me go down on Her arse.

I licked and tongued at Her for 20 minutes, probing deeply and licking all around Her tender rose before She told me to lay back up. I did so, gently pushing my hard rod into Her tender buttocks again.

She kindly told me I could put it in, provided I did not cum, and I eagerly but gently inserted myself to Her. Hmmmm! Luxury. I pumped gently, wanting to enjoy it for as long as I could given I was not to cum.

After some time She told me I could cum in Her, in exchange for 5 strokes of the cane. I groaned, and asked Her what She wanted me to do – to control myself, or cum and receive the cane. She told me to cum and I did. Thrusting deep inside Her.

As I lay with Her, wondering if She would in fact give me the strokes, She said that She would buy me a book, into which I should record all the strokes I was due, so that She could give them to me at the next opportunity. This sounded ominous. Perhaps She was planning to actually give them to me.

Next day She told me She has bought the book.

When instructed, She says, I am to write in it ‘Dear Mistress, Please give me [insert number] strokes for [insert reason].’

After She has given the strokes She will tear out the page and give it to me to write ‘Thank You Mistress’ on the page.

She went on to say that I must do Her handwash every Friday religiously, or I would get ten strokes.

I think She is serious this time, and my arse will be bleeding again soon.

It is now over 24 hours since She told me about the book, and already my attitude towards Her has improved. I have done more chores and served Her better, just to ensure I do not get punished.

Oral servitude

Last night Mistress had me go down on Her in bed. I did and licked her to loving orgasm. As I did, She was WET. Only two things have made Her this wet in the past – one is when She has sex with another lady, and the other is when She reads lesbian porn while I eat Her. I wondered what thoughts made Her so wet while I licked at Her last night.

As we lay together after, She having decided that I would not cum, She said She had thought about being fucked by two guys at the same time (‘one each end’ as She called it) and also thought about being eaten while She was fucked. She also thought about and made the decision that I would not cum. These three things made Her that wet.

Well, I was lucky, I got to lick Her wet pussy.

She asked how I felt about Her decision that I should not cum. I replied in all honesty that I loved it not because of what the decision was, but because it gave Her pleasure to make the decision, and Her pleasure is all that matters to me.

2008

Life continues to be busy, which partially accounts for my lengthy silence.

We are now more than half way through 2008, living ‘Her Way’ as we agreed to do at the turn of the year. During that time Mistress has chosen not to actually cane me. To give me credit (!) I have not asked her to, nor suggested that She should (not until very recently anyway, but I’ll come to that in a minute).

Only twice in 2008 has She said that She is going to cane me, but She has not actually gone through with it (thank goodness for my arse!).

I no longer call Her ‘Mistress’ to Her face, I now wank occasionally (this morning, for example!) and I would say we actually no longer live a FemDom life. I have even initiated sex with her about twice this year, and no longer ask Her permission to cum.

So I found it interesting/odd last month when, on the eve of my birthday as I got into bed She said “You can have an early birthday present. Go down and eat my pussy!” And I did. Very grateful for my ‘early present’.

I loved the way She told me that it was my treat to eat Her pussy! How weird is that! But She was right – particularly because She granted me the ‘treat’. That made it all the more of a privilege for me.

Once She had cum, she held my throbbing cock briefly in Her fist, and told me that She was not letting me cum, as She preferred me horny. As we slept, She promised to give me 44 strokes of the cane the next day, as a birthday present.

So on my birthday the next day I asked Her if She had really decided to reintroduce the cane to our relationship, and why. She smiled and said She had decided to reintroduce it. She did not explain why. I mused over it.

Later that day we ended up have a HUGE row, and the cane never materialised. We had an enormous blow up, and it took weeks before our relationship returned to anything near normal, which it has now done.

Since the row, all trace of FemDom has gone from our relationship. Mistress has even made the morning tea for us in bed. Only today, for the first time this week, did She ask/tell me to go down and make the tea.

Last night I went out with the boys for a beer. In fact, while we were out we met the sportsman that Mistress used to have a relationship with. (See ‘sportsman’ in my tag cloud for blogs on this relationship).

As we drank the tea I made in bed in this morning, She told me how She had anticipated my return last night, and had plans to make me lick Her arse and make Her cum.

My cock got hard as She spoke, and as I held my cock in bed I told her of my erection as I asked Her if she really planned to make me lick Her arse.

I told Her that these days my cock gets hard every morning thinking about us re-establishing a FemDom relationship. To my surprise She said that She felt the same way, and said that only yesterday as She was wiping Her arse after a shit She questioned why She was doing that Herself and not getting me to lick it clean for Her.

That thought was too much for me, and I confessed to Her that I dreamed of Her deciding to lead us into an even more strict FemDom relationship than we ever had, where She caned me thoroughly for the slightest infraction – particularly for not offering to lick Her arse enough or serve Her in any way.

She expressed some interest in this, and said it worked well for Her, and she was thinking of introducing it.

I said to Her that I would really not want to do it unless it was 110% domination by Her, with ruthless punishment associated with any failure on my part, which I noted in the past She has been reluctant to apply.

She accepted this previous reluctance, but said that She now thought that it actually worked best for Her when we lived like that, and that She did want to reintroduce it.

We shall see. Meantime my cock is hard at the thought. I am sure she will have me lick Her arse tonight.

Happy Birthday

Nearly a month since my last post: I’m sorry folks. Life has been busy, and I’ve been trying to make sure I live real, and not in a fantasy world.

Well, last month Mistress never did give me the canes She had said She would. I was nervous for days, but it never happened. She chose not to do it.

As recently as two days ago She drove up our drive after dropping the kids at school, on Her way in to work, and I thought She had stopped by to cane me. I was terrified. But She had come to pick something up.

I told Her I was scared that She had stopped by to cane me, and She laughed, saying one day She might just do that.

Today being a Friday I have already hand washed all the delicate clothes She left out for me. Since She sentenced me last month I put a weekly reminder on my phone so I never forget – so She didn’t even need to cane me – just the thought of it made me more efficient.

Today is Mistresses birthday. 36, though She still looks 21. Apparently some people in Her office believed it was Her 21st birthday. Worrying!

Anyway, we went to bed after midnight last night, and She chose to have a Birthday orgasm, so told me to go down on Her, which I gladly did, eating Her to a hug orgasm.

She has started to order me down on Her much more recently. Not always waiting for me to offer, which I like. She should enjoy oral sex whenever She wants, not just when I want to offer.

As I licked and sucked Her pussy She said that She was thinking She might re-introduce the cane to celebrate Her birthday year. The idea clearly turned Her on, though, to be honest, She has not chosen to cane me once in 2008 and I think it is unlikely that She will. But the important thing is that the choice is Hers.

After She came She spooned back against my hard on, and I asked for permission to put it in. She kindly allowed me, but instructed me very clearly not to cum, so I did not, though my cock was hard and the pleasure great.

This morning I asked if I could please lick Her arse before getting out of bed. While generally I am less submissive towards Her now that She no longer canes or openly dominates me much, the one thing I do like to do is submissively lick Her arse in bed before Her day starts. I find that such a powerful reminder of Her position in the house should She choose to exercise it.

She gladly allowed me and I licked deep into Her arse, fucking and licking it with my tongue.
Eventually I had to stop and get up to make tea and breakfast, which I reluctantly did. At least the day started right.

