More action?!

So last night Mistress went off for Her final office party. I was in a pretty bad mood as She got ready to go, because She was talking about another David (this one’s called Dave) that has been hitting on Her and that She’s clearly interested in. Watching Her get all dressed up to go out and perhaps end the night screwing him got me a bit wound up.

I went out for some beers with some buddies of mine, and we both got back home at the same time – about 1am.

I was relieved to see Her home – at least She was not off shagging Dave or Chris (the guy from last week).

She tells me though that Dave was hitting on Her hard, and that She agreed to screw him, but at another place and time… He was emailing and hitting on Her from his Blackberry after the party – hoping they could go off together and have their wicked way.

Today She’s all excited about every contact She’s having with him – She’s clearly turned on at the thought of fucking him.

I’m finding it a bit weary – now that we’re not living such a FemDom life - and that was the justification for Her screwing David in the first place – I’m not too keen on the idea of Her screwing around. If I’m not Her submissive then why would I be happy for Her to have other guys?

I can’t decide whether to talk to Her about it or not. The fact of the matter is I don’t fuck Her as well as David did (or does? I don’t know), so She wants to find it elsewhere – is it fair for me to stop Her? Probably not…I should let Her just get on with it and enjoy Her sexual vitality as much as She can – but I’m kind of feeling that 2010 should be the year of rededication to each other…

Someone else…

Mistress didn’t hear from David Friday, even though he had said he’d be in touch. The man has no manners, just great cock action (apparently).

Anyway, Mistress decided instead to have one of the young men from work – some guy 10 years younger than her that has been pining after Her. She brought him home (here!) at 4 am and shagged him in the family room for 2 hours!

When he left She came up to bed and said he was the lousiest shag she’d ever had – small cock that never got hard and he didn’t cum… Longest lousy fuck I’ve ever heard of!

But she says She is ‘mortified’ that She did it. She did have a hangover for 2 days, so She might not have been all there when She did….

She says She’s cured of other men and doesn’t want any side action again! Interesting claim, because today is another office party night and they will both be there together –interesting to see if he dares to hit on Her again.

Apparently as he left last time She told him that if he’s going to screw Her again then he’ll need to grow a bigger cock that get’s harder! Ouch! I don’t think he’ll try again, but we shall see!

Meantime life is great and we are happy. We screw so much I can't even get hard when I'm not in bed with Her these days...

Waiting game.

I hate this waiting game. She's out having fun. I've not heard from Her in 3 hours. Experience tells me that means She's talking to him (on text). Will She meet him or will She not? Has She met him or has She not? Or will She come back to me?

I don't like it - I'd actually be happier if She never saw him again. But I know She likes meeting him so I won't ask Her not to.

But I don't like it.

So many changes!

Mistress texted David a few days ago. After some discussion She settled on ‘Fancy a Shag? X’.

He replied…saying he did but it would be difficult as he’s moved to a new neighbourhood and is now living with his girlfriend! So getting away would be tricky, and of course he’s not got his own place any more!

Well, Mistress was surprised. But She suggested to him they meet up this Friday (today) after Her office party, and that he come back here – to which he replied ‘OK. X’.

So She asked me to put a lock on the spare bedroom door, so the kids can’t burst in on them shagging, which I’ve done. So now it just remains to be seen whether they hook up or not. Based on his past record it won’t be until 11pm at least until he raises his head above the parpet, but which time anything could happen…

She was definitely ‘on edge’ this morning – getting dressed to go out knowing She might be meeting him. We shall see.

Golf

I just got off the golf course with my buddy. We were talking and anal sex came up (as it does when guys talk!). He reckons women don’t like anal sex. Certainly my missus doesn’t seem to like it with me much, but She’s never shagged David and NOT taken it up the arse. So if they meet up today, She’ll want it in the arse.

If they don’t meet up today, then I’m going to try for some arse myself and see if I can get it tonite!

Great weekend

We had a great weekend. A good time with the family, then us two went out Saturday night for a movie ('Law Abiding Citizen') which we enjoyed, and then we went out partying and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. Came back and shagged, Slept and shagged. Talked and loved, and then had a great evening with the kids again.

Life is good :)

A little clearer

I'm feeling a little better after unloading my emotions to you all yesterday - it helped me think it through. I'm not 100%, but I am happier.

For years I did not give Mistress the sex I used to. And I encouraged Her to find another lover. When She found one She liked and did the things we used to do it drove me insane with jealousy - I want to be the only one doing those things with Her.

But I don't. I can't. So why fight it - why not accept how lucky I am to have such a loving, beautiful Wife. And why not be glad that She has also managed to find someone who can give Her the good fucking that She needs on ocassion?

Rejoice and celebrate - don't lament what might have been. It has not!

Orgasms

While we talked that night, She told me that She never has an Orgasm with David. Only with me. She said that David knows this, and this upsets him. That’s why he does not approach Her as often as he might – because it hurts him that She only cums for me.

But She gets so wet fucking him that She squirts. She’s never done that for me.

I’m not sure I believe Her.

I’m not sure it matters whether I believe Her or not. The think about being a cuckold is you don’t KNOW what goes on. You just live with it.

Should I feel better that She said this? At the very least it proves Her heart is in the right place.

What I try to do is this: To not show my uncertainty to Her, and to not ask anything of Her other than Her happiness. That’s what I go for.

Injustice and Acceptance

The day after we had the discussion below Mistress gave me a blowjob in the morning. I had placed Her hand on my cock while in bed that morning – so I kind of initiated things.

I didn’t complain – I wanted it! But I did feel odd as She did it. Was She doing it because I ‘complained’ I was not getting enough? Did She do it to bolster my confidence? Or did She doing it because She wanted to? Could I ever know the answer to that question?

I conclude, even though I do not want to, that it is unsatisfactory me asking for or initiating sex that is for my benefit.

But She tells me She wants me to.

But She also tells me She would not be comfortable going to back to the place we once lived where I did that…

On my last birthday, as a birthday present She gave me anal sex – just to prove that She could give Her arse to me, and not only to David. I LOVED it! Because She chose and gave me the present – I didn’t ask or demand it – so I loved it as a gift from Her.

This cuckold stuff puts one in a very awkward place.

I feel that I would prefer to live a life of accepting that She shags David when She wants a real shag, and shags me when She wants to. Then I’d know where I stood.

Frustrated

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"What I want..."

This morning as Mistress came out the shower She said She had been thinking about what She wants in our FemDom relationship.

On Saturday night we went out for an office end of year party, and about 2.30am when the bar was shut and She’d had plenty to drink, She suggested we all adjourn to the local Casino – the only place still selling booze at that time of night.

She tells me that I said She’d had enough, and rather abruptly ruled it out (I don’t recall this, but She could well be right), and this was unacceptable to Her. I should never claim to be in charge on any matter, and should always defer to Her decision – I could plead my case, but must defer to Her decision.

I think that’s the end of the matter – She did not tell me She was going to enforce this point with the cane, so I don’t think I will be punished for my behaviour.

Did She consider punishing me for it to drive Her point home?

Do I want Her to punish me for it? Yes. I think that She should educate me on Her feelings on the matter by caning my arse until it bleeds and I cry real tears, so I never forget the lesson to defer to Her.

I’d love to share this sentiment with Her, but that could be seen as topping from the bottom and I am resolved NOT to do that.

So I shall simply try to learn from what She said, so that the punishment is not necessary anyway.

Arse Licker

It is some time since I offered to lick Mistress’ Arse in the morning – in fact last time I did, She asked me to. But today I offered – Arse or Pussy as usual, and She chose Arse, as usual, and so down I went.

I gave Her a real treat, smooth all the way, penetrating Her gently but firmly with my tongue. When She called me up, She told me to put it in Her, and I gladly did.

