Confusing Cuckolding Continues

It has been a while since my last update – much has happened in that time, and much has stayed the same.

Since we got back from holiday just over a week ago, Mistress and Dave have been texting each other every day, all through the day. Sometimes they have sex, and sometime – often – they just talk. It is all this talk that I don’t get – they are intimate. Too intimate.

They are due to meet up at a London hotel next week for a fuck, and She’s looking forward to it. They don’t fuck that much – usually they play in his car, and he just gets to cum in Her mouth, so She’s really looking forward to a few hours in a hotel room with him.

Today (Friday) She’s going to go out with Her girlfriend Amanda and another girl. She told me about their plans yesterday. I replied to say that I don’t like it when She goes out with Amanda – She ends up coming home in the wee hours of the morning after fucking other guys, and is hung over and of little use all the next day.

She got a bit upset, and said She won’t fuck anyone else or drink too much – but She’s not happy with that.

Since my last blog post She has never done a performance review for me, nor punished or disciplined me for anything. I continue to serve Her, but there is no FemDom discipline or punishment in our life (and so, I’d argue, no FemDom in our lives – except of course the constant cuckolding with Dave).

I’m not happy with this. I don’t like the cuckolding without the other aspects of FemDom. When I said to Her that She ends up fucking other guys it should have gone like this:-

Her: But of course I end up fucking other guys. You are a submissive wimp who can’t fuck me properly so what do you expect me to do? Go without?

Me: No. I guess You should go out and have fun.

Her: Exactly. Silly boy. And don’t I deserve to party, dance and have fun with my friends?

Me: Yes. Of course You do.

Her: Good. Of course I do. You are completely out of order suggesting otherwise. Before you go to bed tonight I want 1,000 lines ‘Because I am a submissive wimp that is not able to satisfy my Mistress sexually, it is only right that She go out and find other men to fuck Her properly.”

Her: And when we go to bed tonight you are to present yourself for punishment strokes for questioning my right to fuck other men and have fun.

Me: Yes Mistress. Thank You Mistress.

But that’s just my fantasy. No matter how many times I tell Her She just doesn’t get it. I’m thinking of officially putting the boot into the current (non existent) FemDom relationship we have, and ‘normalise’ things – including loosing the cuckolding.

I could get upset…

I could get upset that She’s not been in touch with me – I probably am.

Then a part of me remembers that She chose to put my cock in Her pussy this morning and let me cum in Her, and I wonder what I have to be jealous about. Then I get upset again.

Day out

She’s taken the kids to an amusement park for the day.

She’s not texted or called to say they’ve arrived OK. I’ve not heard from Her at all. But I can see that She’s exchanged three emails with Dave from Her iPhone since She got there, so texting me would have been very easy had She wanted to …

Punishment due

On Saturday we went out, and had a silly argument on the way back. I got very annoyed and rude to Mistress. I have done that a couple of times recently. I think that because of the cuckolding I feel very insecure and less able to take criticism from Her.

This time She has handled it differently, and said She will cane me for my behaviour. I think She is looking forward to giving me probably the hardest caning She has ever done.

This morning when the cleaning lady was here, I commented that if She wanted, we could go upstairs and I could eat Her arse.

“More likely give you the canes you are getting,” She said. She really wants this. My cock is hard with fear.

Viagra poll

Hey! Last day to vote in the Viagra poll. Then I shall act on advice received… Vote now if you haven’t done so already.

No arse today

Mistress did not ask me to lick Her arse this morning. I really wanted to, but I decided not to offer, but to simply be there for Her, and lick it only if She asked – but She didn’t.

This is my dilemma in life – to offer/ask or not to offer.

I think that’s why She likes to have alpha males in Her life – because they don’t hesitate. They take. And She likes that from them.

To submit and to serve

Mistress has not used the review forms or the cane for some time now – apart from some disciplinary strokes about a week ago, 'just to put me in my place'.

I find this intensely frustrating and difficult. After some time of not being told what to do, not being punished for any insubordination, I think to myself: “If I’m not serving Her and submitting to Her,” (read: being punished) “then why aren’t I allowed to fuck Her as well?”

And so we get into the discussions about why She doesn’t wan’t me to fuck Her properly.

I’ve always said to Her, the only basis for being a cuckold submissive is that She is the dominant and I the submissive.

But this time I have tried to be different: I have said to myself “This is how She has chosen to live, so support Her decision. Don’t question it. Live with it. If She chooses not to punish you, but to kiss You instead, then be glad of it. Continue to serve Her.”

So that’s what I’ve tried to do. And by and large its gone reasonably well.

But this morning in bed Mistress said “Lick my arse!” No preamble. Just that. She has never been that blunt. So I did. I licked it to the best of my ability. She clearly loved it, moaning as I did.

After, when She called ‘enough’, She told me to go and made tea. No sexual hint for me. Just go and make tea.

As I got out of bed She told me that She would cane me for not dimming the lights when She asked me to last night. “When I ask you to do something like that I don’t need your attitude,” She said, “You should just do it.” I agree.

And She told me to start to submit the review form to Her every day, so She could use it to ‘manage that sort of behaviour’ better.

As I showered later my cock got hard. She wants me to not fuck Her properly, ever again (“get that right out of your mind”), She wants me to encourage and support Her fucking other men (She picked up a one night stand about a month ago, and sucked and fucked him) and She wants me to submit and serve Her ‘without attitude’. Fucking perfect. THAT is exactly where I want to be. And not just to be, but to manifestly be. A complete wimp cuckold submissive who serves Her, submits to Her and comes second to Her in every way.

Trying to simplify our relationship

Life is good. It has its complications, and I am trying to simplify them.

A few days ago a friend came round with some viagra. I don’t need the stuff – my cock is always rock hard – but hell, a man wants to try a permanent hard on, right? So I got one from him. It’s in my draw upstairs.

But what shall I do with it?

I asked Mistress why She does not ask me to fuck Her properly (because then I could use the viagra, and fuck Her for 3 hours like David used to do) but She doesn’t want this. “You love fucking other guys so much, why not me’” I asked Her.

“You are my submissive wimp husband, and I love you for that. I don’t want you to fuck me properly now or ever. Just forget that. Put it out of your mind,” She said.

Well. That was a difficult pill to swallow – and no pun intended.