Will she reintroduce the cane? I hope so, and I hope not. We shall see.

Sentence

Mistress came two mornings in a row, both huge, shattering orgasms as I nibbled and licked, which in turn gave rise to two occasions on which She told me to cum in Her – so I have been the lucky one.

On Friday I did not get round to doing the hand wash that I am supposed to do, and Mistress has told me I will receive ten extremely hard strokes of the cane while tied down. So hard, She says, that I will never fail to do the wash on a Friday again – at least not without getting Her prior approval first.

I have already become more submissive and subservient to Her since the sentence was pronounced - going out of my way to do the dishes before they inconvenience Her etc. As I said to Her, if She canes me hard enough then I may have to start calling Her Mistress to her face (in private) so as to confirm my subservience and avoid further strokes.

This morning when I was tardy in getting out of bed to make the tea She said that if I did not move She would add two more strokes to the canes She plans to give me later today.

The kids are out all day, so She has every opportunity to return and thrash me any time through the day if She chooses.

My cock is hard with fear.

Still hard

Mistress has enjoyed my oral ministrations every morning this week. Not always choosing to cum – today She had me lick Her arse.

I have not had an orgasm – though yesterday She got me to put it in half way though eating Her, and then return to eating Her before I was allowed to cum.

I discussed Creative Guy’s blog comment (on my Yahoo blog) with Her – and his views that She should not worry Herself about whether I came or not, but should focus purely on Her pleasure, and She liked the idea of that.

On Wednesday night She allowed me to wank in front of Her, and even wanked me a bit Herself, while we surfed the web together shopping for jeans for Her. My cock has been hard ever since – I can’t remember when She last wanked me.

When I do get to cum it will be explosive. I hope She makes me drink it all up after.

Do I want to cum?

This morning rather than ask if Mistress wanted me to eat Her Arse or Pussy I asked if I could please eat Her Arse or Pussy before I got out of bed – I actually wanted the privilege of doing so.

She kindly agreed and had me eat Her arse, which I did carefully and as effectively as I good, sucking deeply and penetrating Her with my tongue.

I wondered whether She would get me to penetrate Her, but She did not, and so I am back downstairs at work with a hard cock again.

I am a bit confused. Do I want to cum? Do I not want to cum? I always want to cum, but I so love that She did not choose for me to cum, did not go out of Her way to make, let or allow me to cum.

Did She decide not to allow me? Or did She decide to allow me to abstain from Cumming? Or did She not think about it at all? I will never know. The answer is only in Her mind.

Orgasm

Mistress kindly allowed me to eat Her to orgasm before we got up this morning. There was no time for or mention of reciprocity, so I find myself feeling quite horny.

Strap on punishment

As Mistress came over me, to take me into Her, She said

“You know I said I was thinking about what punishment to use with you? Well I’ve thought what it is. It is to fuck you with a strap on with no lube. Because it hurts you like hell and makes you cry, and I love it. It really, really hurts you.”

My cock nearly got soft! This is a shocking development. Mistress has a strapon that She hardly ever uses on me – only three or four times in the years She has had it, because when She does use it I scream like a stuck pig.

It is no turn on at all to think of Her ramming that into me without any lube! It hurts like fuck with lube!

I wonder if She is serious. I genuinely don’t want that to happen at all. But if She demands it then I can’t say no – but I really don’t want it!

She would like 'more service'

This morning as Mistress got out of bed and did Her Pilates I lay in bed with my hard on in my hand and decided to talk to Her – I asked if She was happy with our relationship, particularly with the FemDom aspect of it, and happy that we were living ‘Her Way’ as She wanted.

She said that actually She wanted to make a few changes – in particular to increase the FemDom aspects, especially with me serving Her better - but that She had not had time to make the changes yet because She was too busy. She also said She wanted to introduce some sort of punishment regime for poor service, but had not yet decided what that regime would be.

I asked whether She has decided against the cane as a form of punishment, and She said no, She had not decided.

She asked if I was happy with our relationship and the FemDom side of it, to which I responded that my desires were not really relevant and that all that mattered was what She wanted. But, I said, if She wanted to take my opinion into account at all, not that She should, then as far as I was concerned the more FemDom the better, and more important it should be Her Way.

She said She would talk to me more about it this evening, so we shall see.

Fantasy Aunt

My Wife’s niece is 18 years old, just about to start university. She uses my Wife as an adult sounding board, and greatly values Her guidance on boys, relationships and sex (I believe She is still actually a virgin – but obviously at her age she is thinking about it).

After my chat with my Wife this morning I am now having this great fantasy where She tells Her niece that I eat Her arse or pussy (at Her choice) each morning, and expect nothing in return, and that she (Her niece) should set a similar standard with her men – ensuring they put her needs first and never request or expect any sexual favours in return, unless initiated by her.

The idea of my niece knowing I am such a freakily sexually submissive husband is as much a turn on as knowing that in her is a budding female dominant.

In my opinion if all girls were taught to rule men from a young age they would find it so much easier to do so as they mature, and the world would be a better place for it.

Serving Her Way

Mistress was kind enough to allow me to eat Her arse this morning before She got out of bed. She obviously really enjoys it, because She had me down there for ages before She got up. I licked, tongued and sucked, fucking Her arse with my tongue as much as I could.

When She had had enough She got out of bed and did Her Pilates while we chatted – I shared with Her my fantasy that Her friends know that I offer to and lick Her arse or pussy every morning, and what they would think if they new. She expressed the view they would think She is a lucky girl. She asked what my male friends would think if they knew, and proceeded to answer the question Herself – that they would conclude I was a submissive, with which I agreed.

I told Her that I found it particularly exciting that teenage girls, who’s men friends are constantly requesting sex from them, should know that I lick Her arse or pussy every day without any (other) pleasure myself, so that they could learn that they don’t have to give in, and can have things there way from as early an age as possible. I reminded Her of when I first licked Her arse about 12 years ago, when She was a 22 law student, before we were married.

On Fridays I now take the kids to school – so Mistress will not be stopping by to cane me on Fridays. I don’t think She is going to cane me again – but I choose to serve Her anyway and gain joy from doing that – for if She chooses not to cane me then that is Her privilege as well. I must live with and enjoy Her choice.

Eating

Mistress picked me up yesterday without any suggestion of canning me first.

As I woke, erect, this morning I lay cuddling Her and asked if She would like me to eat Her arse or pussy before She got up. She said She needed to pee and went to the bathroom to do so. I heard Her in there, and hoped that She would have a shit as well, returning to give me Her arse to clean, and waited with excitement to see. She may even choose to just get on with Her day and not allow me the pleasure of eating Her.

As She returned She locked the bedroom door – an obvious indication She would have me eat Her – got into bed and told me to eat Her pussy. I did so to glorious orgasm, wondering what She thought over the five minutes or so it took Her to reach bliss.

She crashed through Her orgasm groaning and I licked and sucked Her out to bring Her down. As she came back I asked if She would like me to lick Her arse which she consented to.

I dipped my tongue lower to Her rose hole, pushed her legs up to Her chest and licked Her arse as She relaxed.

She ordered me up and lay by Her while She decreed it time to wake up and sent me to make tea, erect and without any orgasm of my own. I was delighted and privileged to send Her out on Her day with the arm glow of morning glory.

I am so glad She chose not to let me cum.