As I fucked Her I could not help but feel so pathetic – all I can do is lick Her arse and then spoon fuck Her from behind, whereas David fucks Her for 3 hours in every position and distortion known to man – no wonder She loves fucking him.

I came a huge orgasm thinking that She must be thinking how much more exciting a good fuck from David is…

All Change

I sent Mistress this text today. Speaks for itself.

Hi Sexy. You said you were going to cane me for not making you tea the other day. I would obviously prefer that you don't cane me - because it hurts. But if you ever feel that you do want to cane me - for punishment, discipline or just because it makes your pussy wet, then I would be happiest & prefer it if you do exactly and only as you wish. When it comes to defining our FemDom relationship I submit to you 2000% to make me the type of submissive you choose. xx

Punishment

Mistress tells me She wants me to more outgoing – particularly in the bedroom, pushing more for what I want.

I get the feeling She’s decided She likes that, having tasted it with David, and does not want to live with my submissive side.

So I try it – I give Her a good fucking – while riding Her from behind I get to see the tattoo on Her arse, which I have never seen while fucking Her – in the years She has had it I have not fucked Her doggy style once before!

I like it. She likes it. We try for more. I still find it tricky, pushing for what I want, but damn, it has its rewards and so I try.

Then She asks for tea one morning when I’m asleep. A few beers the night before and I don’t really want to get out of bed yet, so I don’t.

Now She wants to cane me 20 strokes for not making Her tea. She says She’s fine with me being more forward sexually, but when She tells me to make tea I should make tea.

She seems pretty determined to cane me for it.

I’m not so sure I want that. This equality thing has some advantages too.

Making up...

I suggested to Mistress that if She wants to see David again this side of Christmas, then She should apologise to him for leaving his place in a strop – after all, She took Her girlfriend there at 5am, pissed, and She knows the guy has a 3some fantasy – what did She expect but for him to ask? Honestly!

So, at my urging, She’s texted him today to say sorry, She got a little jealous. She said the guy would never reply, but e did. Immediately & happily. So they are now making up.

Why did I encourage it? Suggest it, initiate it, even? I want an exclusive relationship with Her where all She thinks of is me. But in reality, I KNOW She loves fucking him and is never going to forget that – so why not let Her – it makes Her happy and costs me very little.

And maybe one day, maybe, they will both accept me as their submissive. Though that is so unlikely I should forget the idea…

“I LOVE fucking that guy”

As I fucked Mistress on Saturday morning, as soon as She got into bed back from David’s, She said ‘I LOVE fucking that guy’. Her eyes were closed as She pushed back onto my cock, and repeated Herself, ‘I LOVE fucking that guy!’

Clearly Her mind was not on me while I did my thing – that guy fucks Her good.

She was drunk, and embarrassed when I told Her about it later, but at least She did not deny it, and confirmed that She does love fucking him.

Lover's tiff!

Mistress and David had their first lover's tiff on Saturday - over the 3some with Amanda that he wanted and She didn't want! I find that quite funny - until now their relationship has been artificially perfect - they get dressed up, meet, party, drink fuck and sleep - so for once a little touch of reality crept in...

It'll be interesting to see how it develops moving forward.

He told he her loves her again. But as I said to her - of course he does - their life together is artifially unreal - just good times. Let's see how he copes with his love now...

Because Mistress came home without having had the usual 3 hour of sex with him She was quite horny and I got to cum 3 times yesterday. Means I can't even get it up today - though of course I want to!

Meeting up again

Last night Mistress went out with her friend Amanda.

They hooked up with David and partied the night away, finishing up at his place at about 5 am.

He wanted them both together, but Mistress didn't want this - so She ended up coming back to me - though she did 'let him put it in' at one stage...

Oral sex

Last night Mistress told me to go down on Her in bed, which I gladly did.

As She came She pulled my head hard into Her groin to hold me there (I love it when She comes as I eat Her).

She didn't suck my cock. I can't remember when She last sucked my cock - it's just not about that any more.

She sucks David's cock every time She meets him...

More chat...

Me (12:50):
I was very happy giving You a blow job to orgasm last night, and licking Your arse this morning, and getting nothing in return - because You chose not to give me anything. I love it when we do what You want. Xx

Me (13:00):
I wish You felt comfortable sharing intimate sexual things with me - for example saying (1) I would love to just spend a night out with David and go back to his place for a good fuck, or (2) I played with his cock and sucked it for hours - I love sucking his cock, it was great, or (3) Go and buy me 3 fruits to take to David to use in my cunt, or (4) I want to spend the whole night with David and wake up in his arms, so I've invited him to spend the night in London the day of my next course. We talked about it and agreed we don't want you there. Etc Whatever You want really... ;-) xx

Me (13:11):
It was extremely humiliating & degrading to wank myself in bed while you lay next to me and did nothing. Especially wiping my cum afterwards. But I am grateful You let me do it, let me hold Your tits while I wanked, and chose to humiliate me in this way. xx

Me (13:24):
I feel very selfish telling You what 'I want'. Sorry. I guess it's been too easy to be selfish because I'm packaging it as 'I want what You want'.

Mistress (13:40):
Nothing to b sorry abt. Get back to work now! X x

Me (13:41):
Thank You Mistress. Dish washer is not working at all well. Maybe You should sow Your slave how to maintain it so You don't need to worry about it again. Xx

Mistress (13:45):
Ok x x

Texts with Mistress

Conversation with Mistress
Me (09:52):

Hi Sexy. I really love You and just want to make You happy. Xx

Mistress (10:13):
I love you too and you do make me happy & I want to make u happy too! X x

Mistress (10:24):
So, are u genuinely happy for me to txt David? I want the 100% truth & don't say " ur happy if that's what I want!" x x

(11:15 Mistress called me because I had not replied - I had an engineer at home. The engineer was gone, so I asked Her if I could tell Her how I feel, and She allowed me. I tried to explain to Her that my main desire was to be Her submissive. She listened, we chatted and She went back to work)

Me (11:27):
The 100% truth... Hmm. I'm not 100% sure what that is. I am very jealous & humiliated that you want to and actually do what You do with him. But I am also very humiliated that You choose not to touch or suck my cock (especially when You obviously do his). This humiliation is more personal to us and less to do with David (I would still feel it if he were not there). But what I want is to be Your submissive (actually Your sexual submissive, but I don't see how I get to decide that...) 100% Your submissive in any and all ways You want. History tells me that You are happier with this when You are seeing David. If You told me You WANT to text/see/be with David then I'd say 'great - do that'.

Me (11:31):
I sent You the long text anyway - very confusing. I don't want to be confusing - I want to make You happy, and that means You should send the text. We both KNOW thats what You want to do. When we pretend it is not, we do not accept my submission to You. Doing it shows that You do respect Your authority over me and my submission to You, by acting as You want. So, the answer to Your question is YES. I am happy with You sending it. I am happy for You to do it as an act of dominance over me - and because it makes You happy. Xx I Love You. Send it! Xx

Mistress (11:33):
Ok xx will send. We'll discuss more tonite x x

Me (11:34):
Thank You Mistress. I'd be very happy to discuss more tonight, only if You wish to. If not, I will be happy to live per Your wishes. XX. I hope he replies! Enjoy xx

Mistress (11:35):
Cool x x. I doubt he will reply xx

Me (11:36):
Of course he will! He's not daft! You! In a skirt! He'll reply! Xx :)

Mistress (11:37):
We both know he is a weirdo and he has been a little quiet since his big reveal so I honestly do not think he will reply! X x

Me (11:38):
I won't trivialise the Big Reveal! That was huge! But he's doe it before and come back - now he loves You more. He'll be back. I'm sure. Xx We'll see....