So my viagra is still in the drawer upstairs. I’m actually toying with the idea of offering it to Her to use with one of Her boyfriends. Or throwing it away. But that would be like giving up.

On the other hand I could ask Her what to do with it. I could say to Her. ‘I have this viagra tab (She knows I got it). You don’t want me to fuck You properly, so what shall I do with it, shall I throw it away?” and see what She says.

Or, I could just throw it away and not trouble Her about it.

I’d love to do the best submissive thing to do. But I’d also love to enjoy a bottle of wine together and bang Her all night with it.

What do you think? Take the poll.

What is time for?

I sent that email (below) to Mistress this morning – I had tried to talk to Her about it but neither of us could find the time.

She’s been very busy – late nights and early mornings at work, including today. So She texted me at mid day to say She’s been really busy all day (read too busy to read and deal with my email).

She’s just called me now on Her way out the office - to go and meet Dave for a 45 minute glass of wine. She’s still not had time to read my email.

What do you make of that?

She won’t tell me to my face that I come second in some of these things – in fact to my face She’ll strenuously and convincingly deny that that is the case – but Her actions speak much louder than words/

For You not us (An open letter to Mistress)

My Darling Mistress Wife

I read Your BlackBerry Messenger last night after You went to bed because I was jealous about what he was saying to You at that time of night.

This morning I told You I read it because the BBM is ‘for us’, but I don’t think that it actually is for us, nor should that be the case – I think that You see him because I am sexually inadequate and don’t fulfil Your needs, and that he is for You and not for us.

I think we should agree that he is Your boyfriend not ours, and that I should be jealous of him (and of any other man You choose to see) because You are seeing them as sexual men because of my inadequacy.

Some times You say things that suggest to me that You don’t actually believe this. For example yesterday when You discerned that I was concerned about You going out with Amanda again.

It may be that You don’t believe in my submissive, sexual inadequacy in quite the way I do. In that case, I would like to understand what You do believe in so that I can understand and accept it.

I think we should both work harder to confirm, establish and build on my submissive, supportive role in our relationship.

I think that if You want to go out with Amanda, have sex with other men, see Dave, then we should agree that You do so because of my sexual inadequacy and that I should both accept and actively support Your decision to do so, humbly and without question.

I think that if or when I do not actively support, accept and encourage Your decisions (on cuckolding or any matter) then You should point this out to me, confirm Your expectations, and punish me for it.

I don’t think You should feel obliged to share any aspect or details of Your external relationships with me, unless You choose to do so – either to humiliate or excite me.

I think that the only opinion I should be entitled to have about Your pursuit of sexual fulfilment outside of our marriage is to accept that You rightly seek it because of my own sexual inadequacy, and I should accept and encourage whatever decisions You make.

I love You forever.

me

I kissed Her

I kissed Her a few days ago, a number of times. She started by returning my kiss as a peck, but I stayed in for more and kissed Her again and again. It was heavenly.

At the time neither of us said anything about me not being allowed to….But last night She said that She would never give me a “deep” kiss again, so apparently She held back.

Thanks to all those who voted in the poll. Sadly Blogger polls don’t work properly – because a few days ago 7 people had voted, and last time I looked it showed only 5 people having voted. Naught Google!

I showed Mistress the cock torture video a few days ago. She was not enthralled – thought it was too long repeating the same thing. But then this morning She held my balls and threatened to beet them as She laughed and talked about the video ‘I must start to practice and learn to be that ruthless with you”, She said.

What a world of conflicts!

French Kiss

I loved this story so much that I sent it on to Mistress who read it while having Her hair done.

She loved it to – so much so that She emailed me back about it – She pointed out that the story is so like us, and boyfriend is even called David! A point I had missed!

She spoke about it last night after I had eaten Her to orgasm and was putting my cock into Her.

She told me that She particularly liked that the husband was not allowed to kiss his wife on the lips. She said that her Dave was a better kisser than me, and that only he should be allowed to kiss Her properly and put his tongue in Her mouth – I should limit myself to a peck on the cheek.

I enjoy kissing Her ‘properly’ some times, so it will be interesting to see how this develops. Clearly She will not be initiating any french kisses with me, but how will She respond if and when I try to kiss Her? Will I try to kiss Her like that again, knowing that She does not want me to? Probably not.

What do you think? Should I try to French kiss Her? Please take the poll...

Intimacy

Here’s a good example of Mistress’ intimacy with Dave (‘Kamwani’ is the nick name we use for him).

He sends Her a BBM saying how good She looks, and She sends this back.

This sort of conversation does not take place with a casual fuck.

This is a far more intimate exchange.

No confusion

This morning Mistress ordered me down to lick Her arse before we got out of bed.

I started with a gentle penetration, gradually getting deeper, before licking around and tongue fucking Her as deeply as I could for about ten minutes.

As I did, I thought of how Dave inserts his fingers in to Her arse (which I am not allowed to do) and how he talks about (although he has not yet done so) fucking Her arse.

When She went out with David, he never once fucked Her without using all 3 holes.

I licked as I thought these thoughts – glad of the opportunity to tongue fuck Her, but wondering at the splendour of fucking Her arse properly.

When She had had enough She order me up and told me to wank myself. As I did She said to me “I am looking forward to meeting my boyfriend later today for our date. I will suck his cock and he will cum in my mouth, but I am not even going to wank your cock – you’ve got to wank it yourself.”

“ That’s not confusing is it?” She asked. “I suck his real man cock, and you wank your own wimp cock. There’s no confusion there is there?”.

I grunted as I quickly came all over myself and was ordered out of bed to make the tea.

She’s with him now – they’ve just met up to ‘play’.

Weekend kink

I was surfing round the cuckold stories on Literotica, as I often do, when I found this new author and read this great story.

God! My cock got so hard at the thought!

As usual, I told Mistress about the extreme kink I had been reading – She never reads the stories, but makes me tell Her exactly what it is that I read that turned me on! God, the humiliation of telling Her how turned on I become at these women who cuckold their men to firmly is more than I can bear! And it turns Her on so much too!

She made me tell Her while we were in bed, before sending me down to eat Her pussy. God it was so kinky.

I love the fantasy of openly coming sexually second to Her boyfriend. Not sure how I’d deal with the reality though!