Orgasm

I went up to bed as hard as iron, having just read this story here (A Governess for Richard) which I loved.
As I climbed into bed, my stiffie poking out Mistress lay next to me and asked why I was so excited.
I explained how the orphan boy had been trespassing and caught swimming naked by the girls, and how they had chosen to punish him so ruthlessly.
To my delight She got quite caught up in the fantasy and had me finger and then penetrate Her (I hesitate to use the word ‘fuck’ because it was at Her pleasure more so than mine, though I off course did delight in the act myself) Her to orgasm, permitting me to come deep in Her myself.
This morning She has taken the kids to school. Her car is in the garage so She will be coming home to get me to drop Her off at work.
Since the day She first expressed a desire to re-introduce the cane this will be the first time we are in the house alone. I wonder if She will choose to use it. My guess is not, but I am glad that the choice over what to do is Hers.

'Her Way' continues to evolve

Since the start of the year and Mistresses decision to live Her way I have never been punished, caned or admonished for poor behaviour or service – and much of the standard service I used to provide I no longer do.

I still do most of the laundry, but I don’t put clothes away at all (I hate putting clothes away!), I always make tea in bed and breakfast in the mornings and I do most of the washing up and tidying up but no longer do all of it. And Mistress no longer instructs me to provide ad hoc services – such as a cup of tea. She might ask me to make her one, which I always do, but She does not order me to.

A few weeks ago I was down there eating pussy when Mistress decreed that all this would have to change, and that I must offer to eat Her pussy and arse more, and serve Her better. She said I was to start calling Her ‘Mistress’ in private again, and serving Her better, and/or She would start caning me severely.

She told me that as we went off on our holiday She would expect me to serve Her submissively and She would give me a code word She would be able to use in public to mean that I had not served Her submissively or well enough and to make a note ready for punishment on our return home.

In fact Mistress did not actually give ma a code word and did not make further reference to this conversation again – so none of those things have yet come to pass.

I do still offer to (and indeed do actually) eat Her pussy and arse according to Her preference, and I hope that one day this will lead to a re-introduction fo the cane to ensure Her Way is as She wants. But I am not going to ask for or go out of my way to encourage this as I want any decision to do so to be Her and Hers alone.

I don’t really want to face the cane again – I fear it – but I yearn to serve Her submissively and would welcome any stimulus that makes me a better submissive – especially harsh, painful punishment.

I’ll keep you posted.

Going down

I have been suffering a case of ‘man flu’ for the past 3 or 4 weeks, making me quite tired and lethargic, and having quite a negative effect on our sex life.

I know Mistress has been missing Her regular attention, as She reaches for my limp cock at night, and laments that She looks forward to my full recovery.

So last night when we went to bed a little early, and with me feeling a little better, I offered to go down on Mistress. Earlier in bed we had been talking about this story I had enjoyed on Lierotica, especially the bit where JD and Ray get hard in the lifeboat. Hmm, what a fantasy!

So having titillated Mistress with that tale, She was in the mood for some sex, and I quite rightly felt that She deserved my oral attention rather than an offer of a fuck, and the important thing was pleasure for Her.

She gladly and immediately accepted that I eat Her pussy and I went down to do so.

I luxuriated around with me tongue and She soon came to a crashing orgasm, pulling my mouth hard into Her thighs as She groaned with ecstasy. Holding me there for a few minutes after to lick Her clean.

As I came up She turned Her arse to me, obviously contemplating whether or not to give me any. She decided to, and told me to put it in Her slowly, which I did. As I did, She said ‘And if you don’t do my hand washing tomorrow, then you will get strokes for it.” I replied ‘Thank You, Mistress” and proceeded to insert it as instructed.

Following on from the threat of strokes I was not sure if She wanted me to cum and so asked for clarification. She confirmed I should, and talked me through the fuck method She wanted as I Came deep inside Her.

A great night’s sex.

Quiet but interesting

Things have been quiet but interesting since my last post. There has been virtually no reference, explicit or implied, to any FemDom relationship. I have continued to serve Mistress in many ways – I still do 99% of the chores – laundry, washing up, make the breakfast etc – though there is this big different ‘her way’ where she now does it the 1% of the time without complaining, and there is no talk of punishing me if things are not done in any particular way.

Yet there are strange undertones of it in our lives. For my Valentines card I got a very detailed little card from Mistress about how lucky She was to have me, which She followed up with a note to say that what the card says was true. I read into it Her joy that She had a man that held Her in such esteem and put Her first. So She is happy to have me put Her first, but I guess only Her way. OK.

And then at times I get instructions – for example to go and make Her tea, while she sits and reads a magazine. Clear domination. Of course I do as instructed.

So its all rather odd. Are we living FemDom or not?

I am happy with our relationship – so is She. So I’m not complaining. But I am certainly fascinated. Will it ever lead to punishment? Do I want it to? I am very happy not being caned. My arse is on holiday…

Cleaning

Mistress kindly allowed me to lick and suck Her arse clean for Her before we woke up this morning.

In the absence of any domination from Her I am glad to be able to indicate my submission to Her in this way.

I find it fascinating that She welcomes my anal attentions so willingly. Either the physical stimulation feels very good (I do try!) and/or the psychological trip of having me down there is a hummer.

Either way, I am glad of the opportunity.

Threat

Last night Mistress threatened to cane me for the first time this year; the ‘Her Way’ year. She was telling me that the laundry that needed hand washing was building up and that I should deal with it, or She would give me strokes. Needless to say the washing is now done and hanging up to dry.

The night before we were talking in bed about me licking Her arse. She observed that She had not had a shower since her last shit, and told me to go down on Her, which I gladly did, licking, sucking, and pushing my tongue into Her arse hole.

After She had cum, playing with Her pussy as I licked Her arse, She let me in to Her. As I fucked She asked what I was thinking, and I answered, quite truthfully, that I was hoping She had enjoyed me licking Her so much that She had decided to give me two strokes of the cane on any and every day that I did not lick Her arse first thing in the morning.

She loved the idea of this and groaned, thrusting back into me to draw out my orgasm.

I think that’s why She threatened me with the cane the next day. But I shall still not ask for it, as I do not want it other than Her Way.

Double Jeopardy

Last night we stayed up late watching ‘Double Jeopardy’ (what a hot punani Ashley Judd is! I struggled to keep my tongue in!). So it was 1 am before we got to bed.

My cock was hard, but I doubted I would get any action at that time of night. I snuggled up naked to Mistress, my protuberance sticking into Her arse and we went to sleep – I didn’t even offer to eat Her, and she did not touch my cock despite its protuberant nature.

This morning it was, of course, hard again. Again I poked it into Her as we lay together, and again She did not touch or acknowledge it. Eventually I relented and went for the only sex I would get: I offered to eat Her arse or pussy. She chose Her arse and I went down on Her, licking deep and pushing in for Her (and my!) pleasure.

When She’d had enough She got out of bed to do Her Pilates. Confirming that this is after all Her way. I wonder what else it bodes. Clearly it involves limited orgasms for me.

I am fascinated that after all the blow outs and arguing we’ve had in the last month She clearly wants to dominate me still. I wonder if or when She’ll reach for the cane.

My offer to eat Her this morning is the closes I’ve come to ‘seducing Her dominant nature’ this year. I didn’t do it to seduce Her dominance. I did it because I wanted the sex act with Her. I maintain that I will not seduce Her dominant nature. I will simply permit Her whatever She wants, Her way.