Mistress (11:39):
Ha!.... we'll see x x

Me (11:45):
Do you mind if I text You a few thoughts through the day? I don't expect a reply - I just find it easy to share a brief thought when I have it. Xx. Please just reply Y if you are happy for me to send thoughts, or N of you don't want me to - I won't get upset!!! Xx

Mistress (11:46):
Y x x

Me (11:55):
As You know, I would LOVE for You to touch my cock, let alone suck it. I have even asked you to cane me so that You feel able to touch me. Even though You know I would love You to touch me, You have chosen not to do so. I am so happy with this, because I know You are doing what You want, not what I want. I believe You have actually chosen not to touch my cock and therefore You are happy not touching it. Therefore I am happy – even though I WANT You to touch it. I am even happier now that You have said You will give me ‘payment’ strokes tonight.

Me (11:58):
I will be even happier if David asks You to meet him tonight and You chose to spend Your time showering, changing and going to see him rather than wasting 5 minutes of Your time caning me – because I will know You have done what You choose. Though of course I will also be happy if You chose to cane me, and then went to see him, and then came back and told me you’d discussed it with him and agreed not to touch me anyway. Because I’d know You were doing what You want. Xx

Me (12:11):
When You said You would go and see Karen in the morning on your way to work, the jealous child in me resented the fact that You would find time to do that, and apparently did not ‘care’ to find the time to cane me so that You could play with my cock. I dealt with this by accepting it as Your (unconscious) choice. Now, it is not Your job to make my life easier (on the contrary – You need not care about that!) But if You WANT to really make Your slave happy, then if You chose to find time to go and see Karen rather than cane me, then if you give me a kiss and a smile, and ask me if I’d rather You went to see Karen or gave me my canes, then I’d know You were domming me and I’d be as happy as is humanly possible. xx

Confusion

Yesterday put an interesting perspective on our relationship.

Mistress raised with me Her concern that I am too ‘heavy’; take things ‘too seriously’ and can’t just ‘have fun’.

Interesting She did this, because I had said exactly the same thing to Her 3 days ago, but I got shot down for doing it.

So I guess we are in agreement – we don’t have enough fun and happiness together – we squabble too much.

So we discussed it, and She came up with an amazing statement: I complain that She always disagrees with me, and always turns everything into a fight, yet She is supposed to be the dominant partner. If She is the dominant partner, always right, and I must agree with Her and do as She says, then how can I possibly ever argue with Her, because I should accept Her position as the right one.

Well. You could have knocked me down with a feather. You’d have needed an iron bar for my cock, mind you, because that became as rigid as flagstaff as I interpreted what She said.

We didn’t solve all our problems in one evening of talk, but we did agree that henceforth I would accept Her view as the correct an prevailing view. I would beg to differ if I felt it necessary, but we would not fight again, because I would accept Her word.

And so we went to bed.

My cock was as hard as a rock – it’s days since I came. She felt it up against Her and me tossing and turning, and told me to wank so that I could get to sleep. She lay facing away from me while I wanked myself without any involvement from Her – unless you call lying with Her back facing me involvement, which I guess I do.

What a turn.

Today is Monday – She does not work, and will be back from the gym in an hour or so. I suspect I am for a good few strokes of the cane, but I don’t know after yesterday. We shall see.

Power dynamics

Ever since I said to Mistress that I would accept, or perhaps more accurately, requested that She cane me, in exchange for sexual favours, a subtle change has come over our relationship.

She instructs me to do things – “Go and get the tea now.” She said in bed this morning, when I was rubbing my cock on Her wondering if She might touch it (She didn’t!). “Make toast for the kids.”

She is clearly very happy with the change. And my cock has been hard non stop – She knows I am dying for Her to touch it, and She has not done so. She is dominating by doing nothing!

I think She’s decided that I should be treated a bit more like a submissive cuck than She does treat me at present.

I’m sure She won’t cane me today, because the kids are in the house. She can have a much better session tomorrow (Monday) in the daytime when the kids are at school. I get the impression She is loving this. Hopefully I will love the sex, if and when I get it, as much.

Paying for sex

I lie in bed and play with my cock, or look at porn of chicks playing with big, hard, cocks, and get horny. Mistress sucked and played with my cock every day before our Femdom relationship bedded in. And since David, I want it more.

The thought of Her tiny fingers wrapped round my cock giving it pleasure, Her mouth and lips on my cock and She tugs at my balls, is driving me nuts.

She has already named the price – 5 strokes for a hand job, and 20 for a blow job. And I must ask early enough in the day for their to be plenty of time for Her to administer the strokes before we go up to bed.

I decided it’s worth the price, so this evening I said to Her that I would love to feel Her hand and Her lips on my cock. She chuckled and said She was sure I would. She said I know the price. I said I was not sure She was serious – but Oh yes, She said She was serious. Then I would like the strokes I said, because I want the sex.

Well, She said She can’t do it now, because I scream like a stuck pig and the kids would hear – so She is planning to lay it in thick…

But after my 25 strokes, later, when the pain has subsided, She will play with my cock and take it into Her mouth. And we will both be happy because we will both believe I deserve it, and have earned it.

My cock is not hard at the thought. 25 strokes is an ordeal. And David does not have to get strokes to get a blow job – but because She decided, I will accept it happily, and revel in the sex afterwards.

I think this could be really good for us – if She truly accepts that I only get sexual favours in exchange for the cane, and David gets it because they both love it, then it puts both of us firmly in our place.

Fantasy

Mistress told me one of Her fantasies: To be out with me at a nightclub or pub, and bump into David. To move to be with him, and have me go home on my own.

She does not want this to be planned – She wants it to unfold by coincidence. Apparently it would be ‘so wrong’ that the ‘badness’ of it turns Her on.

She’s always been a little non compliant – that’s one of things that attracted me to Her – but of course I never saw myself as the victim back then!

Mistrust

This cuckold relationship brings pressures to bear on both of us.

The phone

Yesterday Mistress went up to London for the day. She had said that at some time in the day She would send David the ‘short skirt text’. But She never mentioned it.

When She got back, I snuck a look at Her phone to see if She had. She’d cleaned Her phone history, so there was no evidence of any conversation with him. I’m sure She didn’t text him, or She’d have told me.

But why did I check Her phone, and why had She cleared Her history?

Amanda

While in London Mistress met up with Her buddy Amanda, who now lives there (Amanda features in my blog from about 2 years ago, for those who don’t know her). They had a glass of wine and a chat, and, Mistress was texting me about it on the train on Her way home. She had told Amanda about David.

“What did you tell Her about him?” I asked. She replied:-

“Just that I met this guy screwed him, enjoyed it… U are up there and he was way lower down & that is u I love…. Generally she was jealous and horrified!”

Now, dear reader, you tell me, what kind of reply is that? Most of that looks to me more like what Mistress wanted to tell me than what She would have told Amanda.

For Amanda to be jealous, seems to me She must have told her more about how great the sex with David was, rather than how much She loves me…

Sex

This morning I offered to eat Mistress’ arse before She got out of bed. But She reached out and felt my hard on, and told me to play with her cunt and put it in – which I duly did.

As we screwed a myriad of thoughts went through my mind. Why did She choose to fuck today? Was it because Her thoughts were of David and She was feeling guilty? Had they talked yesterday? Or did She just genuinely want to fuck me?

I realised all these thoughts were going to prevent any orgasm from ever arising, so I tried to clear my mind.

Then She said “I want you to cum inside me, and then go down and lick me clean, lick your spoof out of me.” Well, of course that tipped the balance – I hate eating Her after I’ve just cum, and She knows it. I love the idea, but the reality is something else.

So of course I came almost immediately, and She sent me down to lick Her clean. When I was done She got out of bed to shower.

The need for sex

This morning I woke up horny – Mistress says I am always horny – She’s right!

I rubbed my hard on gently against Mistress’ thigh and arse while I caressed Her boobs and cuddled Her lovingly – I don’t dig into Her with my cock too much least it cause Her discomfort.