Resolution

Thank you for your feedback and forbearance while Mistress and I deal with our issues. We have discussed them and agreed a way forward. I will drip the details through over time - I am so busy with work and chasing a buck.

Mistress’ desire is to live a FemDom life where I am in service to and submissive to Her. She is not doing this for me. She is going it for Herself and for us – it is Her preferred form of relationship with me.

Mistress does not think sucking my cock is a suitable act for a Dominant to do to Her submissive, and so She does not intent to ever suck my cock again. That is why She has Dave, because he is an alpha male who can dominate Her and who’s cock She can enjoy sucking.

If I ever talk about Her sucking my cock again I will be punished for doing so.

Yesterday Mistress told me to wash Her crotchless tights and have them dry ready for this morning. I questioned the need for this since they are crotchless and so cannot be dirty.

As a result I am to be punished with 10 strokes of the cane. In future I am to obey Her instructions without question.

Mistress will continue to cuckold me because (a) She enjoys it, and (b) She enjoys the way it humiliates and dominates me.

My cuckold cock is hard.

Re: Confusion

Yes, You have said that a number of times. Thank You.

But saying it once or twice, and then not sucking my cock, and sucking his at every opportunity, and loving doing it, and never reinforcing that you are my Dom, that I am Your sub and what You expect of me, leaves me confused.

I don’t think You can say it often enough, or clearly enough.

If, for example, it gave You pleasure to dominate and humiliate me by asking me if I want You to suck my cock, and punishing me if I said yes, then I would see where I fitted in as Your submissive.

But You do not in fact enjoy doing this, and that’s why I suggested using the review form – to help reinforce my sexual humility to both of us.

If I don’t understand that You want to be my Dom then all I understand is that his cock gets sucked and mine does not 

For example, if you clarified this confusion by saying that you will NEVER suck my cock again, and caned me thoroughly for even talking about it, then I would know where I stand.

I fear that I and my fantasies are too extreme – which you have also said before…

It’s not about You…

It occurs to me from my letter below that I am being very critical of you.

This is obviously very one sided.

It is not my intention to be critical of You. The fault is quite probably all mine – perhaps I am not actually cut out to accept another man in Your life, and no matter what You do, I will never truly accept it.

Her reply

I have read your email. A lot to respond to will have to wait. But if I may just one. I think part of the problem is that you forget what we discuss and so we keep going round in circles every time.

For eg, in regards to the cock sucking. I have explicitly told u many times that the reason I don't do it is because I do not consider it a Dom thing to do it to my submissive and therefore I wont! Where is the confusion and complication with that? How much clearer can I be?

Gotta get to work now. Talk later xx

Confusion

When You came back from Your date and told me he had cum in Your mouth I was jealous. He always gets to cum in Your mouth, and You never even put my cock in Your mouth.

As Your submissive I do not expect to be allowed to put my cock in Your mouth – in fact, as You know, I think I should be punished for even thinking such a dominant thought.

But I don’t actually know what You think about the matter. Why don’t You want to put my cock in Your mouth, when You can’t get enough of his – every time You meet.

Perhaps You do want to put my cock in Your mouth – in which case – if there is any chance of that – then please do so, because I would love it.

But You never talk to me about it – You never tell me why You suck his cock so much and never suck mine, so I don’t know. Because I don’t know, I think maybe You do want to suck my cock, but You just don’t do it because You think I want to live as your submissive.

But that’s not the case. If You want to such my cock then I want You to.

If You told me in a loving, dominant, humiliating way that You loved sucking his cock, and that You would never suck mine, then I would know where I stand. But You don’t do this.

If You told me that You loved humiliating me and dominating me by sucking his cock and then telling me all about it, then I would know where I stand, but You don’t do this.

You do sometimes say that You don’t want to suck my cock, but You never say why, and You don’t say it very often, and so I feel confused.

We always agreed that You would find other men to give You the alpha male sex that I no longer provided – but I get the feeling that You are in denial over that – and You don’t want to remind me that I am not a proper alpha male.

You do say that You love having me as Your submissive, but You don’t say it very often – You don’t remind me that I am Your submissive – and so I get confused.

You do say You like having me as a submissive, and You like humiliating me, but You very rarely dominate me or humiliate me (directly – you do it indirectly – eg by telling me he came in Your mouth – but you very rarely do it directly) and so I wonder whether You really feel this way, or whether our FemDom relationship is a convenience that You humour to make me/us happy.

I don’t feel that you pursue the FemDom relationship.

That’s why I suggested the review form – to give us both an opportunity to constantly or regularly remind ourselves of our FemDom relationship.

You said You liked the idea, and told me to draw up the form, and I did so. But You did not make any suggestions of what You want to see on the form – all the ideas on it are mine, so I am still left very confused about what You actually want.

You do want some things – for example, You wanted me to go down and check for Your tights the other day – so You can’t say You don’t want anything – You do want things of me – but You won’t say what they are, so I get confused.

If you would only say ‘You should have gone down to get my tights and You didn’t so I am going to punish you for it’, and then actually punish me for it, then we’d both know exactly where we stand.

It’s not that I want You to punish me – not at all – but I want You to dominate me 100% make me submit to Your will so that we are both clear where we stand.

Kissing in the pub

When I see couples kissing in the pub (and I have seen a few recently – not just the couple yesterday) I see them ravishing each other, and I imagine You doing that with Dave, and I get jealous.

When I talked to You about it, You tried to circumvent it. I believe this is because You are embarrassed about it and reluctant to admit (to yourself as much as me) how much You enjoy ravishing him in that way.

So when I see You in denial in this way, I get confused. Why are You in denial? If You think it is wrong to ravish him and not me, then why do You do it?

If You said to me ‘I love ravishing him like that, it makes my cunt wet just thinking about it’, then I would know where I stand, but You don’t do this – instead You deny it by tryign to talk round it.

If You said You don’t do that with me because I am Your submissive, not Your man, then I would be clear.

Leading on our relationship

I don’t want to be the one making suggestions about our FemDom relationship – I don’t see how that can work. Our relationship should be defined by You, not by me.

That’s why I chose not to have this conversation with You – because if You want to suck his cock and not mine, then that’s Your choice. If You want to kiss and cuddle him in the pub and not me, then that’s Your choice too. If you don’t want to dominate and humiliate me, then that is certainly Your choice too.