Misimpression?

I’ve been pondering my last post.

It’s not that Mistress does not order me around this year – As I said, She did tell me to go and make Her tea while She read a magazine. And once She told me to go down on Her (but then allowed me to cum hard inside Her after She had cum).

When Her shoes or boots are clean She still leaves them in the utility room for me to clean, and She leaves her hand wash laundry under my sink for me to deal with – so there is still a fair deal of dominance going on (My cock is getting hard thinking how much there still is going on…!)

But on the other hand I’ve stopped putting away the laundry. I hated doing that, and if She’s not going to tell me that I have to do it now we’re living Her way, then I’m not about to volunteer…..

So it’s actually quite interesting stuff, and since I’m not going to ask for punishment, if She decides to introduce it then it will be Her Way because She wants to influence me, which is of course the only punishment I welcome.

There we go…

2008 - "Your Way"

Mistress and I had chat about our relationship as the new year approached. The long and the short of it was She felt I had expectations of Her in my FemDom fantasies that She was not comfortable with. She said She felt I had ‘read too much’ and developed an expectation of ‘how it should be’.

I asked Her how She wanted to live, what She wanted to do – She said She wanted things to work her way.

I explained to Her that in fact I did not read any FemDom literature, because other people’s fantasies did not interest me much – I was more concerned with us being happy.

I said I had no expectations at all, and that She should not worry about this, but lead as She chose.

We agreed to think about it.

After a day or two’s thought the idea came to me, and I suggested to Her that our motto for 2008 should be ‘2008 - Your Way’ where we would do everything Her Way, whatever that was, not ‘my way. She was delighted with this idea, and so we agreed, for Her the motto was ‘My Way’. For me, the motto is ‘Her Way’.

Since then I have consciously withdrawn all submissive behaviour from the old style, and started to live a vanilla life, waiting for Her lead to guide me in Her Way.

This year I have even initiated sex once, leading to penetration and orgasm. She expressed shock that I had cum without permission, but I said nothing, allowing Her to lead Her Way – and She chose to drop it.

She has since allowed me to cum in Her after She initiated sex, but on that occasion I did ask if She wanted me to cum in Her.

She has not caned me this year – I have certainly not encouraged Her to, and neither will I.
At times I get the impression She wants a vanilla life. But last night after we had eaten I was watching the news after a busy day, and She was reading Her magazine, She asked/instructed me to go and make Her tea, which I gladly did. (Of course in the old days I would have offered to make Her tea every day at this time or been punished for it).

Then this morning my cock was hard and I pushed against Her and massaged Her tits, when She told me to sleep – meaning ‘leave off the sex’, which I immediately did.

My cock has not been getting as hard this year. The absence of a clear FemDom structure has impeded my libido considerably.

I find it quite confusing at times. There are times I have thought that if She asks me to present myself for the cane then I shall refuse, as we do not live a FemDom life any more, so why should I suffer the cane? But then there are times that I of course miss it, and would be very excited at the idea of Her caning me ‘Her Way’.

My concern would be that She canes me because She thinks She is doing me a favour. That I would not like, as the cane hurts and it does me no favours at all if that pane is not for Her glory.
Interesting new year.

I think it’s just a matter of time before She does cane me, and that will be an interesting turning point. In the meantime I live vanilla and await Her guidance on Her Way.

Tension

I was pleasantly surprised when Mistress ordered me down to lick Her arse while She wanked Herself to orgasm. I was pleased that She was sufficiently comfortable to do this, and delighted in Her wetness.

In due course Mistress got quite carried away and told me to penetrate Her which I gladly did, though telling me not to cum and aught to stop, but cum dribbled out as I pulled out of Her, and She told me to put it back in for another 15 strokes. I fucker Her hard for a while, but my orgasm was messed up and I did not actually cum properly as well.

Next day we had a huge argument about the kids and things have not been the same since. The does seem to happen within 24 hours of an orgasm.

We have nearly made up, but as Mistress observed this morning (after She had to go down and get the laundry to put away) there is a tension in the air over our FemDom ‘thing’ as She called it, which is not working.

What am I to do? I find it stupid to tell Her that I don’t want to play the game if She’s not serious about it – I’m not playing a game – to me it is real, so how can I be asked to set the rules for a game where She is the boss and I the slave? I’m not going to invite Her to start punishing me again – that must be Her choice. I will just be polite, kind, helpful and submissive. It’s up to Her how She chooses to respond.

Sydney guy

One of my readers was kind enough to share his fantasy with me:

Luv looking at the pics. Like to think of your wife lying on your bed with her legs wide. You shave her pussy for her, as I watch, sitting in in a chair naked. You the rub oil over her pussy for, you see her glisten. She then smiles and asks me if I am ready. Here boy. embarrassed in front of your wife you come over and suck me, begging me to please your wife because you can't. I stand and walk over and get on the bed. your wife has you run my cock up an down her slit as she almost cums immediately. you then push my cock into her, I fuck her hard as you watch. your wife cums and again and again as you lie beside us playing with your cock. I pull out and spray my cum all over your slut face. Your wife and I laugh at you as we hold each other.

My response…..

Hmmm. My cock got hard at the idea of that!

I would kneel in front of you as you stood from your chair, and lower my mouth onto your cock to lick and suck it to make it hard, ready for the two of you to enjoy.

Once you have cum I would immediately go down on you, unasked, and lick and suck you both clean until told to stop.

Some times you would get hard as I suck you clean, and you would continue to cuddle her and play with Her tits and arse as you allow me to make you cum in my mouth before you kick me off the bed and lie back to sleep together.

It continues

It was another night and morning of not having a hard cock to rub against Mistress last night. And the cleaner is in today, so it was not for fear of strokes, but must have been for the change in our relationship.

I offered my oral services this morning none the less, and She invited me to lick Her pussy.
I did not dare not offer, least She punish me for it as well.

Thanks to the guys for comment and advice on my last post.

I've never liked the idea a 'play scene' and have always advocated full submission - as I thought had She. Hence, for example, we've never had a safe word.

If Mistress does choose to cane me tomorrow, Her usual day for it, then I can imagine the thump of the cane will really ring home into me non-erotic state arse.

Confused state of affairs...

The week has been busy and Mistress has still not had time, or the inclination, to punish me. I’m not complaining. I try not to wait in fear but to get on with things – though this is easier said than done!

But our relationship has become a little strained in the past couple of days.

Sunday night as I whispered my submission to Her in bed Mistress asked why I felt that way. I said I just did. (It was only thinking about it afterwards that I thought of Estragon’s various explanations – the presence of my cock and balls, and Her feminine charms is actually my favoured rationale for this strange, otherwise quite inexplicable state of affairs….)

Then on Monday morning, sat in bed having my tea wanking my cock with Mistress’ permission while I watched Her do Pilates I had a little accidental spillage. Certainly not a full orgasm, but a steady little dribble of creamy white liquid. I did not tell Mistress – I did not regard it as a proper orgasm, and did not want to incur Her wrath.