She kindly allowed me to eat Her arse before She got out of bed, and I did my best job, fucking Her arse with my tongue in a manner She clearly enjoyed.

When She got out of bed I followed Her to the bathroom with my raging erection – She saw it and told me to wank, so as to clear my mind for the day. I was hoping She might wank or suck it, but She didn’t offer, so I didn’t ask, but instead thanked Her and wanked. I asked permission to cum on Her back as She brushed Her teeth, which She kindly granted. I came on Her, She showered, and the day started.

I count my blessings, but I envy David who would have had a hand job, and blow job and been fucked, if he’d produced his hard on under similar circumstances, but there we go – one should count one’s blessings, and not complain.

(Doesn’t She need sex?)

Our friends

Later in the day Mistress contacts me – She’s just heard gossip about some family friends of ours. He has a Mistress that we new about – we didn’t approve, but we new.

When they were abroad on their family holiday a few weeks ago his wife asked him: ‘Your having an affair, aren’t you?’, and he said ‘Yes’.

So, his wife goes NUTS, poor lady, and is still nuts. Terrible affair.

My point is this: How did his wife know? They were on holiday away from home – no Mistress in site, no Texts, but she knew.

I believe she knew because he did not ‘need’ sex from her – he was not chasing it from her – there was no excitement in their sex life – because he was getting sucked and fucked elsewhere. He no longer needed her, and she could see that. So she knew. Kerpow! That is how it happens.

That’s why Mistress let me wank this morning – She doesn’t need sex from me any more – when She wants wild sex, She’s got David to think of, not me – ‘but you and I don’t do those things any more…’ She says to me, when explaining how great it is when David uses a banana on Her.

For Her pleasure or mine?

As we lay in bed last night Mistress told me to play with Her cunt (as She calls it). As I did so, She asked if I would like Her to touch my cock. I replied that I would like Her to touch my cock, that I could never get enough of Her touching my cock, but only if it gave Her pleasure to do so.

She said that it would give Her pleasure to do so if I asked Her to, and that in future I must ask Her to touch my cock, following which She would give me 5 strokes of the cane before doing so. She further clarified that I am to ask at least three times a week, or She would give me double that.

She said that I am responsible for making time to get my strokes before we go to bed – so if I have chosen any one day as the day I would like Her to touch my cock, then as soon as the kids go to bed I am to let Her know that I would like Her to touch me that day, so that She has plenty of time to cane me before we go to bed.

She asked me how I felt about that.

What is a slave supposed to say?

I said ‘Thank you Mistress. That is so dominant of You, and if it gives You pleasure to do that then I will be pleased to ask Her to play with me as instructed.’

‘Good’ She said. ‘Now put Your cock in me.’

I slid it in, without Her guiding me as She usually does. She said She could not touch me to guide it, because She would have to cane me first, before touching it, and so I had to guide myself in.

As I screwed into Her my head buzzed, and I shared my thoughts that it was so dominant of Her to insist on caning me before touching my cock, but yet She happily touched and sucked David without making him pay any price. She accepted this.

I told Her that I would love the privilege of seeing Her touch and suck David more freely than She does me, as such an illustration of Her power over me and my submission to Her.

My head and balls were spinning. As always I asked permission to cum in Her, which She granted and I came a huge orgasm into Her.

What a mind blowing session.

So it appears Mistress has resolved, very unusually with no encouragement from me, to be more domineering towards me – at least in this sexual way. What a turn.

Imperfections

Mistress & I had an altercation yesterday. We were discussing plans for today.

This morning at 3am we drove to Heathrow to drop of my father in law. Got back to bed at 7am for 3 hours. Now Mistress has gone for a charity lunch do (12 noon to 4pm) then will come home, then at 7pm we go to Her colleagues for dinner ‘till midnight. So with school drop offs and what have you, it’s a busy day, and we were discussing travelling plans.

Mistress is not good at time planning and keeping, and came up with a string of suggestions that would have meant being late for everything. It deteriorated into an argument. When I asked why it was something to fight over, She said because I was treating Her as if She was an idiot not able to plan and keep time, and She’s not an idiot.

Hmm. This is obviously delicate, because She is not able to plan and keep time. But I have decided it is I that should change. I need to make sure I communicate without there being any possibility of interpretation that I am speaking down to Her. Ever. I need to adopt a more humble approach. I started immediately and I think I am succeeding. Of course I can do better, and I shall try to.

The dinner

Meanwhile on to my worries about the dinner. We are due to get home at midnight. This is a classic circumstance for Mistress to send me home at midnight and go on to hook up with David to dance and fuck. I am sure that would be Her preferred end to the evening. I am terrified it will be the ending to the evening. My heart beats at the thought.

I should, in accordance with ritemate’s guidance, make the suggestion to Her, so that She can happily pursue it if She chooses. I will do that.

The skirt text

One of my Followers, whom I am honoured to be Followed by, ritemate, is incorrigible – he drives me (and Mistress when I share it with Her) deeper with every word of his advice which is always so simple it is predictable – but I don’t think of it.

I put up the poll about the skirt text to canvas your views on whether it would be right or not to send that text. But I think ritemate’s comment on my ‘Crazy Dichotomy’ post says it all – I must encourage Her because it makes Her (so) happy.

So, accepting the poll and ritemate’s advice, not wanting to waste time I suggested to Mistress today lunch time, that She could break David’s recent silence by texting him to say She was planning to wear a short skirt and stockings to work on Tuesday. Just that, and see what transpired.

She loved the idea, grinning all over the place and discussing it (it’s so weird that what is obvious to one person is not obvious to another – but that’s just life – we need each other). The idea made Her so happy I felt good.

She’s thinking about whether or not to do – but I’m sure She will.

I’ll keep you posted.

(The picture is one of Mistress in a rather nice skirt outfit - but the face is used on Her Facebook profile and I don't want to temp fate putting it here!)

What is normal?

In July we went away on our family holiday and since we got back life has not been ‘normal’.

First I sprained my back getting in and out of Mistress’ new sports car – I’ve not been able to play golf, or go down on Mistress’ arse properly, since then. She said She’s not caned me because She’s not wanted to make it worse.

Then Mistress’ mum came to stay for a couple of weeks. Then when she left, her Dad came to stay for a couple of weeks.

He’s leaving on Friday morning.

My back’s getting much better – I have administered to Mistress’ arse the last few mornings – today’s being a particularly pleasant session.

So once Mistress’ Dad leaves us on Friday, life will return to normal. But what’s normal?

Will She cane me and bully more?

Will I get more sex from Her? Or less?

Will She see David more?

I’m sure something will be different. There is no such thing as normal. We shall have to wait and see.

The crazy dichotomy

This crazy dichotomy exists when Mistress is ‘actively’ fucking David:

I find Her more alluring. I think, I perceive, whether true or not, that She changes – She becomes more vital, more dominant. She swaggers more. She’s quite simply more darn sexy. More desirable. And of course I love that. I love ‘having’ such a sexy person.

Then there’s the other side to it: She’s too happy, too alive. Too vital. And She’s that way because She’s thinking of what he does to Her. I perceive myself, whether true or false, right or wrong, to be an irritant up against his sexual fulfilment. An annoyance that cannot do the job as well – less desirable to her – in fact, quite unnecessary in this respect.

I simply cannot reconcile the two sides. They both drive me. It’s the strangest sensation. It is literally not under control – I cannot control it – it’s almost frightening. It makes me feel that it’s not safe. I’m scared of it.

Request for skirt? 1 day only poll...

When Mistress went to meet David last week, She went in tight trousers - despite my suggesting that he would prefer a skirt.

Sure enough, when She was back She told me he had said how hot She looked the one time he saw Her in a skirt, and he said he would have to come and meet Her during a lunch break so as to see Her in a skirt.

Mistress looks HOT in a skirt - the pic here is of Her leaving my golf club after lunch one day.