Leaving me out

But when You make all those choices – choosing to kiss him and not me, to suck him and not me, and to not dominate or humiliate me, as You have done, where does that leave me?

It leaves me as the one that is not kissed, not given blow jobs, not dominated, not humiliated. Apparently loved – because I believe You love me – but how and in what capacity, I don’t know or understand.

Licking Your arse

If I didn’t have a sore lip, then I could offer to lick Your arse every morning – at least when You allow me to do that I do that I feel that You are dominating me – even if only by allowing me to humiliate myself. But as You know, for a few days I have not even been able to do that.

If You don’t want to dominate me then I wish You’d just say so, so that we could be clear. I’d be happy to put all the FemDom stuff behind us and live a normal life if that’s what You want. I’d love to cuddle and kiss You in the pub and cum in Your mouth. But how do I know what You want?

It always seems to be me ‘demanding’ FemDom of You, and I’m not comfortable with that.

BBM and information access

When I told You about my fantasy of not being allowed access to Your BBM, and not being allowed to ask about Your dates, it was not that I don’t like these things.

I love the humiliation and excitement of hearing about Your dates and reading Your BBM. So it’s not that that excited me – it’s the thought of You choosing to do that to me – choosing to dominate me by choosing to shut me out in that way.

I don’t know how we resolve this. I genuinely don’t think You want the FemDom relationship I do – that’s why when things get this way I say: Let’s end the FemDom and th cuckolding and just live a normal life together – at least then I will have You – and that’s what I want more than anything, I won’t be jealous and I won’t be confused.

More oral sex

Mistress and Dave had another date today. They left work early and drove to a discrete pub for a couple of drinks. There was some touching and kissing in the pub, and after an hour of chat he suggested they move out to his car to ‘play’.

They did so and he played with Her cunt before She went down on him and sucked him to orgasm. He came in Her mouth and She swallowed half and gave him half back (! That’s what they do!).

When She came home She told me about it and gave ma a big, spunk tasting kiss as may part of the pleasure.

He has come in Her mouth more times than I can count, and I’ve not had so much as a lick in 2011. She’s getting it from him, why would She want it from me as well?

School run

08:40 and Mistress has just dropped the kids at School. She walks back to Her car, reaches for Her handbag and sends Dave a text. Every day. Without fail.

Gagging

When Mistress was on Her last date with Dave they got a late train back from London. When they got to our station at about 11 at night, they went off to a dark corner of the car park to do what they call ‘playing’.

She had no knickers on – he had told Her to remove them much earlier in the day. He lifted Her dress to above Her tits and played with Her, including pushing his finger up Her arse – an area I am not allowed.

Then he pushed Her to Her knees, held Her head and fucked Her mouth and throat. As he fucked Her She gagged, but he help Her head tight and carried on fucking Her mouth until he came. She told me it turned Her on so much that he just kept going.

Yesterday She sent him a text fantasy (over 2 hour period of intense BBM sex they had yesterday) – ‘You are holding my head, fucking my mouth, making me gag, but ignoring me and just carrying on fucking. I love it’.

I read this on my arrival home in the evening, and became slightly jealous, but I didn’t say anything to Her. But this morning, as She got me to fuck Her She told me She had noticed, and told me that She would cane me for it on Sunday.

‘You should not get jealous of what I say to him. He is my alpha male and I love it when I encourage him and he does those things to me. You are my wimp submissive. You don’t do those things to me, and so there is no reason for you to be jealous!’

Needless to say I came deep inside Her as She told me these terrible things.

She also told me to complete the preparation of my review form by Sunday evening, or be punished for that too.

Simply sex

Last night as I lay in bed waiting for Mistress to join me, my cock, as usual, got hard.

I was thinking how nice it would be like ‘in the old days’ for Her to kneel naked between my open legs and play with my cock, sucking it, and making me cum, either wanking me, or better still make me cum in Her mouth.

I knew it wouldn’t happen – She is very clear that She does not want to do that sort of thing with me – though goodness knows She does it to Dave enough.

If She would only put it in Her mouth, I thought, but She has not done that this year, even though I eat Her pussy and/or Her arse every other day.

My cock got even harder ( I call it the cuckold hard on) at the thought of Her doing these things with Dave.

Mistress got into bed and cuddled up to me, feeling my hard on.

She pushed her lovely, naked arse back into my cock and said ‘You better just put it in me. I haven’t got the energy for anything else’.

I fingered Her a little and then fucked Her. Straight forward sex. I didn’t have to eat Her pussy, no kinky talk, just fucking. That’s all we did – just fuck – nothing kinky. But it was brilliant. I came in Her so hard – still thinking of Her and Dave, and She too moaned with Her pleasure.

It was great. And the simplest sex we’ve had for ages.

What a lovely warm, tight cunt She has.

More information than I need

Mistress just texted me to say that She was going for coffee with Dave at the end of the working day, via the lift (for a snog) if possible on the way down.

I feel this is more information than I need, or than is good for me.

Since their last tryst, Mistress has taken to telling me all about their conversations during the day – before I get to read Her BBM in the evening.

For example on Monday when I was on the golf course, She texted me to tell me that She was putting the laundry away while lying to him that She was wanking.

Why does She tell me these things? I think so that I am not shocked, surprised or disappointed when I do get to read them later in Her BB.

But I still find it stressful to read Her texts to him ‘God you make my cunt so so so wet’, or ‘I wish we were playing in the pub’, or now – that they are going for a snog and coffee this evening. Surely I’m better off not knowing – then I can’t get hurt by it.

She’d say that its supposed to be fun, and that I’m supposed to enjoy it – but I read Her crack every day, and I do so never to enjoy it, but to see what they have said – to check if there is anything I should be jealous of.

In many ways I would prefer it if we both accepted that I am the submissive cuckold and not entitled to participate in any way in Her sexual or personal relationships which are purely for Her pleasure due to my sexual inadequacy.

Sex

After our performance review conversation Mistress was particularly turned on. That night She sent me down to eat Her pussy, and soon got me back up. Reaching for Her vibrator She told me to describe to Her how the performance review system should work.