Monday night Mistress was out late and I was home at work at my desk. Mistress chose to go up to bed and instructed me to take Her tea in bed at 9.45. I got immersed in my work and completely forgot until I heard Her coming down at 10pm…

She informed me that I would get ten strokes for not bringing Her tea, on top of the 25 She had decide to give me after my good behaviour over the weekend. She asked me what I thought of that. I replied, rather abruptly, that I was sorry I had forgotten Her tea, but I was completely immersed in work that I’d rather not be doing at ten at night, and if She thought punishment was in order for me then that was of course Her prerogative.

Mistress was not happy with my reply and looked at me puzzled, commenting that I was weird, and kept sending Her mixed signals. I think She wanted me to gladly embrace the prospect of Her whacking my arse with a big, heavy cane, rather than perhaps merely accepting Her decision as it is.

There is obviously a catch 22 here – I welcome Her discipline, punishment and training, only in so far as it makes me a better slave – more like one She wants. I don’t welcome it for any other reason. It hurts and I am only human and will do all I can to avoid the pain!

Since then my cock not been properly hard – fear of pending strokes, not being happy with Mistress, and perhaps the accidental spillage, although that would not account for a soft cock three days later…

This morning my cock was not hard in bed. Being a Wednesday there was to be no cleaning lady in the house and I anticipated that if Mistress was happy I could well be for it. Plus, we were not happily bonding, so my cock stayed soft mostly.

I still offered to lick Her arse or pussy before getting out of bed and She accepted my tongue into Her arse without any hesitation.

It’s all rather confusing. I am not going to encourage Her to cane me because I think it’s a game. If She thinks I need punishment or discipline I will accept Her decision. And, provided the punishment is hard enough and the reasons for it are made clear to me, I will of course learn from the process.

But if She does not believe in Her entitlement and right to cane me, then I’m not going to invite meaningless pain down o myself for the fun of it.

Today

I am going to get my punishment today some time. It is making it difficult to focus on work, as Mistress could come home any time, but at least once its done it will be done and I can start afresh.

Begging for mercy

Full Circle

This morning as I lay in bed naked contemplating the beautiful woman next to me giving me 50 vicious strokes of the cane later today my cock grew hard. This is unusual – normally on a Friday morning I do not get hard, as I am scared of the impending punishment or discipline.

But today the thought of 50 was so scary, so submissive, so domineering, that I actually got hard. I am hard now just thinking about the power and fear of it. So I have come full circle.

As I thought about it I alternated between hard and soft. I am of course due, and do deserve, all 50, as hard as Mistress can lay them on, if She decides that I deserve them, but my! What a prospect.

I decided not to pretend I was up to it, and begged for Her mercy. As I clutched and massaged Her gorgeous boobs, I supplicated myself before Her, swore my eternal submission, and begged for any opportunity to do anything, not mater how humiliating or degrading, to prove Her superiority to me and my inferiority to Her and so avoid the punishment.

Mistress has a busy day planned today. A coffee morning, then some work, then a waxing. Life’s hard at the top. She decided She would struggle to fit in my caning as well, and so decided She will administer it on Monday. Until then She has most graciously given me the opportunity to demonstrate my submission and service to her. If I serve Her proactively and well enough, at Her sole discretion, then She has said She will only give me 25 and not the full 50 I am due.

She is generous in Her mercy, and so wise. My service to Her is already so much better since She pronounced the punishment, it would be wrong not to administer at least some of it, to make sure I am quite aware of Her power over me, and the need to serve Her better. I am grateful for Her wisdom and mercy, and shall scheme my way into serving Her to the uttermost through the weekend and into the future.

Of course it occurs to me, indeed I do hope, that in raising the bar through the weekend, I establish a new standard of service that She then insists I maintain – my submission and Her dominance growing stronger.

Text exchange

slave to Mistress, Cock big and hard, 9:58am: Hello Mistress. Your slave does not want to encourage (or discourage) You in any way, but Your cock is big and hard thinking that you might actually give Your slave 50 punishment strokes. Thank You for Your mercy Mistress.

Mistress to slave, 10:23am: Don't thank me for mercy....u won't be getting any come sometime 2morrow morning ! xx

Overdue - nail bighting

Mistress has enjoyed orgasms and arse licking and is in a good mood. I on the other hand remain terrified and it is affecting my every day life.

I apologised to Mistress for this, telling Her that I lived in constant fear of Her promise of 50 strokes of the cane, and that it was affecting my every waking moment. She was delighted.

I asked if She still planned to actually go through with it, and She confirmed that She most certainly was going to go through with it, but just had not had the time or opportunity, but that I will be getting all 50 of them.

I was out in London yesterday all day. When I got home the dish washer was still full, the laundry sill on the line ready to come down, the ironing was waiting to be put away, Mistress had left Her boots out to be polished, and Her hand washing was sat there needing doing.

As soon as I walked in I scurried around doing all those jobs before I even sat down. Mistress on the other hand sat with the kids and read Her magazine.

I did not dare leave any of these jobs to this morning because I know Her – She will award me additional punishment if She chooses to, and will apply them all on the same day. The thought of 50 strokes pounding into my arse is terrifying – 25 more would make me flip.

Tingle

My arse is still tingling from the canes I got weeks ago. This new cane is far more effecient than the only one.

My cock too is tingling at the thought of when Mistress will choose to use it again and to what end.

Talking

After our brief IM chat yesterday I had hoped that Mistress might elaborate on Her thinking during the evening, but She did not bring it up, and so neither did I (I don’t want to encourage Her to cane me). We did actually go out last night, so there wasn’t much time to talk.

My cock actually gets hard at the thought of what She said. The thought that She really will, literally, whip me into shape – mould me into Her desire. God that would be so disgustingly selfish of Her. I love it. And it is so right. It is so what I want.

My cock is getting hard now just thinking about it. The thought that next time we have weekend guests or plans I will literally be running around full of fear, making sure the laundry is done properly and put away immediately, or I will be caned severely for it is soooo horny.

I am determined that I will not encourage Mistress to cane me at all. But I must report my hard ons to Her, and so have reported to Her that this memory has made me hard. Oh my goodness. The thought that She has decided to be stricter Herself, and will actually carry it through fills me with fear, excitement and dread – but makes my cock hard! I must be mad!

Needless to say I did all the laundry very efficiently yesterday, and put it all away before Mistress got home. She must have noticed.

What's that about?

Mistress Wife says:
hello u slave boy
Mistress Wife says:
wanted to quickly say that I am sorry I've been grouchy lately and instead of being grouchy with you when things are not right. I'll just have to train you better
Mistress Wife says:
I'll crack my whip and be a tougher mistress
Sub Hubby says:
Hmmm
Mistress Wife says:
what do you mean hmmmmm?
Sub Hubby says:
Well, I would say Thank You Mistress, but why say that to someone who is promising to thrash you?
Mistress Wife says:
thank me as it will make you a better slave so less thrashing in future
Mistress Wife says:
gotta run anyway, so talk later xx
Sub Hubby says:
Yes Mistress. Enjoy. Bye. xx

Queening it

Mistress had a pedicure yesterday, so did not get home in time to deal with me. So my arse stays soft another day – but I don’t like this waiting. I’d prefer to get it over and done with.

I think She is revelling in the power. Last night She was sat on the chaise lounge having just eaten and as I cleared away Her plate She told me to pass Her the magazines under the coffee table so She could browse them while I made Her tea and tidied up. Needless to say I did just that. Isn’t She the lucky one!