Yesterday Mistress went to work in a DELIGHTFUL short skirt and tights. Yummy. She often does this - She does not own a long skirt! But I wondered if She was doing it with a view to hooking up with David on this occassion, but apparently not.

She was looking so hot that I went into town to meet Her in Her lunch break - so I had the benefit!

I was going to suggest to Her that She looked so hot, She should text David and let him know She had on a short skirt and tights... see if he didn't respond.

But I don't want to enourage Her - I don't want to Her see him again (well, you know, I don't know...) but I do know She'd love the whole event if She got to flirt then flash Her legs at him....They'd probably end up fucking for 3 hours on that day!

So what should I do? In my 24 hour poll only to the side, give me some advice!

Paying for sex

Last night I invited Mistress to suck my dick if She wanted to. She declined. Then She relented, and said that She would suck it, if I first asked Her to give me, and actually then got, 20 strokes of the cane. Once she had caned me, She would suck me well.

In fact, She decided, She will never suck my cock again, other than under this regime – I must first ask for the strokes, and the sucking that follows.

So, She asked, did I want Her to proceed?

20 strokes is a vicious affair that would leave my arse swollen and perhaps cut, so I declined.

She grunted and said that I would have to ask for a blow job on these terms at least once a fortnight, or She’d cane me anyway.

This is what happened last time She was fucking David – She got much more dominant.

Sex Update

Mistress was kind enough to give me a brief version of events when She last met David. When they first got in he used a vibrating egg on her clit.

Then she lay back and he fucked her pussy.

He turned her, lubed and tried to fuck her arse but could not get in because She was too tight, so they abandoned that and instead She sucked his dick.

They fucked and he came in her cunt, with her riding on top of him.

Oh yes! And She nearly forgot to tell me, he also had some anal toy that She used on him ‘shoved up his arse’ was how She put it!

‘That’s all’, She said – but ‘that’ took them from about 11:30pm to 12:45, so there was obviously a little more to it than just that.

I am grateful to Her for the insight - She didn’t have to share it with me.

What did they get up to?

Mistress still won't tell me what they actually did - not that I've been pushing Her to tell me - I don't want to push Her to do anything - I just asked Her casually again, but She wouldn't say.

I can't even look at porn without wondering.

She texted him again this morning. She spent ages deliberating exactly what to say, and discussed it with me, and then sent him a sweet text to set his mind at ease after his boi fantasies about me yesterday.

Rationing! ?

David was on the 'phone having text sex all night yesterday - he invited Her round to his, and She would have gone, but couldn't really leave the house again with Her dad visiting us. If he was not here, She'd have gone back to him again.

I don't encourage Her - She's quite clear I'd rather have Her to myself, but I 'allow' it and She chooses to do it.

The text sex was, erm, amazing! They were going on about Her dressing him up as a girl with a wig and making him suck my huge cock deep into his mouth, and into his arse, and you name it! All from him! He wants me to fuck him in the arse! And She wants to do it - they agreed they'll set it up for when Her dad leaves.

Will they really? My goodness! What can I say?

Developments...

Mistress was kind enough to let me eat Her cream pie from David when She got back in at about 1:30 am this morning. And She had me screw her as well – She came twice while we fucked, making it at least four times for the evening – as She said, She’s a very greedy girl!

She had a great time with David. He said he’s given it a good go with his girlfriend since he met Mistress, but has decided she is not the one for him – he prefers Mistress and wants all of Her – but since he can’t have all of Her, and is not happy with his girlfriend, he is now resolved to have some of Her.

Apparently he plans to ‘ration’ his time with Her – and not see Her every day – so we shall see.

They had a good 3 hours in the pub Mistress described as chatting about all aspects of every day life. They’ve never done that before – shared life’s little intimacies – and She sees this as a big step forward…

Apparently when they went back to his place to fuck he took complete control in the bedroom and fuck they did – but She decided not to tell me the details – She says I don’t need to know those – all I need to know is they had sex.

She did tell me that Her arse was too tight for him, and he had to abandon his attempt to screw it – even the olive oil he usually uses did not help – he came in Her pussy which She had me eat on Her return.

When She got home She sent him a text 'Home now. It was soooo got to c u. xx." That says it all really.

Interesting the 2 kisses. Hitherto he has only had one kiss, and I have been the only one to get two kisses...

So that’s it. She’s like the cat that got the cream.

I am ambivalent.

Interesting day - and its not over yet...

Well, it’s been an interesting day so far.

This morning, as I was eating Mistress’ arse in bed she actually complained that I was not doing it well enough! I redoubled my efforts – though I thought I was doing fine.

When She had had enough, She drew me up and into Her and we had a great fuck while she moaned and groaned! I came thinking that for once David would get to eat some of my spoof!

Mistress was exuberant all day, not least this evening as She dressed to go and meet David – she’s just driven out looking like a million dollars – lucky guys is going to get to use all Her holes today!

She let me take a couple of pictures as She got ready, but I don’t have the USB reader to get them off the camera, so I’ll post them tomorrow.

And her Dad, my father in law, is sat in our family room watching telly, thinking She’s gone to meet the girls!

She says she’ll bring me back a load of spoof to lick up. I wonder!

We’re both wondering why he’s been so keen to meet up after so long – it’s almost like this marks a turning point of some sort? Perhaps more will be revealed.

They’re in each others arms now.

Tomorrow?

If they meet tomorrow he'll have his cock in Her arse and Her mouth, and will choose which of those to cum in... Which is more than I'll do in the next 3 months.

I guess that's why She needs/wants him.

Seems the conversation got him going...(or got them going!)

It continued...

Her: Ok, I look fwd to hearing from u :-) Xx

Him: Wot u up to tomorrow night? X

Her: Nothing much x what u thinking? X

Him: Well im trying to put [girlfriends_name_edited] off coming over so ill let u know 2m. Maybe a drink and..... Whatever u like? X

Her: A drink and whatever I like........ sounds so good! X

Him: Cool x

Looks like he might be back soon...

Mistress just forarded me this...

Her: Yes shame, coffee would have been good (?). Lovely to hear from you tho'. Hope u had a fab time away. X How are things generally ? X

Him: Yeah that would av been nice. Things are good thanks. Still job hunting x hows things with u? Wot u been up to? Still gorgeous? X

Her: Things are good..... Just busy with everyday stuff. Ha, am I still gorgeous? U'll have to tell me....when u see me :-) x

Him: Ok, that sounds fair. How about sometime next week? X

Her: Yes, that would be fab! What day were u thinking?X

Him: Not sure. Prob tuesday or thursday? Wot u up to this weekend? X

Her: No weekend plans at the moment. Have my dad visiting at the mo so will be doing stuff with him in the day . However, no evening plans... What are u up to? X

Him: Not sure yet. Nothin planned. Shall i let u know nearer the time? X

Her: Yup, let me know.... would love to c u . It's been far too long don't u think ? X

Him: Yes I do x

July 6th

Looking back I see it is July 6th since David and Mistress last fucked - that's the best part of 3 months - a fair while.

No wonder Her arse hole is tight when I lick it now - it is a while since he loostend it with his cock.

Is he back?

Mistress has not heard from David since his last episode, blogged below, so has not had sex with him for quite some time.

Last night in bed, She mentioned to me that She doesn't think She'll hear from him again - but hey presto - he's just texted her.

I've not pushed Her - Hey! I listen to my polsters - to contact him - though when She had me finger Her a few days ago and asked what I was thinking I did confess my thoughts were of Her shagging him - but that's not me encouraging Her is it?

I wonder what he's up to this time...

Interesting poll

I am fascinated by the poll results.

I wonder why they lean that way?

Is it because you don't approve of cuckolding, or because you don't want me pushing Her?

Phone sex

To Mistress’ surprise David texted Her again on Sunday morning. He was home alone. Feeling horny.