She told me to prepare a proper review form to be used in the process, wanking Herself furiously while She did so. I asked if it turned Her on, and She said it did – the idea of having all that control, and getting what She wants. She came hugely, and then told me to fuck Her which I gladly did.

Performance review meeting

I am a great believer in communication – whenever Mistress and I talk, really talk, our relationship gets stronger.

With this in mind, and because I am sure I am not the perfect submissive, this morning I suggested to Mistress that if She wanted to improve my service to Her then, if She wants, we could have weekly performance review meetings in which we considered my submission over the previous week, appraised it and set goals for the coming week.

I suggested that, to confirm my status in the relationship, it might be best if I were to strip naked and kneel before Her for the review.

I questioned whether or not the review might best be tied in or linked to a disciplinary session with the cane – I suggested to Her that it did not have to be, but that where She felt that desirable the two could, of course, be linked.

Mistress said She liked my idea, and that we should do it.

I hope She does seize on this initiative. I would love to have clear, submissive objective set for me to serve Her better, to have them reviewed and appraised, and to be clearly punished for delivery that fails to meet the required standard.

I particularly like the idea that I kneel naked for the review – I think dehumanising me in this way would help Her appreciate Her authority, and me appreciate my submissive role, and so lead as both to a higher level of expectation in our FemDom life.

I will leave it to Her to actually pursue or dump as an idea, since She is in charge. We shall see.

Kissing in the City

Any minute now they’ll be out of their meeting and off for a few hours fun in the City. They will kiss and hug like the lovers they are. Touch, smile and flirt. She will touch his cock, and he Her pussy.

He will admire Her legs, Her short dress, Her lips and Her eyes.

Late at night She’ll come home.

And I‘ll be sat here at my desk working.

Day out

Mistress is off for Her trip to London today. Work a bit then fun with Dave.

She wanked me as She talked to me this morning (after getting me to lick Her arse) tellign me that She has no idea what time She will be back, and that if I exhibit the slightest sign of jealousy She will give me 40 strokes of the cane and make me cry.

“You are just a wimp, and he is my alpha male, so I am just going to get what I deserve, and you will be ok”, She said.

From the taxi to the station She sent this text.

Pull your tits out

“When I see you in the office I just want to yank your shirt up and pull your tits out”, said Dave in a BBM to Mistress this morning.

“And I want to get under your desk and suck your cock”, She replied.

They are at work together now, eying each other up and sharing those thoughts.

Against that background, and knowing that they are cracking away, She texts me the occasional hug, kiss and love you emoticons.

Does She send them because She loves me, or because She worries I’ll go nuts when I see how much contact they’ve had when She’s not been in touch with me all day? It’s a damn tricky situation.

Chilli and crack, porridge and crack

Last night we had a friend round for dinner – Chilli and rice, one of Mistress’ favourites. She is such a good cook.

We enjoyed the company and the conversation, and then Dave reared his head on BBM, and Mistress cracked with him solidly for about an hour of BBM sex.

This morning in bed I asked if I could do anything to please Her and as usual She had me go down and lick Her arse, which I did to the best of my ability, tongue fucking Her gently but firmly, and swirling and teasing my tongue around Her arse.

When She told me to stop I asked for permission to wank. She said I could, but that I should not have asked – ‘If I wanted you to wank I would have told you to wank’ – so She told me to make a record of a punishment due to me for asking. Well, at least I know not to ask again. I offered not to wank, but She told me I would be caned anyway, so I might as well wank. So I did.

When I got up Dave was up and the crack started. Sex this, sex that, they cracked endlessly while I made Her porridge and She got ready.

She has an insatiable appetitive for BBM sex with him. It is constant and explicit. I would be jealous, but I don’t offer Her the same thing, so that would be a little pointless…

Sex in the City

Wednesday Mistress and Dave are off to London for the day again. A one hour meeting provides the excuse they both need to legitimise a day out.

They’ll go to their usual pub, he’ll no doubt cum in Her hand, and then cum in Her mouth again in the train on the way home…

Jealousy

Jealousy is a feeling I have quite often these days.

Mistress says this is ‘silly’ and that I ‘have no reason to be jealous’ because it is me and only me that She loves, and that ‘have’ Her.

But all day every day he is never far from Her thoughts, and this makes me jealous.

I talked to Her about it.

Years ago, after I asked to submit to Her and became a submissive lover, I suggested to Her that She should find an alpha male, a boyfriend She could fuck, who would give Her the alpha male loving that She still wanted, and that I no longer offered or gave Her.

So here we are.

But, I said to Her, I always thought that the cuckold relationship would be a Femdom one – where if I felt jealous She laughed at me, and pointed out that the only reason She had another man was because I was unable to fulfil Her, so what did I have to be jealous of?

But She does not do this. Instead She tells me it is me She loves, She is not talking to him much, and that I have nothing to be jealous of.

She says that for me to tell Her that ‘I thought it would be more FemDom’ is like giving someone a car and keys, and saying it is theirs, but then when they turn left at the end of the road saying you thought they were going to turn right and asking for it back…

She’s right, really. It’s a good illustration of it.

The fact is I don’t offer Her what he does.

On their last date, for example, they drove to a neighbouring town for the afternoon in his car. As soon as She got in, he got Her to lift Her dress, pull Her knickers to one side, pull Her pussy lips open, and he played with Her as they drove down the road. I just don’t take that sort of alpha make line with Her.

She took his cock out in the car and played with it as they drove – I would never ask Her to do that to me.

He tells Her to kneel on all fours and pull Her arse and pussy open for him to eat. I could never do or get away with that.

That’s why I suggested the cuckold lifestyle. So why do I get jelous? It’s silly – I should not – it is obvious She cares for a love me, more so than any wife of any couple we know.

She says She love me more because I support Her cuckold relationship. I believe it. I really do.

I should not be jealous. But at times I am.

As She caned me yesterday – harder than She has ever done before - Mistress said that next time I am jealous She will make me ask Her to cane me harder… Interesting.

Abroad

I had to take a trip abroad for a few days, to visit my ailing father. It was good to see him.

While I was away I hated the thought that Mistress was back here flirting and having sex with Dave. I told Her this by text while I was away. She replied that She was not talking to him much, and to not worry, but to focus on having a good time with my dad.

I got back a couple of days ago.

Mistress has had me lick Her arse every morning since. And has let me penetrate Her almost every day.