This morning Mistress did not let me lick Her arse, so our day started without the usual balance that reassures me. Maybe She will let me eat Her tonight.

The fear is here

On Thursday morning as we lay in bed Mistress drew my hard cock forward into Her! I was shocked! Delighted! I did my best to do as She said and not cum, freezing as I approached the edge, but I think I dribbled a few times. She then told me to bang hard into Her until I came, but by then my cock was too mixed up, and I was able to bang, but not to cum. How frustrating! A month since my last orgasm.

This weekend we had a house guest, which interfered with my usual laundry and dishes cycle. Mistress was furious and has sentenced me to 25 strokes for not doing the laundry properly, and 25 for not doing the dishes. We spoke about it this morning again and She is genuinely cross. The fear I wanted is here – I am terrified She is going to literally bust my ass! The fear is here and I don’t like it.

She had me eat Her to orgasm last night. This morning I offered to eat Her before I got out of bed. Often She does not allow me if She has cum the night before but this morning She did allow me to lick her tender, smooth arse. I did so as well as I could, hoping to attract some smidgen of mercy.

Mistress will be back from the gym soon. I will be surprised to sleep without a bleeding arse today.

Who are my blogger readers

Dear Reader - Yes! You!

I am fascinated about who you are. Who reads these ramblings?

Please leave a comment, anything, so I can get a handle on it.

Thank you.

sub hubby

On the rack

Thursday night Mistress had had me stimulate Her with Her rabbit. She wrenched hard on both my nipples throughout the process, causing me real pain that She seamed to enjoy. Occasionally She slapped my face too, though not so hard as to hurt.

Mistress has never caused me pain so apparently for Her own pleasure before, and I was very pleased at this development. Three days later my nipples are still painful.

After a while She took the rabbit Herself and had me go down and like Her arse while She brought Herself off with the rabbit. It was a very dominant session.

Friday morning Mistress then punished me for not having offered to make Her tea.

She told me to go up and prepare myself, and told me to make sure I brought the big cane.

After Thursday’s bedroom violence I was a little worried, but to my surprise She gave me ten for not offering to make Her tea, and only 5 for disputing my entitlement to punishment. So I feel I got away lightly.

Friday morning Mistress had to run down to the utility room to get some clothes from the drying line – I forget exactly what – but I was fully expecting another 20 for causing Her to interact with laundry, so my overwhelming feeling at 15 was that I was getting away lightly.
That said, Mistress hit me harder than ever before, and my arse still sparkles today.

Friday night we had a bit of a blowout and I got very cross with and raised my voice to Mistress. As we went to bed She was fuming, and said She would be giving me ten strokes for that. She has never before sentenced me while angry, and I see this as a positive development.

She asked if I thought I deserved to be punished for my outburst, and I responded that I felt I should be punished if She thought I should be punished – I decided to follow jackie’s advice and not invite punishment on myself, but wait to see what happens.

In truth though my outburst was appalling and I do actually deserve a thorough thrashing for it. If I was to be honest with Mistress I would say that I deserve to be tied down and given some warm up strokes first – just to let Her work out how hard it is possible to hit my arse when trying to cause maximum pain.

Having established how hard She can do it, Mistress should then cane me at least as hard as that for as long as and until She absolutely believes that I have learned my lesson and will be more submissive in future.

I am struggling not to have this conversation with Her, but I do think She should decide how to discipline me and not have me tell Her what I think…

Offer! Offer! Offer!

As is well chronicled here (some would say obsessively!) every morning I offer to eat Mistress’ pussy or arse before getting out of bed to make Her tea. And every morning She chooses one or the other for me to eat – more often than not She chooses Her arse, but this morning She chose Her pussy. When She has had Her pleasure She orders me out of bed.

Mistress has never once ordered me down on Her in the morning – I have always offered – and She has only once ever said no.

Sometimes I debate whether to offer or not, but since She always accepts and enjoys it, and canes me less the more I eat Her, I don’t generally mess about – I offer every day.

Last night after support I learned a lesson about offering. Once Mistress and I were done with our food we sat back in the sitting room and chatted away about this and that. From time to time I nearly offered to make Her Her usual cups of peppermint tea and hot water, but the conversation was always racing, and I never actually got round to it.

Eventually, when the conversation paused, Mistress picked up the remote and fired up the telly. As She did, She said that She will cane me ten strokes for not offering to make Her tea.

I argued against this – She was driving the conversation; She had turned on the telly. If She wanted tea at any time, all She had to do was ask and I would jump, so why punish me for it?
Mistress condescended and agreed not to punish me, and I ran off to make Her tea.

By morning I could see the stupidity of my argument. If She felt punishment was due for not offering then of course that punishment was due.

So as we lay in bed, before I went down on Mistress, I offered up this view – with apologies, I was wrong and of course She was right and should indeed punish me.

Mistress had obviously had the same thought. She immediately agreed, and added that arguing otherwise was itself a punishable offence for which She would also cane me. I thanked Her for this wisdom, and apologised for my madness.

In choosing to ‘only’ give me ten, Mistress is recognising that She is going to use the ‘big daddy’ cane. If She were using the small one She’d have given me 20 or 30, so this is going to be bad for me – I’m sure She will give me at least another 10 if not 20 for disputing the punishment, so in all I’ll get 20 – 30 punishment strength strokes with the big daddy. My cock is both hard and soft with fear at the thought.

But the moral of the story is clear – I should have offered to get the tea before She asked. Of course I should – what do you think I’ll do today? I’ll offer of course. And that is the whole point.

And it was right to offer up to Her that She was right all along. I deserve to suffer for my stupidity, without which I will never learn.

Mistress wasted no time, stopping by today on Her way through to administer the punishment. But I was on a lengthy work call, and so She left without giving it, but it will obviously come soon.

I am lucky – my arse would be on fire now if I had not been on the ‘phone, but at least the waiting would be over. I don’t like the waiting.

Waiting

Luckily for me Mistress did not choose to instil fear in me yesterday, but we just relaxed and had a good time together.

I have observed before that this illustrates so well how She is a better person than me. Even with the opportunity of slavery and submission She still chooses to let me have fun rather then simply increasing my submission and service to Her, which is what I’d be tempted to do in Her place.

She has still never suggested to me what I should do to improve the quality of Her life (apart from make more money!) even after me asking three or four times. I guess She figures I have enough going on in my life without needing to be burdened by Her likes and dislikes. This is so generous of Her. Not many people would make that choice.

This morning I enjoyed my naked cuddle before we got up. I resolved not to offer to eat Her unless She asked, but as usual relented and offered. If I don’t offer, then I’m not putting Her first. She accepted, and I sucked and licked Her arse before getting out of bed.

Watching Her dress in the morning is such a pleasure – what a body. Hmmmm hmmmm!
It is nearly a month since I last came – inside Mistress without permission. We spoke about it this morning, and I observed to Mistress that if I had not cum in Her, it would have been 2 months! As I said, I used to cum every day!

She asked what I thought about that, and I replied that if it made Her at all happy then it was good for me, and that I did feel that not being allowed to cum made me a better submissive. She agreed that I am more submissive, and so should not, generally, be allowed to cum.

I wonder how long She will leave it. Will She allow me to cum more than 6 times a year? Less than 6 times? Maybe once or twice a year? I am grateful that She makes me even miss my orgasms, and in many ways, the longer I abstain at Her choice, the happier I am.