We were expecting guests, and She could not accept his invitation to join him, so they engaged in text sex while he indulged in what he called ‘serious self gratification’.

This went on for over an hour before he finally allowed himself to cum. The man does not just fuck for longer than me - he even wanks for longer than me!

He promised to build up another stock in his balls, and invite Her round as soon as possible…

Emotions

The conversation appears to have ended.

David accepted that he would like to see more of Mistress too, but ‘ I don’t want to get carried away, because I can’t have what I want’ – which is all of Her.

Her reply, that “some (or even lots!) is better than none at all” was met with a brief ‘maybe’.

And there it rests.

Mistress tells me that they’ve had this conversation before – he says he’s an ‘all or nothing’ kind of guy, and he wants all of her, which he can’t have. Apparently he’s (obviously) very happy when he’s with Her, but when She leaves he feels empty and lonely.

Emotions are some tough shit to deal with. Neither of us want him to hurt.

It’s such a shame he can’t happily have a slice of Her.

(I'm not sure: Does that make me lucky or unlucky?)

"..emotional & soppy..."

Mistress and David are exchanging texts fast and furious this morning.

After claiming he'd 'forgotten' what honesty he wanted to share with Her, he then confessed that actually he was feeling "emotional & soppy, and forgot that she was happily married..."

So I was right - he did want to say he loves Her! Needless to say She's cock-a-hoop!

She's replied that married people get emotional and soppy too, and that She'd like to see more of him in every way.

It'll be interesting to see where this gets us...My cock is rock hard at the thought of where it could end up...

Encouragement

Why do I encourage them? I really don't know. I hate the fact that he fucks Her better than me, but still I encourage it. She, on the other hand, will not say the words 'he fucks you better than me' - She says She does not think that so why would She say it. Her actions shout that anyway.

Whatever the reason, I don't know. But yesterday I wrote this letter to David and gave it Mistress to pass on to him:

Dear David

I am sorry that you have not been able to see more of [Mistress] in recent times.

For some years before she met you she did not get a really good flirt and fuck from me on account of my submissive nature towards her. I know that in the few meetings you have had she has really enjoyed your company, going out with you, and the sex with you.

To start with the whole thing caused me some anxiety, but she and I have discussed that a number of times and I have completely accepted my inability to deliver the sort of sexual thrills and experiences that she has enjoyed so much with you.

I do wish the two of you were able to see more of each other, so that she (and you) could enjoy more sexy and fun times together. Perhaps if you were able to do so, then you would also be able to guide and help her in her dominance of me, ensuring that she, or both of you, draw the maximum possible benefit from my submissive nature.

I am sure that she would like to see more of you, and if you feel the same way then I urge you to do so, enjoying yourselves to the maximum. If there is anything I can do to help facilitate this, anything at all, then please let me know.

Yours sincerely

Interesting text

We went to bed early on Saturday night – about 11.00. Mistress was not tired, and I thought to myself that in the mood She was in, it would have been an ideal night for Her to go out with David for the usual all nighter they enjoy. But it didn’t happen and we were early to bed.

Next morning while making the tea I checked Mistress’ phone and saw She had a text from David, so I took Her phone up with Her tea. She read it and past it to me to see.

He had texted at 10:00pm the Saturday night - that he was on an honesty drive, and would She mind if he texted Her with his honest view on the situation?

How odd….

She replied (Sunday morning now) that yes, She would welcome his honest view – but She’s not had a reply yet – 3 days later.

She speculates that he’d had a few beers when he decided to be honest with Her, but when he didn’t get the immediate reply & assurance he was after, he never sent his missive. She reckons that without the Dutch courage in him, he won’t come out with it…

We speculate what his ‘honest view’ is. She says he wants to call their relationship off, to focus on his girlfriend. I think the opposite – he’s tried his girlfriend and she doesn’t work for him any more. He thinks of Mistress all day every day and wants to spend all his time with Her – he wants to say ‘I love you’.

I hope that’s what he says – She will be very pleased – and it could lead to a more intimate relationship – this situation where he lies low for ages (apparently trying to get over Her) is far from ideal.

Hopefully one day soon we shall find out. Obviously I’ll let you know…

Sunshine...

Mistress wore the shirt, and went to the hairdresser that morning to have her hair cut, to what I called the 'Grace Jones' style shown here - she looks lovely in it! But I'm biased!

Symbolic

A little while ago I bought Mistress this T-shirt. I had it made for her.

It confirms that She can do Whatever She wants with Whoever She wants Whenever She wants. That’s David or anyone else.

This morning in bed I cuddled up to Her with my hard dick touching Her. As I turned I placed Her hand on my cock, and She very briefly and a little reluctantly touched it before letting go.

If She were with David and his hard cock was in the vicinity She’d have gone for it voraciously. It just goes to show She does need the alternative cock – mine does not give Her all that She wants, needs and deserves.

I asked Her to please wear the shirt today and She kindly agreed. I might post a picture of Her wearing it….

Talk of Sam...

Mistress’ mum (my mother-in-law) has flown in to visit and stay for a week. All very nice.

On Saturday, her first day here, I was all over the place serving Mistress and pandering to Her needs, and She was clearly enjoying having me serve Her so in front of Her mum.

That evening while enjoying a glass of wine together, my mother in law recounted a tale of a recent party back at home, attended by some chap called Sam. She gave is all sorts of details about Sam’s lovely new Mercedes, and what a nice car it was.

What She doesn’t know is that I know that Sam was Mistress’ lover throughout Her University days. He was a rich, working, married man back that, and She his mistress… He used to spoil Her with gifts, eating out and weekends away, in exchange for which of course he got what all married men get from their mistresses – better sex than they are getting at home.

Mistress only stopped seeing him when we got married – She basically went and said ‘goodbye’ to him as the two of us wed.

Of course now our horizon has changed, and She could choose to bed him again if She wanted….

So we listened to Mother-in-law going on about Sam, and I felt quite humiliated by the whole experience.

That night in bed Mistress was as wet as a well as She played Her ‘what are you thinking’ trick on me, and I confessed to a fear that She might start screwing Sam again, and might even tell him that I am Her submissive cuck. For sure if She did, he’d be all over her….This thought clearly turned Her on and She has been a little north of kinky ever since...

It's good to talk...

After licking Her arse and making Her a cup of tea, I spoke to Mistress in bed this morning while She drank Her tea.

I shared with Her my uncertainty regarding what She wants with regard to our FemDom relationship.

We had a really good talk about it. The upshot of which illustrates the typical spiral that occurs when a couple are not talking enough:

She felt that I was not happy in our FemDom relationship, and so She has been trying to reach out to me to build the loving foundation that is an essential pre-requisite to the FemDom.

I have seen Her holding back on the FemDom and resented/feared what that might mean.

But she is 100% clear that She wants to be the boss in a FemDom relationship. So we have agreed that She will simply assume this role, taking full charge and not pussy footing around being soft and touchy with me.

Already She is so much happier now that we have discussed it – she looked radiant as She left the house just now – She has not looked like that for a few weeks.

She called me to Her dressing room as She got ready, and confirmed that She definitely wants to be in charge in a FemDom relationship.

‘From now on…’ She started the conversation – one of you good readers has blogged on this topic – how we submissives long to hear those words!

‘From now on we will live a FemDom relationship and I will be in charge. I will set down the rules. They will be simple rules and there will only be 5 of them. I will write them down this evening and give them to you, and you will follow them”.

I am so pleased. I welcome the simplicity of submitting to Her will – I feel so lucky – and glad I talked to Her – remember guys, it is good to talk!

Try harder!

Before ritemate responds with his on-target advice(!) I should probably point out that I do know the solution to this - try harder, serve Her better, submit to Her more, and benefit from Her improved happiness.

I am now trying all those things...

Insecurity

I am not happy in my relationship.