Last night She chose to give me 20 hard strokes of the cane, to help me deal with my jealousy, and to remind me of the nature of our relationship. Then I ate Her to orgasm and we slept.

Yesterday Dave was out with the boys from the office. They got to talking as men do, and he reported back to Her that the consensus was that She was the sexiest woman in the office. Of course that made Her happy – and made me realise how lucky I am to have Her – whatever that means!

This morning She had BBM sex with Dave while She had Her tea in bed. Eventually he came, and the day started.

Mid week lover

Friday evening, despite having been to the forest, Mistress and Dave took the lift down as they left the office so that that could kiss each other goodbye.

And that was pretty much it for the weekend – very little contact between them at all – a short, intimate message or two every day, but nothing more than that. Apparently he had family coming for the weekend, and obviously wanted to spend time with them – and so he should.

But now we’re back to Monday, and the crackberry started at 7:20 and didn’t stop.

He seems to have a place for Mistress – weekdays, from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. But not weekends, generally speaking.

Interesting.

Driving into the forest

Mistress just called me from Her car. She is driving into the forest for fun with Dave. Apparently he left the office 5 minutes before Her in his car, then She followed on later.

She is on Her way to a place where She can have Her wicked way with his cock, and get him to cum in Her mouth.

She has not sucked my cock once this year!

My cock is not hard at the thought of Her fun, but I am glad She will enjoy it. She is clearly very excited!

Final fantasy

Mistress was pleased I shared my submissive fantasies with Her – She said She likes it because it helps Her understand me better.

So I called Her as She drove in to work, and shared my final submissive sentiment of the morning.

I work from home on the computer all day. I use an ap called DisplayFusion to cause my wallpaper across both my monitors to change every few minutes through the day. I only display porn – hard core and softcore porn, all day.

As I explained to Mistress, when I see the images of men with their cocks deep inside incredibly sexy chicks arses or mouths, I immediately think ‘Wow! Look at that – that’s what real men do with their women – imagine if I could do that! But I can’t’. It makes me think of Her – She is a woman who loves that sort of activity, but who has chosen not to pursue such activities with me, but to pursue them instead with other men.

Seeing other men do these acts causes me pain, envy and longing, but also makes me feel submissive and lucky to have a Mistress who does enjoy those activities, and is able to find other, real men to pursue them with.

For some strange reason I genuinely do not feel worthy of committing such masculine acts on Mistress or any woman. I feel it would be wrong for me to do so – such acts are wrong for me – they might be great fun, and very desirable, but they are wrong.

She agreed on the phone with me – that I as a wimp who does not deserve to engage in such acts. She said it made Her pussy wet to think that I was such a wimp and did not deserve the right to commit such acts.

She was on Her way in to work, in a tiny, short skirt and open crotch tights, going to drive into the forest today to play with Dave and make him cum in Her mouth. He always cums in Her mouth.

Punishment fantasy

Continuing our conversation below, Mistress said that She was never sure about how well I took the cane – She feels that I don’t enjoy it, like it or want it.

I replied that surely that was the whole idea – if I liked it what would the point? For it to be an effective disciplinary aid, I must not like it! She agreed.

I later asked if I might share another fantasy with Her, and She said I could, so I explained…

If She was unsure about how I took the cane, then She could specify a rule, that after each stroke I should say ‘Thank You Mistress. Please hit me harder’ and nothing but that. Then She could cane me all She liked, and it would appear to Her that I was enjoying it.

That, She agreed, was a good idea.

Toilet Fantasy

In the morning I usually use the toilet off the spare bedroom, to spare Mistress any unpleasant odour in our bathroom.

But this morning for some reason, most unusual, I used our bathroom. Mistress complained bitterly of the smell as She came in to shower, and told me that I should use the spare bedroom loo in future.

I was brushing my teeth, and my cock got hard. I decided to share my thoughts with Her – I don’t know why I do this, but I did…

I told Her that my cock was getting hard at the thought that She would tell me that She didn’t like the smell, and that She would punish me with 20 strokes for polluting Her bathroom, and that I should never shit in our toilet again, or I would suffer further punishment.

I explained that my cock got hard that She might take such simple, straight forward disciplinary view of our relationship.

She was delighted.

Waxing

Mistress is going into the forest with Dave tomorrow for a play.

So today She is going for a waxing. She told me She wants Her pussy to be nice and smooth for him...

Cuckold Coffee

Mistress and Dave have just left the office to go for a coffee before She goes to do the school run.

They do this often. She chooses to spend Her free time with him chatting, laughing and flirting in a coffee shop...

Today She is looking particularly hot. A pair of spray on leggings, boots and a tiny, tight knitted dress. Most women would not have the balls to go to work dressed the way She is, so he'll be really wowed and after Her.

I'm not too jealous. But if you're thinking it would be fun to become a cuckold, then think about all that it means, not just what it means when you've got a hard on!

Fuck off Chilli Jam

Today’s post is bland, but fiery! I have spent the afternoon making chilli jam. I do this once every 3 months or so, because we both like chillies…

Forget the nancy recipes you see on line. Mine is ‘fuck off chilli jam’. It has an approximate recipe:-

1 kg small, hot red Thai chillies
250 g large, red Dutch chillies
6 Scotch Bonnets
1 large red onion
300 ml white wine vinegar
Juice of 2 lemons
Pinch of salt.

Chop it all up. Caramelise the onion. Add the the sugar and the vinigar and dissolve.

Add the other bits.

Boil and stir.

Transfer to sterile jars.

Share with friends. Eat. Enjoy.

Blow job

These are the pants Mistress wore to Her date today.

Mistress called me on Her way back to the office from the date to tell me all about it. I asked Her if She had sucked his cock, and She immediately replied ‘Yeah! I sucked and wanked it. And drank his spoof.”

I groaned out loud. My own cock was in my hand, and I was imagining Her hot lips and mouth round it! Lucky him!

She could tell I was wanting Her mouth round my cock and asked how I was feeling. I replied that he was a lucky guy, and that I wished I could suck my own cock – at least then I could get to feel warm lips round it.

I didn’t want Her to feel that She neglects me, so I moved the conversation on – but I could see that the thought played on Her mind.

She will decide, either to suck my cock this evening, to make up for it, and to thank me for supporting Her date, or not to suck it to prove Her absolute dominance.