Fear

Mistress has just come home from Her pedicure. She is sat watching telly while Her nails dry.
I helped unpack Her Gym bag, took it up to our dressing room, put the dirty gym clothes in the laundry, made Her a cup of green tea and a yoghurt before excusing myself to come back to work.

She was being very dominant while telling me what to do – equally, I was being very submissive. I already fear Her, there is no point in not pretending I don’t and so attracting some canes.

I’m sure She has thought about whether or not to cane me this afternoon. I am equally sure that if She does then it will be designed to cause the fear we have talked about, and will probably be the hardest caning I have ever had. Oh my goodness. What have I wrought?

My 19th hole

Saturday morning Mistress kindly allowed me to go and play golf with my usual buddies. I tired after 9 holes (which has never happened to me before!) and decided to come home early.

I walked in the house to find all my girls going about their thing and gladly joined them.

The first thing I noticed on walking it was the huge pile of washing up on the sideboard. The dishwasher was on – Mistress must have put it on after I left for golf – I had loaded everything apart from Her team cup into it before I went.

Mistress had cooked and served lunch for all of them, and left me to do the washing up. In addition, the washing machine had run the was I fired off before I left, and last nights washing that I had hung out was dry. So I had to put away the dry clothes, hang out the wet ones, empty the dish washer and hand wash and put away all the other dishes.

Over the week I had been putting in a lot of work hours so also had not had time to do the hand wash garments which had build up, including a number of Mistresses lacy bras. So when I was done with the other stuff I did the hand wash too.

I happily got stuck in all these chores, quite glad I had left the golf course early, otherwise it would have been a struggle to find the time.

-0-

That night when we went to bed my cock was hard and Mistress asked me what I was thinking about.

I explained to Her that the longer I went without an orgasm the hornier I got, and the more submissive towards Her, and the more I wanted Her to dominate and hurt me.

I said that I was having two particular fantasies – one was that She started to punish me more – for any and all misdemeanours, even the most trivial, and that She punished me harder – more strokes of the cane and harder strokes of the cane. I explained to Her that the longer I went without orgasm, the more I wanted to fear Her, and that ideally the first emotion to cross my mind when I think of Her should be fear – not love or desire, but fear that She would choose to punish me.

Mistress was turned on by my confession, and had me finger Her pussy while I talked, writhing and squirming under my touch.

It is so true that over the past few days and weeks I have become obsessed with this fantasy of a more strict Mistress. I have read on a number of blogs about this trait that I share with so many other submissive men. Why do we always want more domination, when the Ladies do not want to be more dominant? I don’t know. But I had resolved not to burden Mistress with my fantasies of ‘more’, but then She did ask, so I told Her…

I asked Her if the idea turned Her on, and She said it did, and that it was right and good that I should I fear Her. I wonder though whether She will try to institute that fear in me. I hope not for my own sake!

The other fantasy to which I confessed is a horrible one. At present when Mistress canes me She ties me to the bed. I buckle ropes to my wrists and ankles, and Mistress slips them over our 4 poster bed (pictures at the bottom of the page). So once Mistress starts caning me, I can’t get up , turn round, cover myself or do anything other than squirm and cry until She releases me. At least this way I do not have to voluntarily lie there, which definitely makes it easier for me to take my punishment.

So I explained to Her that my other fantasy was that She started to train me to take my strokes without being tied down, and to do this She gave me one very hard stroke every day on my naked arse, kneeling unrestrained in front of Her. In my fantasy She continued to do this until I got used to it, and then graduated to two strokes a day and so on, until I finally got used to it and was able to kneel and take all my punishment without needing to be tied.

Mistress enjoyed listening to my fantasy, and said it was good for Her to know what I was thinking. She had me go down to eat Her, and even chose to take my cock into Her, although I was not allowed to cum – under threat of 30 strokes of the cane if I made the mistake of cumming in Her as I did in Atlanta 2o days ago – the last time I was allowed to penetrate Her and the last time I came.

So I did not cum, although my cock was so close to the edge. Mistress used my cock a few times this way, and then had me go down and lick Her arse while She wanked Herself to orgasm.
This morning when Mistress told me to get out of bed I did not immediately jump out, but She did not sentence me to any punishment – rather She warned me that She would give me 30 strokes if I did not get out, at which point I promptly did!

Girl's night out

Last night Mistress went out with a number of other girls. At about midnight She texted me to say that She was moving to a late pub with Her good buddy Amanda, and I replied that She should have fun, and if the guy in the corner hit on Her, to feel free to fuck him. At that stage I was exhausted and went up to bed.

Amanda used to feature quite a bit in our lives, as Mistresses close friend. There are a number of entries in this blog tagged with her name. Amanda is a bit of a naughty girl, and her and Mistress have enjoyed a number of wild nights out. Old and loyal readers (I hope there are some of you!) may recall that Mistress met the sportsman, Her last cuck fuck, when out one night with Amanda.

At about 1am Mistress texted me to say there were moving to Amanda’s flat, with some guy in tow that had hit on Her, but was not paying more attention to Amanda.

Cock hard, I went to sleep.

At 4am I was woken by sounds of Mistress moving about. I noticed the time and thought to myself ‘what has She been up to? She must have been fucking that guy at Amanda’s’. I immediately wondered whether there would be any sperm in Her, and whether or not I would soon be licking and sucking it out. My cock got hard and soft at the thought.

I woke up to talk to Mistress, but She said that they had thrown the guy out hours ago, and She had just been having a good time dancing and chatting with Amanda.

I didn’t know whether to believe Her or not. She could have been out fucking – there was no way I was going to know – all I could do was listen to what She says….

I did get to eat Her to orgasm before She went to sleep. There was defiantly no sperm in Her pussy. Neither was it wet like it gets if she has been playing with another girl. So I figure She was right – She was just having fun with Amanda.

I am so lucky that She lives a life where She can go out and fuck others if She wants to.
Mistress says Amanda had a bit more of her old sparkle in her, and is looking forward to going out with her again. This is good news for me, because She met Her last cuck fuck through Amanda, and so I can live in hope.

Horny

Having cum on Thursday morning before we got out of bed, Mistress was fealign horny again by the time we went to bed. I did think She might ride my cock, either to orgasm or not, because She mentioned in the day that She might use it soon, but She did not.

Rather, when we went to bed She sent me down to eat Her pussy and I brought Her to orgasm for the second time that day. It took ages, but I stayed down there and did my best, licking all Her juices clean afterwards.

So this morning when I offered to eat Her again She declined and we cuddled instead, my cock pressing hard against Her. But then She relented and allowed me to lick Her arse clean before getting out of bed – which I was keen to do so as not to get any canes today.

I luxuriated with Her arse for a while which She clearly enjoyed, and then went to make the tea.
Mistress stopped by on Her way to work, but did not cane me. Kissing arse helps!

She is looking hot today in tight jeans and a lovely skin tight top. I’d have attached a picture, but these arse holes at Yahoo have broken Yahoo photo’s so it doesn’t work any more, moved me over to flickr, and that doesn’t work either! They are useless!

Shall I shan't I?

I lay in bed this morning, my hard cock pressed against Mistress’ thigh, wondering whether or not to offer to eat Her pussy or arse before getting out of bed.

‘After all’, I figured, ‘She knows I’m here, and if She wants me to eat Her She can tell me to, so I won’t bother to offer.’