We do not live a FemDom relationship. She does not Dom me. Rather, we live a male sub relationship, where I serve Her. I get no Dom back in return for my submission. Actually, I get nothing ‘back’ at all from my submission. Nothing.

Of course I can’t ask Her to Dom me – what would be the point of that? If She doesn’t want to, She doesn’t want to, and its not about me telling Her how I want or expect Her to behave. It’s about Her doing what She wants.

Trouble is, this leaves me concluding that She does not want FemDom. Evidently. No matter what She says to the contrary. Ergo, my submission is an unwanted irritant.

I’d rather not be in this relationship than be an unwanted irritant. Which leads me to conclude that I want out of this relationship. Seems a bit drastic. But the fact of the matter is I’ve changed – I’m not what She married – I’m a submissive wimp and She married a bold dominant.

And her actions, not Her words, but Her actions, show that She has no interest in or desire to pursue a FemDom relationship. So why bother? I should either desist from the FemDom charade that I live on my own, or depart in search of other shores.

I guess I should desist. But I’ve done that before – we’ve lived like that before, and it was not worth it. Neither of us was happy.

Sex object fantasy

I had a wank this morning.

David has been indisposed recently and he does not want to meet Mistresses for a month or so (reasons edited out to protect his confidentiality).

In my fantasy, She offered him the use of me during that time – pointing out to him that he does not care what I think of how he looks, and so offering him the opportunity to use me for sex while he heals.

He could see the logic of this, and accepted the offer, summoning me to his place, or coming here during the day whenever he wants to cum.

In my fantasy he uses me for blow jobs - having me swallow his cum at least once every two days - and also for anal sex - fucking me in my arse. To spin it out and enjoy it more, he also punishes (canes) and dominates me while he has me.

I spattered a big orgasm onto my chest at this thought. I’m not sure how much I would really like it to happen though!

"What are you thinking about?"

After Mistress has had me eat Her to orgasm in bed, or if She has me play with Her pussy in bed, she invariably asks what I am thinking about as I cuddle, screw (if I am lucky!) or play with Her.

I always answer truthfully, and in a positive light – designed to encourage rather than criticise or tell Her what I want Her to do. And the answer is always something to do with FemDom or David. Last night after I ate Her to orgasm She put me in Her pussy as I cuddled Her, and I truthfully answer that I was thinking how lucky I am that She chose to put me in Her, and that I was thinking that She might get bored of me screwing Her, since She has already cum, and tell me to get out and go to sleep before She cums. This turned Her on - but She didn’t do it – allowing me to cum in Her – Hmmm – wonderful!

The day before, under similar circumstance, I answer that I was thinking how lucky I was to be screwing Her, and how if She started getting more from David She would have less need for me and would instead either ignore me or tell me to wank. The next day She texted David.

She does not appear to want to overtly bully or dominate me, but clearly She is turned on by these thoughts, and so asks for them.

Back on...

We are back from a couple of very pleasant weeks on the Algarve. As I said to Mistress, I knew I would enjoy it, knowing that David could not call Her away from me for two whole weeks...

While we were away it was my birthday, and for one of my presents Mistress gave me anal sex! I have at last had the privelige of following David in there! It was a very dominant act on Her part - to 'give' me that which David takes at will. By definition I guess this means I am not invited to help myself any time...

Anyway, now we are back, and already Mistress has been on the text with David flirting and talking about when they will get together. It's been a while since She had the kind of good fucking he gives Her, so I can see why she'd be keen. The tame stuff She gets from me doesn't compare.

Calm

I have become a calmer submissive since reading ritemate’s advice – to think over my letter to David, stop trying to compete with him, and focus on what I do best.

Mistress has allowed me to lick Her arse every morning, and I have developed quite a technique to ensure maximum pleasure for Her. I try to serve as best I can at all other times, putting Her needs first.

It is difficult, and I am sure I can do better, which I shall try.

David is not in touch much though. Should he call, and they get together more often, this would be harder. As it is I do know that when he does call She’ll be gone like a shot. I am trying to ready myself to simply support and council Her when this happens.

The phone...

You can always tell how close David is to Mistress' mind, by the proximity of Her iPhone.

We've had dinner and are relaxing in front of the telly, and Her iPhone is next to Her, not charging in the kitchen like it usually does. This means She is on the alert for a text from him.

He came round here over the weekend. I was sent up to bed. As usual he used all three of Her holes - finally cumming in Her cunt, which She was kind enough to let me lick clean after. Now She's waiting to hear more from him...

Milking

This morning after I had eaten Mistress’ arse and She was out of bed, I asked Her to please just touch my cock for me a little – ‘You don’t need to make me cum’, I said, ‘But please just touch it a little for me.’

She kindly agreed, and walked over to the bed to wank me. I thanked Her profusely for doing so, and told Her how good it felt.

She wanked away and told me She would make me cum – ‘otherwise I would never be able to focus on my work, ’ She said, and wanked me harder.

This has become a recent theme. Ever since She told me to wank the morning She returned sated from David’s bed, She has decided that getting me to wank is a handy way of calming me down.

Of course I am grateful that She even pays any attention at all to my horniness and orgasms, which is more than I deserve, but when She is wanking me to milk me for a purpose other than erotic pleasure then of course the pleasure falls away a bit.

That happened this morning, and I deduced that I would not cum, and told Her so, whereupon She stopped.

That is the first time ever She has set out to make me cum and not done so. I wonder what She thinks – She’s not mentioned it since.

Heart strings

David and Mistress never talk on the phone – only by text. He has only been here to our house the once, and he is a notoriously bad communicator with Mistress.

She would like to improve on all these fronts – be free to talk on the ‘phone, come round more often, and communicate better. Generally be closer.

She tried to discuss these things with him on Friday night, but he ducked them. And when she contacted him earlier this week to suggest another meeting David texted Mistress back to say that he wants more of Her than he can have of a happily married woman, and feels that it would be sensible to end the relationship.

She replied that She wants more of him than She is getting – She wants him as part of Her life (as a happily married woman).

She suggested that since they both want more they should get together and talk about what more each can and wants to give – perhaps all will be happy.

But he appears to be deep in thought, or resolved to see less of Her. “You do things to me, and I could easily fall for you” he says.

I know exactly what he means. When She is with him she looks and dresses like a model, has the manners of a princess, parties like an IT girl, and fucks like a complete whore – of course he’s fallen in love with Her. Most men would.

I think they should talk. If he wants more than he can have then he’d be better off parting company, because if he has not fallen for Her yet, then he will soon.

Humiliation, Insecurity, Submission

When I married You I saw you as the most desirable, lovely wife I could and would have forever.

I now find you even more attractive and sexy. You are the cutest and most lovely girl in the playground. So much so that I feel You are more than a guy like me deserves – I simply can’t see how someone of your great beauty and character can be ‘held’ or satisfied by someone like me. I feel that you’ll desire someone ‘better’ or ‘more’ than me – someone who can attract and retain a sexy beast like you.

Something has changed – for whatever reason and I can’t explain it (except I note that you are more physically beautiful now than ever) I have become submissive towards You and You have become this idol for me.

That’s why I feel submissive to you. I hope that through my service and submission to you I will continue to earn and retain Your favour to me.

Originally (before David) this thinking lead me to ‘want’ you to have wild sex that You would enjoy with other guy(s). Because if You get the best and wildest sex elsewhere, then You can still come back to and love me forever, because with me You are getting all that You want or can get including all the great sex these other guy(s) give You – so I’m the winner.

The reality with David has been scary. The fact that You enjoy being with him so much has increased all my submissive fears immensely.

When You want to go on getting that wild sex then you profoundly humiliate me and feed the insecurity of my submission. (Interestingly, You also do also feed the confidence of Your domination – but that’s a by-the-way).