Which will it be? Take the poll! Be heard!

Friday Date

They’ve just been for a lunch date at a pub. She took his cock out in the pub and played with it, and then they went to his car where She wanked him and sucked his cock.

He is so lucky! She touched my cock for the second time this year this morning – but he gets to have his cock wanked and sucked for the umpteenth time!

I’m actually getting used to not having Her lips round my cock. She is adamant that sucking my cock is too submissive an act for Her to perform on me.

Cuckold hard on

I’ve talked about these before – they are what happens when my cock gets hard at the thought of Her with him I want to fuck Her and fuck Her and fuck Her so much that She doesn’t need sex from him any more.

My cock gets hard - really hard - much harder than shown here. Like an iron bar! She loves it! But needless to say, after getting it from me She still feels horny and still wants him.

I had a cuckold hard on this morning, as I knew they had a planned date, and that She would do Her utmost to play with his cock, and if possible get him to cum in Her mouth – even though She has only touched my cock once this year and I can’t remember when I last came in Her mouth.

My cuckold hard on was wasted – She was not in the mood. I offered to do anything to please Her – thinking that even if all I did was eat Her arse, at least She would start the day reminded that I am Her sexual servant, but She didn’t want that either and so I made the tea!

Teenage love

Mistress has just left the office with Dave to go for a half hour coffee. They are going downstairs in the lift, so that can go up and down a few times snogging and touching each other up.

They are like teenagers in their affection and pursuit of each other – they can’t get enough – on BBM all day every day – and I mean all day every day – then they go down (and up and down and up and down) in the lift while they snog, and THEN they still go and sit with each other and talk through coffee – while they look at each other and wish they could rip each other’s clothes off.

It’s that teenage excitement that gives Her relationship with him the edge over me… In a way I envy them – I can’t offer Her that – people who have been married 15 years don’t do that!

Sometimes I tell myself I should find a bit of excitement to enjoy this with – but the only person I want is Her - well, apart from Rihanna and Cheryl Cole, but there’s not much chance of that!!

Oh well.

She chose the cane

When Mistress was ready to leave the house She told me to go up to the bed room. Once there, She told me to prepare myself for strokes. To do this I attach a roped cuff to each limb, and loop 3 of them over 3 posts on our bed. The fourth She must do, as I can’t reach it. I am then bound at Her mercy, unable to escape on our bed.

She instructed me that our problems are caused by my jealousy, and that in future if and when I get jealous I am to kneel before Her and explain that I am jealous and why, and She will deal with it. If I misbehave I will get 50 strokes of the cane and no sex or orgasms for a week.

To illustrate this She gave me 50 strokes. I swear the first 25 felt like 50, and I pleaded that this was the case, but to no avail as She walked round the bed and administered a second set of 25.

So told me to write 50 before She gets back as follows.

I will not be jealous of Mistress and her boyfriend in a negative manner. I will be respectful as I am only a wimp husband. If I do I will be punished 50 strokes and no sex or cuming for a week.

After releasing my arm Mistress told me that caning me had made Her pussy wet - turned Her on punishing me. She pulled down Her leggings and told me to feel Her wet cunt as proof of this. In the position I was in I could only touch Her cunt, I could not really feel inside it, but I am glad that caning me turns Her on. I hope that this encourages Her to further ruthless and cruel application.

My arse is on fire. I will just finish putting away the dishes, and then attend to the lines.

Tensions

On Sunday night we argued again. I did not offer myself up for punishment.

Things have been a little tense today. On edge. I was going to apologise to Mistress this morning for my behaviour, and invite Her to administer any punishment She felt due. But She was clearly a bit uptight. Upset. So I decided not to.

Later we talked. She asked what I think we should do to resolve the impasse. I said that I am tired of offering solutions – the way I think we should move forward. She is a responsible part of this partnership – She should decide how we resolve this and move forward.

If I had the choice I would say that She should tie me down and beat me black and blue. Make me accept that Dave is Her sexual excitement not me. Confirm time and time again that I cannot be jealous of him, because I am not Her alpha make sexual excitement – that is his role, not mine, so jealousy is wholly inappropriate.

But I’m not going to do that – I do that every time we fall out. This time I want Her to decide how we move forward.

What should She do?

I can see that my jealousy causes issues for Mistress. She does not want to hurt me. And more often than not I encourage Her relationship – so how come sometimes I get jealous? How should She deal with it?

She wants to continue Her relationship – She loves it. She loves him, the dirty sex, cuckolding me, all aspects of it. Should She continue it, or should She end it?

I want Her to end it, and tell me I am all the man She wants and needs – even though I know that’s not true! How stupid is that?

I want Her to sit me down (well, tie me down, actually) and explain to me that I am just a cuckold wimp who is not able to satisfy Her sexually, and that’s why She needs a real man, with whom to enjoy alpha male sex. I want Her to tell me that the very idea that I could satisfy Her sexually is laughable.

I want Her to make me say: “I am a cuckold wimp who cannot satisfy You sexually, and You deserve a real man to take care of Your sexual needs.”

I want to genuinely support Her pursuit of Her alpha male, and genuinely accept my submissive role. So why is that so hard? And how on earth can She reconcile the two?

Jealousy

In my BBM Sex post below I talked about how Mistress and Dave were having extensive BBM sex for the third day in a row. When She texted me about it at the time She said he had an insatiable appetitie for it – giving me the distinct impression that it was he that was initiating it.

But when I read Her BBM that night there it was in black and white – She initiated it with him – ‘Tell me something interesting to relieve the boredom of my day’, She said, and so it had started.

I realised that rather than him having an insatiable appetite for it, it was Her who could not get enough of him.

I got jealous.

She saw this and we talked about it at night.

“I am going to cane you for that until you bleed”, She said. So what if I crack him every day? I always crack him – I always will, and you should get used to it.”

“If I had my way I would fuck him every day, not just crack him every day. He is not a wimp cock like you. He is a real man, an alpha male, and I want to fuck him every single day – so get used to it. Deal with it,” She said.

That night I entered the kitchen and She was cracking him again, and She put Her Crackberry down. I left the room in a jealous anger.