But then I also got to thinking, whenever I do offer, Mistress always says yes, so She obviously enjoys it or She’d say no, and tomorrow is Friday – there is a good risk She will want to cane me if I am not being submissive enough. Experience has shown me that I definitely get caned less the more arse I eat.

So I offered. She said yes. I ate arse. She came.

If I’m lucky I might avoid the cane tomorrow morning (which I shall offer again). Although I am happy to receive Her pain if it induces me to better submission and service to Her.

She chose to do it

Mistress came home and rushed through Her jobs in the mid afternoon. But She found time to stop long enough to cane me. I suggested that if She was busy, She could lecture me instead as there was no need to cane me, but She chose to do so.

She said I could have 15 today to remmind me who is in charge, or 20 on another day. I chose 15 today - she would have given me all 20, and probably harder, on another day so why go for that option?

They were fairly hard. But I am now errect pleased to have reason to serve Her better.

Feeling Dominant

A little more light has been shed on why Mistress left me to do all the work last night.

As we got into bed to go to sleep, She advised me that She was thinking of coming home to cane me some time the next day.

I asked why, and She responded ‘Because I can’. So it appears She is, quite simply, feeling dominant.

I submitted to Her that if that was what She wanted to do, then She must feel free to do it.

Careful what you wish for

After a busy weekend and a day out visiting friends we got home this evening and I had to pop out to buy some milk.

When I got back I was shocked to see all the dirty washing up still sat next to the sink waiting for me, the dinner waiting on the sideboard ready for me to prepare and cook, and Mistress in the lounge watching telly!

So I got to work. At last I am done. My weekend was a little longer than Hers!

It is already about 15 days since I last came, and Mistress is making no moves to do anything about it. Not so long ago She would never have let me go 15 days without an orgasm...

Ugly Betty

Tonight is the second night back in our own beds following our trip to Atlanta and already Mistress has come three times through my oral administration, whereas I have had only the pleasure of serving and dreaming – well, not quite fair because Mistress does allow me to handle my cock in Her presence, and rub it against Her as well, so I am in no place to complain; I am lucky.

When we woke this morning, after giving Mistress an anal tonguing and a play with Her Rabbit I got out of bed and made Mistress tea and breakfast in bed, and then went down to do the laundry (three machine loads since our return!) while Mistress watched Ugly Betty on TV in bed. I can’t stand Ugly Betty, and much enjoyed the privilege of serving Mistress doing house work while She enjoyed late morning telly in bed.

After I was done and returned to the bedroom I said to Mistress what a pleasure it had been to serve Her while She relaxed to which She agreed it would be nice if it happened more often. Opportunity knocks. I shall look out for it.

My cock is hard. I wonder if Mistress will let me eat Her again tonight. I do hope so.

Half Term

We’ve had a great half term in Atlanta with the kids visiting my sister-in-law. What a great place. I have really enjoyed it every time I’ve been there. The people are so polite. Everyone had a great time and we shopped for England!

The kids shared our bedroom which had a nice holiday feel to it, but obviously limited the opportunities I had to service Mistress.

On one occasion She had me finger Her to orgasm in bed and then allowed me to penetrate Her (this was exactly one month and a day since my last orgasm) and the pleasure was so intense that I came immediately – without permission.

Mistress did not notice my orgasm, and was surprised when I told Her, still in Her, that I had cum, saying that that was defiantly not part of Her plan. But She did not promise, offer or threaten to punish me for cumming without permission so I think I will be OK on that score.

We got back home this morning, jet lagged, had a shower and went to bed for a couple of hours.

As we woke, Mistress kindly allowed me to eat Her, choosing to have my attention directed to Her pussy, where I ate Her to an intense orgasm. I so love looking up at Her cum while I eat Her. It feels so great to be between those sexy legs. Such a privilege.

After She came She allowed me to lick and tongue Her arse briefly before sending me to wake the kids.

I am worried that having been away for a while She has not had opportunity to cane me, and will probably choose to do so the next opportunity She gets. This excites me on the one part, but also fills me with fear, because I am not sure She appreciates the power of the new, larger cane.

I raised this with Her after She had cum, saying to Her that I was wondering if there was anything I could or should do to try to avoid earning any strokes. She replied that I should immediately do as I am told without arguing, citing as an example the very comment I had made when we arrived this morning that if the kids new tights She bought in Atlanta needed hand washing then they should go back to the shop or in the bin.

Point made. I shall go and hand wash them today to show Her that She is in charge and gets what She wants. I fear that She will cane me anyway, but we shall see.

Limp: Thrashing

This morning my cock was soft as I cuddled up to Mistress in bed. I explained to Her that it is always soft on Fridays these days, as I fear the cane She will probably give me later that morning.

She confirmed that She is going to stop by and cane me this morning. I appealed that I have been a good submissive for Her in recent times, which She agreed to, but explained to me that She wants to cane me to remmind me. So I am for it. She'll be here in the next 10 to 15 minutes. I will present Her with the larger cane, because I beleive their is room for Her lessons to be more painful and effective.

Last night She had me tongue Her arse again, and allowed me penetration though only for Her pelasure. She has used my cock in Her cunt a few times this week, though without orgasm for me, and She continues to love having my tongue deep in Her arse.

I sit here soft in anticipation.

Talking to

Yesterday evening sat at the family dining table after dinner Mistress gave me a talking to about how long it took me to put the Landry away. For the second week running She had had to get Her own sports bra out of the laundry basket to get it ready for the next day.

My cock twitched. Was this going to lead to a caning? It didn’t get hard, I noticed. Just twitched.

I got a lecture about how poor I am in this area, and Mistress told me to improve. If She has to put anything away ever again then I get 25 strokes for it.

Clear.

This is the first time ever Mistress has calmly told me off in such detail and told me to do better. I hope it is the first of many.

I feel lucky not to have been caned for it, and shall make a point of putting the laundry away promptly in future, for I am sure She means what She says about future punishment.

Not having been caned last Friday, and having attracted this warning now, I suspect that the least I will get away with this week is some disciplinary strokes to keep me on my toes. Oh dear. My cock is hardening at the thought (plus it is ages – 10 days - since I last came!)

Choosing the hole

On Thursday morning I lay in bed feeling lazy. It was chilly out, and I had no particular desire to serve Mistress orally before getting out of bed. But the next day was Friday and if there is one day that Mistress usually canes me it is Friday, so I did the sensible thing and offered to eat humble pie.

‘If you would like me to eat Your pussy or arse, please just tell me, Mistress’ I said to Her as we lay together. She grunted.

Five minutes later Mistress rolled on to Her back and told me to go down and eat Her pussy. I thanked Her for the instruction and licked and sucked Her breasts on my way down. By the time I got there She had changed Her mind.

She rolled onto Her side and raised one leg to expose Her arse ‘Hmm’ She said, ‘Actually, lick my arse instead’. And of course I did, giving Her great joy.

I have licked and sucked Her arse most mornings in the last two weeks (including this morning) and it is now obviously Her oral service of choice.

In consequence, and I only speculate here for I do not know for sure, but I speculate that it is consequence of this that I am being caned less, because She is happy that I indicate my submission in this most submissive of ways and on a daily basis.

And so it was on Friday morning Mistress came home after dropping the girls in school and did not cane me, as She did not feel the need to do so.