If you do carry on seeing David then You will be humiliating me into increased submission and insecurity towards You. I cannot watch Your obvious pleasure at his offering and NOT feel humiliated - submissive - wimpy, inadequate and insecure.

I am worried that this humiliation could be self defeating. The more You see him the more humiliated, submissive, insecure and wimpy I will become - the less of the arrogant or confident kind of guy that I fear or understand that You want or once wanted in me.

I feel like I am letting You down – I feel like I should be able to support You with him without feeding my insecurities.

But at the same time I feel that I am doing right – that the fact You choose to see him again and again, to drive me to greater humility, to treat me more dominantly, and me be more submissive towards You is correct and right in our relationship.

I want You to recognise a truth I perceive: When You choose to carry on seeing him then You also choose to humiliate me and drive me into increased submission. The issue I have is this: Do You want me more humiliated, more submissive than I already am? If you do then great. But if You don’t, then we are perpetuating a problem.

As Your submissive I am constantly learning more about how to submit to You. For example, this weekend I learned (quite rightly I believe) that You are not married to my mother, and any problems I might ever have in my relationship with Her are my problems not Yours. This is fine. Great. Wonderful. Exactly the sort of clarity that I crave in my submission to You. If You do now ever choose to humiliate me in front of her, then I will peacefully remain still while You do so, and then manage any problems with her myself afterwards.

I am genuinely ashamed and sorry that I did not adopt that view in the first place – it would have avoided all the problems that I caused this weekend.

So I guess my point is: Do you want to humiliate me into increased humility and submission? If so then seeing David will do this. But if You don’t want to humiliate and push me further, then You might want to rethink this.

Wikipedia: Humiliation is the abasement of pride, which leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.

Apology

Dear Mistress Sweatheart

My behaviour over the weekend

I am writing to apologise for my behaviour over the weekend. I am so sorry I upset You.

I should have recognised and accepted without question that it is Your sole right to determine what time You choose to come home, and Your sole right to decide if to communicate this to me or not.

You were and are quite right that You are not married to my mother, and that it is my problem how I deal with her, and that You are free to come and go in Your house as only You please.

I am so sorry I interrupted Your enjoyment and caused us both upset.

I do hope that You choose to punish me most severely for each and every one of these infractions. I promise to work much harder in future to ensure that Your happiness and pleasure are my only motivators in all that I think and do.

In particular, I will also make sure that I do not make the mistake of adopting a parental worrying role about You again, and will simply trust and support Your judgement, actions and choices.

I do hope that I did not embarrass You too much with David, and I beg You to please arrange or ask to go and see him as soon as possible to make up for my indiscretion.
I love You more than ever.

Yours sincerely

Secret Liaison?

Mistress and Her office team are going out for a bonding session this afternoon. The plan is that after the event the party animals amongst them will go out and party into the wee hours.

Of course it is at an event just like this that She met David, who was introduced to Her by a bunch of guys in the office that he knew.

We have, you can guess, discussed the idea that She might hook up with David tonight, after the main event. So for days She has been excited, looking forward to the event, deciding what to wear and so on.

Yesterday morning when I offered to eat Her pussy or arse, for the first time ever She asked me to screw Her instead, which I gladly did. And then last night She was in a very naughty mood in bed, with an unusually wet pussy and a delightfully filthy mind.

She told me to screw Her and while I did so, without any prompting from me, She told me that She might be meeting up with David – She might have arranged ‘something’ – with him or with someone else, and ‘may’ be ‘doing something’ after the event tonight. She told me that she did not have to tell me, because it was up to Her what She did.

Before I could ask if She wanted me to cum in Her She told me to cum deep inside Her. Needless to say we had a great fuck.

This morning too She has been in such a frisky mood. I’m sure She’s got something in mind. She’s having so much fun! She is so much fun.

Panty choice

I was watching Mistress getting dressed this morning, in an outfit that would double up for her morning in the office, Her afternoon out, and Her night on the town.

She chose and pulled on a very nondescript thong. A tiny garment to be sure, but not one of Her prettiest. Then She thought about it, took the garment off, and pulled on a much sexier pair, with pretty flowers on them. Clearly She had just thought that She might want something sexier on if someone else was going to be removing them before the day was out…

The black pair to the left is the pair She rejected. I can’t show you the others because She’s out with them now – they’ve just left for their event day, so She’s probably still got them on – but for how long? So the white pair to the right is just a sexier pair I substituted into the picture.

Her reaction

Mistress obviously liked the letter.

I was surprised - I did not expect it to have such a positive impact.

She said it was very submissive.

I guess (sadly) that it is true, and She can see and so accepts the truth of it.

I am glad it helped me, and apparently Her, to clarrify things. But I'd be lieing if I did not say that my heart is heavy when I think of what I have lost - thrown away over the years, but lost.

My loss, David's gain. And Her pleasure. And that is the point - Her pleasure.

David's Letter

I was very shy of handing Mistress my letter to David, so I chickened out and let her know with this text.

Letter to David

inherservice was kind enough to suggest that I write a letter to David, thanking him for taking care of business.

I have done this, and I did gain some catharsis from wording my gratitude, so I thank you, inherservice.

The letter I wrote, which I printed, signed and handed to Mistress, reads as follows.

Dear David

Thank you for helping with my Wife

I am writing to thank you for helping with my Wife’s sexual needs and pleasures.

For some years now I have recognised that I do not provide all that She desires in this area. For those years I have urged Her to take a lover that can give Her all She needs.

Until She met you, this did not happen, and Her sexual pleasures were limited by my abilities.

But all this changed when She met you, and I know that when She meets up with you She gets the sexual thrill, kicks and pleasure that I am no longer able to give Her, and I thank you for this.

I hope that the two of you are able to and do enjoy many more sexy and pleasurable experiences together.

If at any time there is anything at all – anything - that I can do to help make your pleasures with Her more enjoyable for both of you, then please do not hesitate to let me know.

Yours sincerely

Great weekend

Saturday night Mistress expressed a desire to go out, so we got my mum in to babysit for us and went out to the pub.

I was very attentive and supportive of Her in every way I could be.

We talked a lot about David, although I kept offering to stop talking about him if She didn’t want me to, but She told me to go ahead – so I did.

She told me that like Redtail said in his comment on my blog (Now You see him, now You don’t – 1 May 2009) I am more emotionally involved than She. She just sees David as a great shag, no love, no emotion, and She says She does not think of him as much as me – hardly at all, She says.

She said that if She could have anything She wanted, it would be for me to accept David without all the emotional negatives, to just enjoy Her relationship with him as I did at the outset.

At one stage I nearly understood what She meant. I felt that I was about to accept that Her only love was me.

However, while we were out She did also say that She wanted to text him to see if he was out, in the hope that if he was, they might meet up and have great sex.

The only reason She did not do this, She said, was because She was worried that I could not handle the emotional trauma of Her leaving the house to go out with me, and then leaving me there to go off with him.

So although She was dolled up and out with me, and apparently enjoying it, actually Her first preference was to be out with him, ending up in his bed.

I persuaded Her that She should not let me interfere in Her pleasure, and She accepted this and texted him. But he did not reply and so the issue did not arise.

We ended up having a great night out together, drinking and dancing and chatting. It was close and wonderful. The whole weekend was close and wonderful. Really great.

But for all the love and kindness She showed me, I cannot of course forget that Her preference on Saturday would have been to hook up with and shag him.

As She said to me on Saturday, She can (and does) have me any time and all the time, so some time and sex with him provides a great and exciting interlude: but it is “just that”: An interlude on Her main time with me. I can see this. It makes sense.

Maybe one day I will accept it without pain, but I don’t think so.

On Sunday night we had great sex in bed – the best we have had for a long time (although I’d say it is always good! Sunday was great). And this morning Mistress allowed me to lick Her arse well before I got up to make Her tea, and I did my very best to please Her.