Yesterday I was feeling bad too. I got in from Golf and as I walked in through the kitchen I noticed Her Crackberry was not on charge, so She must have had it in the sitting room with Her, cracking him while I was out.

So I decided not to go and join Her – She has him, why does She need me? So I just went straight to bath. She was not happy at all.

So today when She went to the gym, I had this idea that She might leave the crack at home. But no. She’s taken it with Her. She’s racking him now from the gym. I thought She might be more sensitive to my jealousy, but apparently not.

Sunday is traditionally punishment night. I am sure She will want to try to cane it out of me this evening.

YouTube videos

You might hav noticed the ouTube videos I recently embedded.

This woman is on the same wave length as me - She could be talking about me!

I find that interesting - I would have thought I was the only one with these fealings, but She describes them perfectly.

BBM Sex

I forgot to mention, in my earlier post, that after I licked Her arse this morning, as She told me to get out of bed and go make the tea, Mistress touched my hard cock for a few seconds – tugged at it a few time, before telling me to get out of bed. This is the first time She has touched it this year.

Anyway, on to the point of this post.

Dave has been off sick for three days now. At home recuperating. Supposedly. But as you can imagine, with an empty house to himself, the man has been doing some serious wanking. The two of them have had BBM sex for over an hour every day, including many images of his cock, and always ending with an image of his day’s cum on his hand.

Mistress has an insatiable appetite for this stuff. She can’t get enough. She encourages him and goads him. It’s quite disgusting! A nun would feint!

They are at it now apparently. His wife must think he’s really sick since he never gets a hard on – but its because he’s wanking for her every day!

Conversation

After my last conversation with Mistress I was on a downer. I can’t believe She will never suck my cock again, or let me penetrate Her anally, but She will do these things with Her cuckold boyfriends. Well, actually, I can believe, it, and that’s what put me on a downer.

I spoke to Her about it the next day, but She was adamant – as Her submissive it would be wrong for me to get those things, She does not want to do them to me, and will not be doing them ever again. And I should accept this and support Her decision in this respect, not question it.

She says that dominating and humiliating me in this way causes Her sexual pleasure – She gets wet from calling my cock a wimp cock and treating me as Her submissive, so we should both relish that – as She said, its what I’ve wanted all our married life – now I’ve got it, why am I complaining?

Since then She has had me eat Her arse or Her pussy every day in the morning. So I can see why She would be happy – She gets oral sex every day, and decides if its arse, or pussy, and She never has to give me oral or any other sex. But She gets to swallow David’s spunk as much as She possibly can.

Last night as She had me penetrate Her She got well carried away, and told me how She was looking forward to bringing back a load of his cum in Her arse for me to lick out – showing me that he has had access to cum in it, and making me lick it clean, turns Her on. Me too.

What a life.

Anal sex

Mistress and I have not had anal sex for some years now. ‘Before’ we used to do so once or twice a year. When She was going out with David, they had anal sex every time they met up.

Yesterday She was cracking furiously with Dave having BBM sex while I ate Her pussy. Afterwards, when She let me read it I saw that much of it was all about him cuming in Her arse. They have not had anal sex yet (well, other than his tongue and fingers going in there) but it seems to me that they are probably going to do so soon.

So last night when we went to bed this thought was stimulating me. I want to put my cock in Her arse, and cum in there.

So I said to Her, ‘I want to fuck You in the arse”. She laughed out loud and said that would only happen in my dreams - I would never fuck Her in the arse. I used to, but She no longer wanted to do that with me.

“You are a submissive, and submissives do not get to fuck dominant women in the arse”, She said. “Your wimp cock will never fuck me in the arse or cum in my mouth again. Real men will fuck me in the arse, but you will not” She said.

I reached down to Her cunt and guided my cock in for a cuckold fuck, trying to fuck the submissiveness out of me and out of Her. I thrust almost violently into Her pussy. She loves this – a cuckold fuck – because She gets a good rogering which She enjoys.

As I fucked Her She instructed me “Say that your wimp cock will never fuck me in the arse or cum in my mouth again!” I remained silent. “Say it!” She said. “Say it, or you will get 20 strokes.”

I really didn’t want to say or accept this – I want to cum in Her mouth and Her arse, but there’s no point in inviting 20 strokes, and I was of course excited that She was bullying me in this way – my cock was rock hard hammering into Her pussy, so I said it: “My wimp cock will never cum in your arse or mouth again”, I said.

Saying so excited both of us and I came deep in Her as She too had another orgasm.

I’m not sure if She meant it or not, but its certainly a long time since I came in either other hole…

I think we are seeing a shift here to a place where She genuinely enjoys humiliating and dominating me – She certainly enjoyed making me say that last night – She clearly derived sexually pleasure from bullying me that way. God I love that thought. But I don’t like the prognosis for my anal sex!

Will I ever fuck Her in the arse again? Take the poll today and tell me what you think?

Friday night fare

Well its Friday night and they are doing their usual thing hanging about in the office late so they can have it to themselves or sneak off together when the others leave early.

They had a coffee date today, and a strange thing happened – Mistress wore a pair of trousers. This has never happened – She has always made sure Her cunt is in easy reach. Not sure why She wore the trousers – perhaps as a counter to turning up naked under Her coat on New Years Eve?

She’s texted me a few love hearts through the day. She says She does this because She loves me. I think She does it because he’s Cracking Her, and She wants me to think She was thinking about me (as well!) while She Cracked with him…We’ve discussed this phenomenon, and agreed She can’t win – if She doesn’t text me, I get upset She’s ignoring me, and if She does, then I think She’s sending me sympathy texts… It’s complicated stuff this cuckolding shit!

That chair in the office will never be the same!

Well, the Christmas break is behind us and life nearly back to normal.

Mistress and Dave are back in touch more regularly, with the following BBM from him to her summarising what took place on New Year’s Eve:-

It was so nice seeing you on Friday. And when you opened your coat! Your undies! Your body! Your boots! What a woman!

I loved getting you down on all fours and licking your pussy and arse. Your pussy was so wet! Fingering you and playing with you! Wow wow wow!

And cumming in your mouth, again and again! And kissing you after – sharing my spunk! I love kissing you.

And then wanking into face, and coming in your mouth again. So dirty! We need to get a room – have some time, do it properly.

He’s requested a coffee date tomorrow we suspect he wants to talk about the room….